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Is there any point in ugly women wearing make-up/ dressing up? Is jewellery OK?

(246 Posts)
splendide Tue 10-Jan-17 13:07:56

I feel as though there's no point in me making any effort beyond being clean because I look awful whatever I do.

I have this horrible suspicion that people are just laughing at me if I make an effort - as if I delude myself into thinking I'm attractive.

I thought maybe some nice jewellery would mean there was something nice to look at.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Tue 10-Jan-17 13:13:57

I guarantee you are not ugly.
My favourite quote for days like this (we all have them, I'm size 22 and no oil painting) is from Roald Dahl, The Twits:

If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly

HowardMoonsJazzTrumpet Tue 10-Jan-17 13:16:53

"Ugly women". sad

Who says you are 'ugly'? What is 'ugly'? Wear what makes you feel good, what boosts you. You sound like your self confidence is in the gutter, which is a real shame. We can't all be supermodels but we can all highlight our best bits and strive to be good people where it actually counts.

Bluntness100 Tue 10-Jan-17 13:18:40

Why would uou possibly think you're ugly.

My favourite quote is "there is no ugly women, just lazy ones".

You're not ugly, make the effort. And stop being so down on yourself.

splendide Tue 10-Jan-17 13:19:32

I have been told I'm ugly all my life. My face is wonky and my hair is thin and lank.

I do want to look better but I feel like I'm just humiliating myself when I try.

Bluntness100 Tue 10-Jan-17 13:20:49

Who has been telling you you're ugly? You will not be ugly. Some one or some people have been abusing you. Don't believe them.

Manumission Tue 10-Jan-17 13:21:36

Yes. It makes a difference.

Groomed is a continuation of clean. You don't have to go the whole hog and look like a breakfast TBH presenter circa 1986. Small things make a difference; haircut, manicure, blusher, eye makeup.

Pick and choose. Try one at a time and see what you think.

Stop using the U word about yourself. It's hateful.

HowardMoonsJazzTrumpet Tue 10-Jan-17 13:21:52

Oh splendide. A decent cut and maybe a colour could help to improve the look of your fine hair.

The ugly is in the attitudes of the people who've put you down over the years.

Bluntness100 Tue 10-Jan-17 13:25:20

I agree, the people who said it are th ugly ones. Make the effort, don't listen to them, don't let them win,

paxillin Tue 10-Jan-17 13:25:42

Is the jewellery and the make up fun for you? Then do it, it'll show. Don't do it if it is yet another chore.

Verydownaboutitall Tue 10-Jan-17 13:27:01

I urge you to cut these people out of your life. My ex told me I was ugly and that people were laughing at me when I tried to make an effort. My parents did the same and will still laugh at me. I tied a scarf onto a handbag because I read somewhere to do it and they were hooting with laughter at me.

I have taken some very small steps towards making more effort, such as wearing mascara, wearing a scarf etc. I think the key is to do one tiny thing until you are comfortable and then add something else, so it is a gradual process. Nobody is laughing at you. They are not.


splendide Tue 10-Jan-17 13:27:23

Colour I could do, that's a good idea. My hair is quite a light mouse colour so darker might be good.

And yes I can understand groomed as a continuation of clean I suppose. I just don't want anyone to think I think I look good (if that makes sense) and be laughing at me. This has honestly happened to me before.

MrsDustyBusty Tue 10-Jan-17 13:28:10

I don't want to patronise you or make assurances about your appearance that couldn't possibly be based on genuine knowledge, but I've rarely seen a really ugly person. I think that grooming and confidence really can transform appearance.

MrsDustyBusty Tue 10-Jan-17 13:28:54

Also, nobody is bothered laughing at anyone. Few people think of much other than themselves.

cheekyfunkymonkey Tue 10-Jan-17 13:28:58

Surely you should wear makeup or not and jewelry or not based on what makes you feel confident and good about yourself and not for other people. If you like experimenting with it, go for it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what some people find beautiful others don't. In my experience confidence kindness and (self deprecating usually) humour are what makes people beautiful. Stop worrying about what other people think, they're not worried about what you put on your face or not, and if they are then feel sorry for them as they clearly have too much time on their hands!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Tue 10-Jan-17 13:29:54

Ugliness is an internal thing.

Anyone who says you're ugly is just projecting.

You're not ugly. Promise.

Bluntness100 Tue 10-Jan-17 13:30:04

>> just don't want anyone to think I think I look good (if that makes sense) and be laughing at me. This has honestly happened to me before.<<

No one will think that. I think you've had some bad people in your life. There is nothing wrong with trying to look good or thinking uou look good.

FeralBeryl Tue 10-Jan-17 13:33:08

Oh sad
I agree, you have some pretty nasty people in your life to say such things to you.
You are NOT ugly.
Is there anything you do like about yourself? What about your eyes? What colour are they? It's a slippery slope to self loathing once you let insidious little voices from insidious little people tel you you're ugly/worthless etc.
What did you 'try' last time that hit the negative reactions?

splendide Tue 10-Jan-17 13:35:44

I had one awful experience when I heard some women talking about me when I was in loos at a pub. They were laughing about me and how I was smug about my outfit but I still looked like a troll. I know it's pathetic but I honestly have PTSD style flashbacks about it. I wasn't smug I promise.

Then about a year later I was just out with a group of friends going to a hen party (had made a real effort) and a man said to me "fucking hell you're ugly" as we walked past in the street.

So I've been sort of going for invisible since. But I have a two year old and I don't want him to think I'm all down trodden and want to try to be a bit more positive about it all but I just get so stuck on this point.

Manumission Tue 10-Jan-17 13:36:09

Anyone who would say that is motivated by their own issues NOT your appearance.

Manumission Tue 10-Jan-17 13:37:04

All any of us can do is make the best of what we get given, physically, which changes over time anyway.

LiveLifeWithPassion Tue 10-Jan-17 13:37:54

I'm absolutely sure you're not ugly.

Google and YouTube are handy if you want to learn how to make your hair fuller or look at hairstyles, how to wear make up etc. If you want to.

Wear jewellery you like. There's absolutely no reason not to when you want to.

Manumission Tue 10-Jan-17 13:39:22

Why don't you start by making a point of smiling? I bet you don't smile.

THAT is an important example to set your toddler and it changes anyone's appearance for the better instantly.

specialsubject Tue 10-Jan-17 13:40:03

no-one is ugly. Sounds like you have damage from some seriously nasty people. A bunch of childish bitches in a pub and a neanderthal outside are NOT people who you should give headspace too.

Perhaps some talking to match your head to your appearance, which will be fine because everyone looks fine!

MrsDustyBusty Tue 10-Jan-17 13:40:42

Dreadful people. I understand that those are horrible experiences, but you shouldn't let such appalling individuals define your sense of self. Easier said, I know. For some reason, the mind can fix on the negative and filter out the positive.

Have you considered hypnotherapy to help build self esteem and counteract those messages?

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