This appeared on my Facebook, so I went to her fb page and had a nose around.
She's a 44 year old mother of three, who likes fashion and a bargain and kind of tells it how it is.
Anyway she cheered me up.
Here's a sample from her cooking blog...I hope.
Amaze and delight your children yet again on a Monday teatime with my excellent recipe for paella.
4 chicken breasts or 6 thighs
Chorizo from Aldi because it's cheap but nice
Loads of garlic
1 onion
Turmeric about a teaspoon
Red pepper
Long grain rice
Chicken stock - I make my own, only joking - do I fuck.....
Frozen peas
Parsley so that you can get the look of utter contempt from them.
Fry the chicken and chorizo in a large pan whist refereeing a fight over an iPad, add the stock and turmeric, add the garlic, onions and peppers.
Check that there's booze in, I'm afraid that I've made a very school boy error and we've only got 1 glass of Sauvignon blanc left in the fridge. Start panicking now if you've not got much in.
Deep breath now add the long grain rice.
In about 15 minutes you will have to put some more water in as the rice will absorb all the water but will be nowhere near bastarding cooked. Practise some swear words for when this happens like fuck or twat. Now turn your attention to your darling children. I have been filing one of my darlings veruccas in between cooking but you could use this time to shout at them or simply stop a larger one from twatting a smaller one with a remote control.
On the outside of the packet of long grain rice it will inform you that it will take 15-18 minutes to cook. This is a massive lie. It will take about 35 minutes. Your children will now start demanding biscuits and crisps. Say no firmly and then give in shortly afterwards just like always. Now Hoover up the crumbs that the little shits have made with the biscuits. Stir the pan occasionally and swear at it. Have a look at some social media. About 35 minutes later add some frozen peas and the lovingly chopped parsley.
And serve.
After you have shouted them around 36 times they will appear and sit with you at the table.
They will be fucking ecstatic with you and will tell their friends and teachers at school how much they simply adore your cooking and what a great parent you are.
Now drink that wine and prepare some room in the food recycling caddy if you live in the Trafford area or just the bin if you live elsewhere.
Thank you.
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25 replies
Dowser · 20/01/2017 09:25
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