45, frumpy, fat and fed up - where do I start please?

[iknowimcoming]

Help! Am feeling really fed up with my reflection in the mirror. Most of my clothes are too small as I've gone from a comfy 12 to a snug 14 and whilst I will try and shift the weight, I need to look better to feel better iyswim? Have given up work for a year (long story) so no reason to look smart so I end up in jeans and plain boring tshirts everyday. Can afford to buy nice stuff, just never see stuff that makes me want to buy it as I always feel it'll make me look fat. Am large of knork 32/34ff, 5'5", rarely wear make-up, hair is a boring bob, but have made an appointment for next week to sort out hairstyle and colour to something more funky! Wondering whether to book a personal shopper at debenhams/John Lewis? Any suggestions welcome

[Diddlydokey]

Find someone who has your shape/ hair type etc and style that you like and emulate it.

Beware of 'funky' hair - just go for what suits you and your hair type.

[acornsandnuts]

Goodness you could be me. Same problems but I work from home but rarely need to dress up. I struggle with tops as I always feel either slutty or matronly. Loose stuff hangs and make me looks huge.

I can't wear heels due to hip issues so feel even stumper.

Sorry not much help just sharing your misery.

Watching for marvelous advice that will follow.

[RickOShay]

I am taller than you, 3 years older, same norkage and a size 12 finally after being a 14/16 for ages. I layer a lot. Today I am wearing faded blue skinny jeans, stripy blue vest top and charcoal grey long sleeved t shirt. I love jeans. What did you feel good in? Layering is useful, but I don't know if you would feel comfortable with that style. Do you like dresses? Bit more info please

[iknowimcoming]

Thanks re emulate someone with style I like - hmm not sure I know anyone really not into slebs/magazines so that's tricky for me.
Funky hair - yes, noted. Fortunately my hairdresser is very good and sensible so not too much danger of mutton

[KnockMeDown]

Definitely book a personal shopper - I did this just this weekend , at Debenhams, and came out with lots of lovely clothes . Can really recommend it!

[allegretto]

Do you have things in your wardrobe you actually like? I felt very frumpy and went through my wardrobe trying stuff on and really looking at how it made me feel - then I threw everything out that made me feel frumpy! It was tough as basically it was all the stuff I normally wear because it's practical...useful...goes with stuff....but basically boring! Don't hang on to frumpy stuff because it's useful - that's the killer for me. Once I got rid of the grey/black t-shirts I had to think more about putting together outfits - which was a lot better if a bit of pita.

[iknowimcoming]

Rick - yes I do love jeans and layering is a look I like on others. I tend to stick to boot cut jeans and boots as I have chunky calves and have very few no shoes that would work with skinny jeans. I need new boots for this year also! Also have longish legs and short body so carry all my weight around my middle and boobs. I like dresses but find them tricky to fit well because of my shape. I've been learning to sew recently in the vain hope of taking dresses in on the waist and hips if they fit well on the bust. Sigh ....

[iknowimcoming]

Thanks knockmedown - I'm plucking up the courage!

[iknowimcoming]

Allegretto - no that's half the problem! I went out on Saturday night to a swanky restaurant and literally had nothing to wear, even went shopping on Friday but didn't find a thing I liked

[RickOShay]

Do you like the look of skinny jeans? Or boyfriend jeans? I wear ballet pumps, do you like them?
Going out, what about a silk shirt? Boden has a lovely one at the moment. I have forgotten how to do links, but if you google it hopefully it will come up. Perhaps get some long vest tops and try a bit of layering. I also carry all my weight around my middle, shift dresses with a bit of structure work well. I am also overly obsessed with cashmere and merino, have a look at Uniqlo, their merino crew neck jumpers are extremely flattering, and brilliant for layering.

[homebythesea]

Have a look at Poppysstyle blog- she has the same body shape by the sound of it

[iknowimcoming]

Rick - I like the look of skinny jeans and I do like ballet flats. I think my problem is that I need to start at the beginning again, I need new bag shoes boots everything and that overwhelms me as I'm not confident enough in my choosing to enjoy shopping iyswim? I saw one thing I liked last week when I went shopping, a skirt, but then I was like but what shoes would I wear with it, and what top and so I didn't buy it.

Having a look at the Boden site was useful (thanks) as I liked their feature on different women's wardrobes for the week and I like a lot of their clothes. Also I was looking at uniqlo a couple of days ago as someone on here mentioned them. I will put in an order to both I think, also going to order some next 360 skinny jeans (another Mumsnet recommendation) and go from there. I have just booked a personal shopper 'seasonal wardrobe update' 2 hour appointment at Debenhams at the end of next week - gulp! I really think I need a good kick up the arse to just get on with it rather than wishing I looked better! Thanks for your help - I'll update with progress!

[iknowimcoming]

Rick - I like the look of skinny jeans and I do like ballet flats. I think my problem is that I need to start at the beginning again, I need new bag shoes boots everything and that overwhelms me as I'm not confident enough in my choosing to enjoy shopping iyswim? I saw one thing I liked last week when I went shopping, a skirt, but then I was like but what shoes would I wear with it, and what top and so I didn't buy it.

Having a look at the Boden site was useful (thanks) as I liked their feature on different women's wardrobes for the week and I like a lot of their clothes. Also I was looking at uniqlo a couple of days ago as someone on here mentioned them. I will put in an order to both I think, also going to order some next 360 skinny jeans (another Mumsnet recommendation) and go from there. I have just booked a personal shopper 'seasonal wardrobe update' 2 hour appointment at Debenhams at the end of next week - gulp! I really think I need a good kick up the arse to just get on with it rather than wishing I looked better! Thanks for your help - I'll update with progress!

[iknowimcoming]

Gah, double post sorry!

Home - thanks but her her style scares me a bit! Would love to have that confidence! Her style is too high-necked and not fitted enough for me sadly.

[RickOShay]

Oh I am really pleased . It takes time to work out what you like. Take your time, and don't worry too much if you get things wrong, it doesn't matter. Whistles do lovely bags, and I have also seen a lovely grey bucket bag in the White Company catalogue, I am currently lusting after their charcoal cashmere jumper. Scarves can be a way to experiment without feeling like too much of a twat, or spending too much money. Please do update with your new purchases

[KnockMeDown]

Really pleased you have booked the personal shopper - hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Can I ask whereabouts you are? I went to the Brighton Debenhams.

Trawl the Debenhams website before you go, keep an open mind, and remember that you are under no obligation to buy anything.

[RickOShay]

Agree with Knock. Personal shopper is a great idea, but only buy stuff you LOVE regardless of whether it goes with anything else, you can then build your outfit around your love item. Also thought, what about a tailored coat? Wool blend, structured, colours to think about, teal, charcoal and navy. Also big chunky scarf.

[RickOShay]

But do try lots on, especially things you wouldn't have chosen yourself, you might be surprised at what looks good on. Don't rush.

[shinynewusername]

Her style is too high-necked

I am also large of nork (30E). Definitely stay away from high-neck - they make large boobs look 2 submarines bobbing madly just under the surface from the front and from the side we look pregnant

[sleepwhenidie]

Do you use Pinterest? It's amazingly helpful for things like this, to help you collect a page of looks you like, take some kind of plan from that and pin stuff you are considering so that you can see how they compare/work with other things/whether you really love them enough to buy. I would try and do this before you get a personal shopper . A good starting point would be doing what allegretto said, go through your wardrobe and cull. Then look at the things you do like and identify why...cut, colour, fabric? Work with that to find other items to buy.

[BikeRunSki]

You sound very similar to me OP, same age, probably a similar size, and I also very chunky calves. I wear straight leg jeans - they have the look of skinnies on my legs, but actually get over them! I love these from M&S -M&S straight leg jeans.

[MrsMarigold]

I tried these M&S straight leg jeans and they are ok but DH thinks mint velvet jeans are a much better fit.

[iknowimcoming]

Oh thanks so much everyone so kind and helpful! I'm going to Basingstoke Debenhams for the personal shopping thing. Yes Rick you read my mind on the coat thing. Having spent years in coats from millets I promised myself this year from now on no Velcro! So I treated myself to a lovely spotty joules coat for rainy days (even got the matching wellies and people have already commented on the coat). So have in my mind a lovely navy wool single breasted fitted coat, three quarter ish length with a lovely chunky scarf, so if anyone sees a good one shout!

Am already feeling better just having a plan so thanks everyone. I have gone wild and put eyeliner and mascara on today, and commandeered a pair of navy loafers I bought for dd that haven't passed the 17 year old test, only cheapies from Sainbos but I like them, and actually felt quite good leaving the house this morning!

[BringMeTea]

This is nice. High wool content for warmth. Reasonable price.

www.johnlewis.com/levi's-long-wool-blend-coat-nightwatch-blue/p2709468