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Flippin norks...

(131 Posts)
MaQueen Mon 30-Jan-17 17:09:02

So, decided I needed a bit of an image overhaul to kick start 2017. I have been following a couple of style blogs littlefashioncloset & my fashionableforties, after someone recommended them on here.

I love how they style their clothes, and I love that they mainly wear black, grey, navy & taupe, and keep things simple. I ordered a few items they recommended, and an oversize, grey cardi from H&M arrived today.

They style it with a black, striped Breton or a blush pink, lacy camisole, black skinnies and biker boots.

Tried on the whole ensemble....and it would look great except for my bleddy 34G norks angry. It completely passed me by, that these bloggers have no boobs so everything falls very stylishly on them.

In this oversized cardi and cami they manage to look pixie-petite and dainty...whereas, I just look matronly (I think?).

DH likes the camisole hmm

Thing is I'm on heavy-duty HRT so there's little chance of my norks shrinking anytime soon, even if I diet.

Laiste Mon 30-Jan-17 17:29:37

I.know.^exactly^.how you feel.

Right down to the looking for a bit of a style overhaul and finding out that only flat chested 40 somethings have any style advice out there for them.

Oh except 'go for a 50s style dress'. Because that will, of course, be the very thing you want to bung on on an average morning hmm

MaQueen Mon 30-Jan-17 17:34:21

I usually wear Freya balcony bras to give me some oomph, and to hoik my boobs 3" higher up my torso. But wondering if a minimiser bra might be the way forward...?

Laiste Mon 30-Jan-17 17:42:05

Minimisers can look good. Be careful of the saucepan lid flattening out effect though.

Freya here too. Plus Curvy Kate. I favor a plunge bra myself.

LadyOfTheCanyon Mon 30-Jan-17 17:43:02

Oh man, my tits are the bane of my life. I know exactly what you mean - the shelf of my norkage (38DD) means that all tops just sort of hang off them. Shirts look too weirdly masculine, even though I've clearly got boobs. High necks make me look like Hattie Jacques. The only think I can work is V necks and I'm sick of them. Sick, I tell you.
hmm at 50s dresses for putting the bins out.

HoneyDragon Mon 30-Jan-17 18:07:18

I've got big boobs (hormone aided) and wear that sort of stuff. Don't follow fashion blogs though.

Also my boobs have gone down a cup size and look much perkier through regular spinning and core workouts. I think the fact that they pretty much oscillate when spinning has done wonders. I highly recommend oscillating your mammaries.

schnubbins Mon 30-Jan-17 18:24:51

I have the same problem.I am 5ft 10 , size 14 and rather long waisted, so between the boobs ( 36 E )and my length everything is too small .I hate all these high necked tops that are everywhere these days.They make me look ginormous.i bought some new bras last week , including some minimisers but it all just looks strange.Sad thing is that my norks will probably get even bigger as I am now in menopause Have started a diet now hoping I will lose inches everywhere.Is that even possible?

HoneyDragon Mon 30-Jan-17 18:25:55

Right I've looked at that blog. Some of it works some doesn't like any blog. I find a short denim or leather skirt and thick tights looks more put together with a cashmere polo neck or v neck. But you've fucked it up if you then put mum boots on. Go canny with the foot wear. You can wear funkier boots with big boobs. It's in my entirely made up rule book

Jackets and scarves are always going to be your nemesis. Accept it. You need to try on at least 6000 before you find one that fits. Don't attempt draping unless you really want to look like Hilda Ogden in a poncho. In all honesty if your not planning on getting your upper arms out than you'd be much better off getting a nice fitted silk v neck or top with a lace insert. Your meant to be going to elegant casual rather than making your husband think you've squeezed your knockers into some nylon for his benefit.

Laiste Mon 30-Jan-17 18:26:35

I shall begin oscillating forthwith grin

I have lost and gained and gained and lost weight in the past and mine have never got any smaller in relation to my frame. If that makes sense? Yes on the times when i've shifted the same fucking 2 stone my back size has gone down to 32/34 rather than 34/36, but the norks are still the same. My distinguishing feature. In all damn photos of me, it's them them them.

Apart from v necks i do like a cowl neck. But it has to be perfect. Low and not to bulky. Pati Boutique is a good brand for the busty. And Blue banana. Both cheaper on Amazon than their own sites sometimes.

MaQueen Mon 30-Jan-17 18:38:26

It's now occurred to me that both the women in the two blogs I follow are a totally different shape to me. Think they're both petite, flat chested with quite spindly legs, and flat tummies... everything looks good on them FFS.

I had a look at Midlifechic, and she's much more my shape, but looks a bit too frumpy.

I have invested in some lovely, biker boots that aren't too clumsy looking, and another pair that have a kitten heel, but with a strap&buckle across the toe, and the toe is very pointed. So, hopefully not MumBoots?

I dearly want a soft tux jacket to wear over a camisole for evenings, but can't face trying 600 of them on...

Pagwatch Mon 30-Jan-17 19:27:03

I love kitten heels. I've realised my wardrobe draws on stuff from the 60s which is when my mum looked fab. It's all the Jackie o stuff which is so beautiful.
I don't do dress down stuff. The hoards of women around here trying so hard to look effortless is odd to me. If you are dressing down out some jeans on of dress up - it's much more straightforward.

I know what you mean about blogs though - unless they are your body type it's really difficult. I am really flat chested and it may have its disadvantages it's great for getting clothes so I stick the style guides on sites like net aporter and the Outnet.
My friend is big chested too though -she likes a blog called something like 'styleatacertainage'
I'll see if I can find it. I'm post menopause and pretty much back to as I always was but I kind of thickened in the torso for a while . it's really common.
I'll see if I can find it, I think it's quite high end High Street like White company etc.

HoneyDragon Mon 30-Jan-17 19:27:32

You'll have to try them on. If you have an idea of an outfit in your head you have to put the effort in to make it suit.

Lifestyle fashion blogs are all well and good, but they are ultimately for the benefit of the person writing it. Find your own style and what works. Taking people of roughly the same age doesn't work, let's face it, Denise Welch could never dress or look like Sharon Stone or Jamie Lee Curtis. Despite all being the same age. They're just different women. Find what suits you.

SecretNutellaFix Mon 30-Jan-17 19:34:24

If you are ginormous of nork, then apparently Pepperberry is good for shirts?

IHaveBrilloHair Mon 30-Jan-17 19:39:27

Sorry to crash, I'm small of boob but I've been looking for some tips on dressing a bit older, I realise when I'm sharing clothes with my teenager that I probably don't look young and carefree, just a bit sad and pathetic.
I'll look at the ones you recommended Op, do you have a link for the cardi, I need something to replace Dd's my Hollister hoody I'm currently wearing.
I saw this site , linked to the other week, but I'm not sure.

ilovecherries Mon 30-Jan-17 19:41:39

I'm 36K. sad. My daughter just bought me a lovely pendant for my birthday from NOTHS. It's a 30 inch chain and it doesn't clear my chest. It just sits on the bloody shelf they create.

BitOfFun Mon 30-Jan-17 19:55:39

If you look at sites like Bravissimo, you can find nice twists on the classics like this version of a Breton top that is cut more generously. If you are going for a blazer/jacket, keep it shortish and very fitted, with sleeves that expose the wrist- usually the slimmest part of the arm. Also, don't expect it to do up at the front- it looks more flattering undone anyway. I agree that scarves can be tricky for the bosomy, but you can add interest with jewellery, especially if you aren't too short in the neck.

OCSockOrphanage Mon 30-Jan-17 20:20:08

Dressing is MUCH harder for us norkers. Clothes don't fall and drape as the designer thinks they should. My solution is never to do shirts up past top of bra and default to V neck cashmere jerseys, or not cashmere jerseys... but always deep scoops or V necks. Otherwise, it's the dreaded shelf. And no long necklaces, only matinee/collar bone length.

MaQueen Mon 30-Jan-17 20:46:28


This is the cardi in question

It's actually really nice quality, very soft - but eventhough I only bought a medium it still drowns me a bit. I think if I can swap it for a small it will still look nicely loose & drapey, but not bizarrely so...[hopeful]

MaQueen Mon 30-Jan-17 20:51:35

It's so frustrating. In my mind's eye I know how I want to look, and my arms and legs and torso are quite slender, but then bahm my boobs just spoil everything. If I wear a balcony bra to oomph them, and so elongate my torso, I look like a 1950s starlet...but a normal bra just looks matronly.

Is a minimiser just going to shove them under my arms, so I look like I'm walking round with a melon tucked under each armpit angry

HoneyDragon Mon 30-Jan-17 21:05:39

That cardigan's awful. It's a sized up boyfriend cardigan.

HoneyDragon Mon 30-Jan-17 21:06:17

Don't return it. Just burn it ..... it's not going to flatter anyone.

MaQueen Mon 30-Jan-17 21:32:31

I really like it, but it definitely needs to be a small, rather than a medium.

Robin7 Mon 30-Jan-17 21:38:05

I quite like frocks and frou frou and she's got a "rack of doom" (her words not mine!). Sounds like she's a bit curvier than you but maybe some ideas for nork-flattering (eg she stitches up cardigans/shirts to avoid gaping)

HoneyDragon Mon 30-Jan-17 22:05:56

For gods sake woman FIND ANOTHER CARDIGAN. Sit it down, give it the "it's not you it's me" chat. The only humans that pull off a cardigan like that are fifteen year old girls wearing their dad's cardigan. And it still looks shit. But endearingly shit.

It'll fuck you over after a couple of washes anyway. Just take yourself of to Mint Velvet and start again.

HoneyDragon Mon 30-Jan-17 22:06:04


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