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Why do some fat women look good and others (me) look awful?!

(39 Posts)
0utForAWalkBitch Sat 21-Jan-17 23:35:23

Since having my second child 18 months ago I've struggled to lose the weight. I'm 5"3 and a solid size 14, and I'm struggling to dress myself. Overall I know I'm not huge (although my BMI is almost in obese category) but I feel I look awful all the time.

If you are a bit chubby what do you wear and where do you get your inspiration to look good?! I see women fatter than me who look better than me. Pre second child I was always pear shaped but very slim waisted so I always dressed to highlight that. I now have a tummy so I've no idea what to wear,plus I suffer from "violin hips".

Inspiration? Please?!

Ps I am working on slimming down as I know I'll be happier. But I retain weight while breastfeeding and despite healthy eating and regular exercise I'm staying the same weight, so for now I'm just choosing to focus on being healthy and feeling good and hoping the weight will drop off when it's ready.

Iamastonished Sat 21-Jan-17 23:40:31

IMO it is to do with how clothes fit. I think that anyone, regardless of build, looks better in well fitting clothes. If you wear clothes that are too tight they are just not flattering.

calzone Sat 21-Jan-17 23:59:58

Good bra
Good underwear
Decent haircut
Proper skincare
Nicely manicured hands

Don't buy cheap clothes.

Destinysdaughter Sun 22-Jan-17 00:09:47

Get your colours done!

polyhymnia Sun 22-Jan-17 00:12:20

What calzone said! Those are the priorities.

Middleoftheroad Sun 22-Jan-17 00:21:03

I think it's down to haircut, skin, makeup, confidence and then clothes.

I had a clothes horse friend who always looked miserable. Whereas my size 16 friend was bubbly confident and looked stunning as she dressed smartly, had silky hair and lovely skin. But it was her confidence that made her more attractive.

I've been fat and thin. At the moment I'm big and trying to make more effort with hair etc while I slim. When I was too skinny my clothes looked great but my face was gaunt my legs like matchsticks and I did not look good.

ChishandFips33 Sun 22-Jan-17 03:53:39

Another one for
Good well fitting bra, fitted by a proper bra seller not M&S
Good underwear
Good well fitting bra!
Smiling - I feel an idiot walking around with a grin on my face so try to think of something that just turns the corners of my mouth up a little rather than in full relax resting bitch face /jowl mode
Decent haircut
Good skincare
Minimal makeup that highlights the best bits
Defined brows not slug brow though Mascara
and I agree confidence has much to do with it
Tricky/Catch 22 - looking good makes you feel good/feeling good helps you look good!

Start with a good bra which may be tricky/seem pointless when you're breastfeeding - invest if you are doing it for a while yet, maybe hang on a little if you'll be stopping soon

Don't wait though til you've lost the weight thinking you'll need re-fitting/waste of money. Buy just one and see each replacement as an investment - you'll save money on what you put on top

KoalaDownUnder Sun 22-Jan-17 04:22:23

Good hair
Good skin
Nice clothes
Confidence

BusterGonad Sun 22-Jan-17 07:29:00

I also agree with the poster that said don't buy cheap clothes, the only people who look good in cheap clothes are ones who have great figures, if your figure isn't perfect then you need the cut and fit of more expensive clothes. I don't mean designer, I just mean not primark or anywhere that's really known for being budget.

9GreenBottles Sun 22-Jan-17 07:38:45

A style consultation with Colour Me Beautiful will help you find clothes for your shape, proportions and style personality but probably the most important thing is for you to believe that you do look good irrespective of your size.

SallyGinnamon Sun 22-Jan-17 07:42:33

I'd say it depends on where you store fat that makes the difference.

I have a friend that gets a big bum, thighs and boobs. But her face is fine and dainty so she still looks great. Nigella Lawson looks like she puts weight on in the same way.

Me, my weight goes on my face and arms! So even though I'm taller and a smaller dress size than friend, I always look fatter and worse sad.

Hairstyle helps a bit but all the bras and knickers in the world don't disguise three chins!

beela Sun 22-Jan-17 07:52:07

Following for inspiration as I am a similar height/weight to you op, since dc2!

Definitely a good bra. I found some underwired feeding ones or just used balonette ones with slightly stretchy cups (I have big boobs too so soft cup feeding ones were not a good look for me).

AutumnEve Sun 22-Jan-17 07:59:55

Have good posture and keep your neck "lengthened"

Maraki Sun 22-Jan-17 08:03:20

I used to be obese and when I was, I looked better than when I was slim! This is because:
I went to a blink eyebrow bar and reshaped my eyebrows (best £19 spent)
I had my colours done and as a result I changed hair colour for something that really suited me
Bought fabulous red and dark fuschia lipsticks from the House of Colour consultant (I'm a winter)
I lived in cheap (primark) skinnies, bum skimming V neck tops abd long cardigans.
Shift dresses from matalan and long cardigans for work.
Plain dark clothes but colourful scarves, chunky Jewelry, bold lipstick to distract from the body.
I wear heels (don't have to be high) with EVERYTHING
Manucured nails always.
Good fitting bra.

I didn't want to spend a fortune on fat clothes as I knew that I wouldn't keep them for long.

friendshipstruggle Sun 22-Jan-17 08:15:27

A lot of it is about grooming. Make up, hair, nails, eyebrows, with well fitted clothes. Sod fashion, if you're legs are chunky and short (like mine) then skinny jeans and boots just won't look good. Confidence also shines though, as does being toned, so getting active and toning up makes a lot of difference imo. Even if you're carrying extra pounds, toning up will make a lot of difference.

BusterGonad Sun 22-Jan-17 08:30:36

Maraki I'm a bit confused as to why don't you look good now? Surly you still do your eyebrows and wear nice clothes, how come you think you looked better obese?

dudsville Sun 22-Jan-17 08:33:11

Are you dressing for your previous shape?

MrAliBongo Sun 22-Jan-17 08:58:08

The fat women I know who look great are the ones who aren't trying to hide what they are: their posture is good rather than hunched away trying to minimise their boobs; they actively choose clothes rather than dashing in and grabbing the first shapeless thing that'll fit them; and they probably don't spend their entire lives telling themselves that they'll only be worth the effort when they're a size 10. hmm

0utForAWalkBitch Sun 22-Jan-17 10:30:21

Thanks for all the tips. Dudsville I think yo have it though, I'm still choosing things for my old shape then getting annoyed when they don't look good. I never get a chance to go shopping to try different shapes on, maybe I just have to set some time aside and go and do it and try and find what shapes work on my new body.

I already do the skincare, good hair, quality fabric etc (inpspired by the how to look expensive thread on here a while ago!) which has helped. I think I'm just choosing the wrong shapes or choosing shapeless sacks to cover everything up.

Are there any blogs you'd recommend for inspiration?

Truckingalong Sun 22-Jan-17 10:44:36

I know 2 very overweight woman. They both have great hair, great skin and are very attractive. One dresses in expensive clothes, ones is skint and wears cheap stuff. They both put loads of effort in with grooming and accessories. I'm tall and slim and spend a fortune on skincare but have shit acne skin and I always look a bit crap cos I just can't be arsed with the effort.

Bluntness100 Sun 22-Jan-17 10:53:44

I'd agree it's in the grooming and well fitting clothes.

I was thinking about something similar on Friday, I was getting ready for a night out and I swear to god, it's like two different women, the before and after. At home with no make up, unstyled hair, leggings and an old jumper, id totally scare small children, then transformed into something considered attractive and well put together. I'm genuinely like two different people.

Make up that is subtle and enhances,, well groomed clean hair, good clothes that flatter and fit, it really does make a world of difference.

Iamastonished Sun 22-Jan-17 11:34:33

I also agree with a good fitting bra. Good underwear makes a huge difference to the finished look.

I used to watch Trinny and Susannah - remember them? And they showed a few women with badly fitted bras and well fitted bras underneath their clothes - a before and after, and the difference was astonishing.

Kateallison16 Sun 22-Jan-17 12:50:51

In all honesty, it makes very little difference if a woman is "fatter" than you.
If she takes care of herself and wears things that suit her shape she will of course look good.
Beauty isn't defined my size.

I'm far fatter than you, I feel confident in my style choices and always so how lovely I look.

May I suggest a few things?

Skincare, it's very important to start with a clean and clear base.
It doesn't have to be overboard, but cleansing and moisturising your face twice a day can be a game changer.

Make sure your brows are "natural kept". For example, reasonable thickness, filled in with a suitable shade. (Always go a shade lighter if in doubt)

Colour correction is another game changer in getting smooth, blemish free and even skin tone. You can pick up primers or pallets that do this.

For your hair, go straight for a colorphlex on amazon. (Same as olaplex but you can do it at home) it costs less than 7 pounds and trust me, your hair will be swishy and glossy.
If you are having one of those days where you cannot be bothered to "dress up" and are in vest and skinny jeans/leggings/jeggings then dress it up with good boots and a nice classic jacket. Throw on some accessories.

When going out, curly hair is always a nice style and can make you look better than straightened hair bunged up.
If you can't be bothered to curl it grab heated rollers or sleep in rollers.

As others have said, good bras are key. Curvy kate has a nice range.
They can change your body shape if correctly fitted.

To be honest op, size 14 is just a number. You have a few curves and they can be a good thing.
Makes some pinterest boards and get shopping.

Iamastonished Sun 22-Jan-17 13:22:43

"In all honesty, it makes very little difference if a woman is "fatter" than you.
If she takes care of herself and wears things that suit her shape she will of course look good.
Beauty isn't defined my size."

This ^^ absolutely.

TSSDNCOP Sun 22-Jan-17 13:35:36

I think a lot depends also on your weight sits.

Mine is all round my middle but I have good arms and legs. I would describe myself as a parsnip.

Most of the bigger women I know still have a nipped in waist, and that makes a big difference in the shape of clothes they can buy. I can't buy anything waisted so I feel hefty

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