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Fat frumpy and fed up... can anyone help?

(24 Posts)
Cindbelly Wed 18-Jan-17 22:06:02

I have a feeling this is going to be long...

I'm 34 5'7 and I'm September started using mfp. So far have lost 19lbs got another 30lbs left to shift to hit my target weight of 140lbs.

I'm the thinnest now thin is a stretch! that I've ever been, but I realised that I thought when I had lost a bit of weight that my life would miraculously change... it hasn't.

I've realised that it's because I am frumpy. I have no idea when this happened but somehow I'm the last 10 years I've gone from looking in my own head anyway slightly stylish to will only wear it if it's comfortable.
My makeup is the same, I'm still using the same types of products as when I was a teenager and applying them the same sort of way... my hair is rats tails, don't get me started on eyebrows - I've just watched a few scary YouTube videos of teenagers drawing on massive thick eyebrows, that's definately not a look I want to repeat.
I've just realised that I have no skincare routine at all and no idea where to start.
I don't want to buy new clothes until I've lost the rest of the weight and can't really afford to spend a lot, but I've just been promoted so need to look a bit more polished at least.

Can anyone help me? I feel like a total lost cause!

50ShadesOfEarlGrey Wed 18-Jan-17 22:32:23

Sounds like a bit of a crisis moment. Losing weight us a hard slog, and I have always felt that one has to lose lots before it makes a noticeable difference. Although weight loss won't rectify other issues in your life as you have found, so maybe there are other areas you need to concentrate on?
The first thing I would do is get your hair sorted, nothing too drastic to start with until your confidence has returned. Nearly everyone has some kind of colour adjustment nowadays, so get a good cut and some highlights maybe. Do you have good skin anyway? If so I wouldn't spend lots of money on skincare, but do get into a routine, particularly cleanser and moisturiser, preferably with a sun screen in it.
For make up, go to any department store and book a couple of trials. Perhaps to start with go to one of the more conservative makes. No one should have slugs for eyebrows and you don't want anything too bold, which might put you off all makeup.
Then try on lots of clothes, see what really suits you now. Make a list of what you need, particularly for work. Some dept stores have personal shoppers who can pinpoint great things you wouldn't normally try.
You only need a couple of mix and match outfits for work to tide you over, so don't buy anything expensive until you are at your target weight, but you cannot stay in your current size clothing all through your weight loss programme.
Really enjoy yourself, you have lost well over a stone, treat yourself and congratulations on the promotion.

Scuttlebutter Thu 19-Jan-17 00:39:49

As above, I'd start with your hair. Book a good cut and commit to having it cut regularly every 8 weeks through the year. Ask the hairdresser to advise you on any styling products and what sort of brush to use when drying/styling and make sure you have one and keep it beautifully clean.

I'd also think about some other aspects of your personal grooming. Even if you don't wear nail varnish, your fingernails should be well shaped, with neat cuticles, clean and buffed and your hands well moisturised.
Make sure your feet are well looked after (no hard skin on heels), nails neatly cut and polished if you like.
Waxing/hair removal of choice done regularly.
Daily shower and use a really nice fragrance you like (doesn't have to be mega expensive).

You don't have to wear make up to look well groomed (I know several women who don't) but if you do decide to, remember less is more. I went for a total refresh on my make up in my mid 40s (I was terrified of being in a rut with it) and had a fabulous makeover on the Bobbi Brown counter at our local John Lewis. Picked up some really useful ideas and advice on application and no heavy sales techniques.

Why not think about a good bag for work and some decent shoes? Not size dependent and again, they can lift your whole look remarkably without shelling out a fortune.

While you are losing weight, use the time to do some virtual shopping and begin to narrow down your favourite stores/looks. I'd practice for instance using Pinterest and set up your ideal spring wardrobe on a board - you could feature some workwear, plus some outfits for your social/relaxation time. You could also consider having your colours done, so you can understand what colours really suit you and begin to build your wardrobe based on those.

When I used to work in an office (am now WFH), I kept a bag in my desk drawer, and every lunchtime I'd make a point of nipping off to the ladies and cleaning my teeth, brushing my hair, checking and if necessary reapplying any makeup, quick squirt of anti perspirant, fragrance, and after washing hands, hand cream. I also kept things like a spare nail file, tissues, wet wipes (useful for so many things!), hairspray, and a cooling foot spray. That way, I was always fresh and presentable for afternoon meetings etc.

Finally, my best anti frump idea was to go through my undies and nightwear. I ruthlessly discarded anything greying, saggy or baggy and over the past couple of years I've restocked so now have a lovely range of bras, knickers and nightwear that are pretty, comfortable and gorgeous colours, so even if I'm wearing jeans and T shirt, underneath I always look and feel happy. It's amazing the lift that and good fragrance can give you.

Well done on your brilliant weight loss so far and the promotion. smile

MrAliBongo Thu 19-Jan-17 07:58:51

Aw shit... Give yourself a break, woman! Making yourself feel like crap by all this negative self-talk is not going to help you! Brilliant job on the weightloss so far, and on the promotion.

Agree with the others - you need to change at least some of your clothes before you hit your goal weight. It's part of persuading yourself that your weight loss is real. It really takes time and effort for your mind to catch up with your body when you lose a pile of weight, but if you don't do it, you're more likely to backslide/regain. Spend a day of the weekend going through your wardrobe with a critical eye: some shapes/fabrics are more tolerant of weight-loss; ditch the ones that aren't, and invest in one or two replacements.

I recently lost a lot of weight, and spent a couple of years with a completely minimalist wardrobe. Had to set very strict rules about what I bought: everything had to go with everything else. If it wasn't black, navy, royal blue or grey, it was out of bounds confused And there were a lot of things from Lidl, and the sale rails in Sainsburys! Sounds like you should prioritise work clothes, so you at least feel the part there.

If I were you, I'd also prioritise getting a haircut, and eyebrows waxed or threaded. Otherwise, start with a clean, moisturised face, and clean hands with nails cut short - you can build up to anything fancier as and when you're feeling a bit more like yourself.

mummc2 Thu 19-Jan-17 08:24:33

I was like this a few months ago and weigh around the same weight but I'm shorter so a good way to go for me still. I started with treating myself to a new hair colour and cut - I instantly felt better! Then started looking after my face better got back into a routine in a morning and night. Now with money from Christmas I have just cleared all my under wear out and renewed most of it - it's amazing how much better this one makes you feel!! I bought a lot of comfy things but also some pretty items which make me feel a lot more feminine again. I've just changed all my pjs too.
I still need to do the make-up area which I'm completely lost with as I didn't really have much of a clue before so this is going to be difficult for me!
I have purchased some new clothes but not many as still losing but it's great to have some new items in a smaller size I feel sucked in and a lot smaller.
Just keep going and try to make one change at a time it seemed very daunting to me at beginning too but I'm getting there and feeling better.
(Mfp is great I use that to track too)

ChipmunkSundays Thu 19-Jan-17 10:10:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aderyn2016 Thu 19-Jan-17 10:49:25

Just wanted to add that superdrug are really good and not expensive for eyebrow threading and dying.
Agree that you are going to have to spend some money now, rather than when you have finished losing weight. Supermarkets and peacocks are great for cheap basics to tide you over, if you didn't want to spend loads on clothes that you will be slimming out of.
I am trying to lose weight too and I always feel better about myself when I have had a decent haircut and do my nails and have nice feet.

Cindbelly Thu 19-Jan-17 18:16:44

Ah thanks everyone smile

I'm not usually so negative I promise, I think that Ive realisedover the last few days that I have neglected myself badly over the last few years and it's been getting me down.

I do moisture does my Nivea moisturiser count every morning before I put on my foundation as I find it never sits right and flakes during the day without it.

DH starts work next week for the first time in 2 years YAY so this month I've got to find money for a childminder, but come end of Feb should be able to spend some on me. grin

My hair is awful and I'm in a vicious cycle with it. I've not had it cut in 2 years but now I'm too embarrassed to see a hairdresser cos it's too bad, but it's getting worse. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and fess up to a hairdresser soon aren't I?

Work clothes, I've created a 'winter work wardrobe' for myself, leggings, long boots and a tunic / dress with my suit jacket.
I guess the problem is that I can't bring myself to wear more fitted clothes and I've noticed that is contributing to the 'frump factor'

Cindbelly Thu 19-Jan-17 18:33:29

Ok so I have just set a daily alarm on my phone to remind me to take my vitamins just a cheap asda multivit but it's got to be better then nothing right every day,
And I found some Avon hand cream which I've put next to the sink to remind me to use when I wash my hands/fill up the kettle.

Small steps

Cindbelly Thu 19-Jan-17 18:39:17

Also if anyone is still reading, does anyone know about nail care?

I'm quite good at keeping up with the varnish, and do remember to take the varnish off when it chips and redo this is probably because I can do this sitting down watching the tv but I noticed yesterday that one nail is almost translucent, so if anyone has any ideas what might have caused this and how I can fix it I would very much appreciate it

Newbrummie Thu 19-Jan-17 19:18:46

If you aren't daily blow drying your hair doesn't need cutting at all tbh. I'm growing mine and that little revelation saves me £60 every 8 weeks. I just get my high lights down now

Cindbelly Thu 19-Jan-17 19:23:31

Don't you get split ends?
Mine is all frizzy at the ends so I straighten it weekdays before works (again a cycle as I'm sure that makes the frizzy split ends worse)

Newbrummie Thu 19-Jan-17 19:52:02

Yeah I don't straighten it though so no frizz and no split ends.
With kids you want a style that doesn't need anything doing to it ideally. Hence mine will be waist length soon 🙌🏼

Cindbelly Thu 19-Jan-17 22:52:17

Mine is in dreadful condition I lose massive strands when I wash it now as well sad

BusterGonad Fri 20-Jan-17 04:26:49

The hair dressers have seen it all before, bite the bullet and get it cut. You will feel no look a million times better!

Newbrummie Fri 20-Jan-17 08:22:31

Sounds like it's got to comeback off then and start again. Are you using protein shakes as part of your weight loss ? They did wonders for my hair

gottaloveascamhun Fri 20-Jan-17 19:54:29

If you can afford £20 every 2 weeks on your nails I would highly recommend Shellac. looks like high gloss nail polish but is almost indestructible. Shiny, non chip nails look polished and smart. My appointment lasts 1 hour to soak off the old polish and apply my new choice of colour. I have a mobile mail technician who has become a friend- she comes to my house in the evening and we have a good chat whilst she does my nails. Gives me a real lift as they last so well and look good.

Cindbelly Fri 20-Jan-17 20:43:08

No protein shakes I wanted to lose weight and change my lifestyle, not diet to lose weight of that makes sense.
I will look into it though if they help hair strength!

Does shellac weaken your nails if you use it for a long period?
Years ago (pre dc) I used to have gel nails done, but I remember they made my nails really weak and it took a long time to get them healthy after I stopped having them done lol the time

gottaloveascamhun Fri 20-Jan-17 21:23:14

If you choose a good therapist shellac won't weaken your nails- they just file the very top layer to allow the polish to adhere. But if you go to a bad salon they gile yoyr nsils too harshly which weakens them. Find a personal recommendation. Gel needs more filing I think. I used to have held but shellac lasts longer and less damage to the nail.

Newbrummie Sat 21-Jan-17 14:04:34

Nobody eats enough protein really. A high protein shake will definitely help your nails and hair. I stay away from shellac because st some point you need the nails to be strong alone not masked

InTheDessert Sat 21-Jan-17 14:15:53

I take advice from S&B, and shouldn't dish itour, but yes, book an ppointment with the hairdresser. I cut my own hair for most o the year, and then whenback in the UK in the summer, book an appointment. I'm brutally honest with them "hi, I need you to sort my hair out, I live somewhere really hot, swim a lot, and have cut it myself for the past year, please sort it best you can" they don't normally bat an eyelid.
And no, having received a message from a friend this week to bring g my sharp scissors as she has risked a local hair cut and it needs sorting, a home cut is less disastrous than getting one locally!!

Will read for other hints!

Cindbelly Sat 21-Jan-17 17:32:04

Ooh dessert which country? <nosy>
I wish my hair was due to sun and swimming, rather then a general lack of care and attention..

Well I went into town and feeling motivated went to a hairdressers!
They've taken about 3 inches off the length and layered it throughout, it now sits nicely below my shoulders. I already miss the length! But it will grow and this time I can cut it regularly and make sure it's long me healthy.

Whilst in town I went to a Few shops and also brought:

Cuticle sticks and oil
Microfibres hair turban
New powder
Argon oil heat defence spray, deep conditioner, shampoo and conditioner
Hair dye realised yesterday the grey is taking over
New boots for work as my current ones were looking tired and old.

That's all the budget would stretch to but I'm looking forward to doing my nails later and browsing the s&b boards.

Went to DP and nearly brought a dress but would have had to buy a size 18 and although I've taken the points from everyone onboard about buying new clothes it would have been really demotivating to buy the same size as pre weight loss so I left it

InTheDessert Sat 21-Jan-17 17:49:41

Oh, boy. Sorry for the awful typing.
Sounds like you've made massive progress on the non weight related de-frump. Congratulations!

I live in a place hated by many on MN!! We're out in the Middle East with DHs work. Along with the anual haircut, I do an annual trouser and Bra shop... I'm really glancing this up, aren't I !!!

I've just converted your weight to kg, as that's what I work in. I'm your height. Currently 170lb, so what you are now, and sitting here in size 14 trousers. Don't be demotivated by the size on that dress! My target is a bit higher than yours, aiming for just into healthy BMI. I bet you look fab, not fat.

Cindbelly Sun 22-Jan-17 12:36:31

Thanks dessert, your life definately sounds more glamorous then mine, even if you are downplaying it!

I also think you've touched on a point there that people can be the same height and weight but very different sizes.
I need to add some form of toning to my weight loss, at the moment I think that if I toned up a bit I would look a million times better, but I hate exercise in general and there's always a million reasons excuses not to do any that I handily fall back on every day.

Today we are going to SIL for coffee and to play with the DC. i had a bit of a wardrobe blank earlier so have gone for skinny faded jeans, knitted olive jumper, and my fake Dc Martins I wouldn't really wear skinny jeans in winter as I never can work out what shoes to wear with them, and it's too cold to wear ballet flats which is what I would normally choose

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