What do you think of this dress?

[SmileAndNod]

I'm 44, have put on loads of weight, look and feel shocking, have depression, anxiety and PTSD and having some sort of mid life crisis.

I want to look normal. I saw this dress it feels really comfy but I can't decide. I don't like my fat arms but not sure what I'd wear with this to cover up. Or what I'd wear on my feet.

I'm stuck in a rut I need to get out of. I want to be normal again. I need to feel nice and not just worn down.

I think I'm feeling particularly low at the minute as I'm ordering loads of stuff and sending it all back as it all looks crap.

[ShimmeringIce]

Nice, though it depends how it fits. Any chance of a photo?

I'd wear it with a long navy cardigan (nothing bulky), navy opaques like the model, and navy flats at the moment. Denim jacket and flats, or tan sandals in warmer weather.

I've almost talked myself into it, but don't think it would suit me.

Also, a bit of exercise would probably do wonders for your mood even if it only made a slight difference to your body? (Easier said than done, I know)

[wickedfairy]

I am not normally a lover of white stuff, but that dress is really lovely! I think it would look good with a navy cardi or flat boots - good choice!

Don't be too hard on yourself either - get the dress and feel good in it. That lifts the mood a little and keep smiling, it's hard to sometimes but try and stay positive xx

[SmileAndNod]

I will try and get a photo later on for you. I agree about the exercise. I'm so tired to go out at night and have small person at home during the day. Money (lack of) also a factor. I used to love pilates but cannot afford the termly fee to go any more.

Like I said I think I'm having a crisis

[SesameSparkle]

I think that's a good style to cover up lumps and bumps you are not happy about. I would be inclined to pair it with a cardi in a bright and cheery colour like pink, yellow, coral or teal - whatever you fancy that works with your skin tone. I've always got compliments for this kind of colour blocking, no matter how big I was at the time. Footwear is anything goes, tights and ankle boots would be OK for winter, bare legs and sandals for summer.

[Clearoutre]

Some great advice on styling - a denim jacket is a great idea & I advise rolling the sleeves up to expose one of the skinniest parts of your arm (just above the wrist or just below the elbow for example). Also consider layering under the dress - perhaps a sheer blouse, white shirt or a simple long sleeve base layer from uniqlo?

[SmileAndNod]

Gosh hadn't thought about layering underneath. Going to try it on with a few things after school run.

[Trumpdespiser]

V fashionable right now to put a polo neck under a summer dress, £14 from Uniqlo. Agree with bright cardigan too ... Good luck with everything

[SmileAndNod]

Tried it on again. I can't show you the photo as it's one of those that you stick to the fridge to remind you what a fat cow you are and how you really shouldn't be eating.

So it's going back.

I hate myself so why can't I shift the weight? How come I can't go without food? Why can't I get the oomph to exercise?

[Summer23]

Maybe try it on again in the morning when you've had a sleep and feel better? Sometimes after a busy day the last thing I want to do is try on a new outfit! Don't be hard on yourself. Getting some exercise will help you feel better, try for first thing in the morning if possible. I know you have a little one so this might be difficult, an exercise DVD at home might be good.

[Swimminguphill]

Hi Smileandnod I'm sorry you are feeling down about yourself. I think the dress is lovely and I am sure you have got those "I hate how I look" goggles on, which, trust me, are as unreliable as beer goggles. I love @bodiposipanda on Instagram. She is a real tonic when you start focussing on your wobbly bits and hating how you look.

I try and love my body when I get the urge to feel down, because (broadly, ignoring dodgy knees etc) it does the job. It takes me from a to b. I can go up and down stairs, make a cup of tea when I want to, do gardening, move to music when the mood takes me. That's what your body is actually for and I sometimes forget that.

But also I try and focus on something about myself that I do like. It could be neat wrists and ankles or the curve of your shoulder or good boobs. Don't just let your eye go to your problem areas - that way madness lies.

Finally I found the Gillian Michaels 30 day shred to be a life changing DVD. It's tough, but it's 20 min. I don't do it every day because that can actually be counterproductive bug 2-3 times a week and you will feel so much stronger and empowered. Even Level 1 is pretty tough and intense!

[jeaux90]

Smile I think we all feel a bit shit in the winter. No sun and a lack of vitamin d can make you feel exhausted.

Don't under rate exercise for making you feel better though. Even though you feel knackered I find swimming really beneficial in terms of sleep and body tone but also if I'm feeling down. Or a Brisk walk? Anything will make you feel a bit more happy, I guess it's the endorphins.

Anyway I think the dress looks lovely but if you don't absolutely love it send it back (it's my rule whether I'm having a fat or thin day)

[SmileAndNod]

Ok. Have just heard that I have a job interview coming up. Was not expecting it at all. I had just ordered this dress from boden a couple of days ago (Thanks to MN) Any good Do you think?

I realise I need some better underwear. And to possibly lose 3 stone. But that's unlikely to happen in 2 weeks

[Swimminguphill]

You look ace! Love the dress on you. Now go and kill it at interview!

[burnishedsilver]

Looks great!

[Silvertap]

That looks fabulous

[vimtoqueen1]

Smile you don't look like you need to lose 3 stone - it looks fab and you have a lovely figure !

[Likeaninjanow]

I agree, you have a lovely figure! Please don't put yourself down. You really look great in that dress.

[StumblyMonkey]

Jeez...that photo was NOT what I was expecting after your posts.

I thought you were going to be really big but you've got a brilliant figure!

I don't even know where you're seeing fat?

[SmileAndNod]

Hips, bum, tummy, arms, knees, legs in general.

Thank you all so much though. I'm keeping the dress on your say so and cos it's a bargain. Need to work on the interview now.... its been 15 years and 3 children 😮

[jeaux90]

Fab!!! And good luck! Xx

[Swimminguphill]

You actually have great legs! You should see my rugby players calves in comparison. that dress also shows them off nicely

[theothercatpurred]

You look amazing!

Seriously this is in your mind. If you want to lose 3 stone, no problem, that's up to you. But the frame of mind you are in about your body is akin to body dysmorphia.

If I had your figure, I would be posting them on Facebook as the after images, and be really damn chuffed with myself. I would feel sexy and confident with your figure, instead of my actually genuinely overweight one. (Size 20 with overhanging, huge belly. Bigger than my 8mo pregnant friends).

One day you will have the mind and body of a 70 year old, and will likely look back to this time and think "I was so attractive and young, what a shame I couldn't see it then!"

I think instead of dieting, you need to look at what you can do to boost your mood and your self-esteem.

[Kmxxx14]

I was surprised when I seen your photo too after your posts. You definitely don't give yourself enough credit. You genuinely look great!

[SmileAndNod]

You're all really kind but I just don't see it. I ordered the dress in the next size up last night just to see if it fits better. I hope it's appropriate wear for an interview these days? Its not a suit kind of place which is just as well as I don't have one!

Just need to do some interview prep now. And work on selling myself. Now that IS truly terrifying.

[ProjectGainsborough]

You have a lovely figure - as others said, that photo was not what I was expecting.

I had cbt for depression and anxiety and although it's rather hard to compress here, a thing that helps me if I feel the gloom threaten is to scan is to scan my day for three positives. Hard at first because my brain wants to say 'yeah, but look at that shit thing that happened after', but I force myself and after a while I realise that loads of good things happened in my day.

Sorry for waffling I just know how it feels.