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does such a thing exist?

(17 Posts)
gillybeanz Tue 27-Sep-16 12:02:47

Having so much trouble with dd and getting her to choose appropriate things.
I think the main thing is she has no idea what to choose and what looks nice.
she isn't interested in anything smart at all and sometimes the occasion calls for more than jeans and hoodies.
Anything i suggest is wrong and she takes no inspiration from friends who have the right type of idea.
It has come to the point where she has to loan something to wear for the theatre this week, from one of her friends.
I can't take her shopping as won't be seeing her in time.
I'm not talking pretty little dresses just something a bit smartish.
She is 12 and a size 8, maybe age 15/16 in children's clothes.

Any suggestions gratefully received.
She won't wear mini skirts and they don't look good on her chunkyish legs, she's quite muscly but not over weight, and about 5ft 3.

ihatethecold Tue 27-Sep-16 12:05:20

New look teenage section can be quite good and not too trendy for teens. Not too £££ either.
Teen Zara is a little too trendy for young teens I think.
Would she go shopping with her friends at all.

Pantsalive Tue 27-Sep-16 12:19:55

I second New Look - a good line between not to young and girlish and not to old.

Would she wear a jumpsuit? Something like this?

gillybeanz Tue 27-Sep-16 12:43:18

Thanks, I like the jumpsuit, may order it for another time. it's quite smart.

No, she won't go with friends. If her and her school friends go out at lunch they go to places like lush to get freebies, or buy donuts and go to poundworld or Aldi for tuck grin

We have to younger ones in the family ds's gfs are 23 and 21, they have tried as well.

It's just so infuriating that she won't try.
I've just text her and said that my permission to allow her to go has the trade off that she will come shopping on Saturday or Sunday for an occasional outfit for nice occasions.

I wouldn't mind but I don't try and control what she wears, she can wear what she likes, I just want to provide a suitable wardrobe, surely that's not too much to ask.
The girl has no shame and will gladly wear something loaned from a friend. I'd have been mortified and embarrassed thinking people thought me poor, she couldn't care less grin

RaisingSteam Tue 27-Sep-16 12:53:09

Teenage girls can have really low body confidence. I remember a phase when I hated dressing up and drawing attention to myself (in fact never really got out of it).

Would she feel better in a slightly more smart version of what she usually wears? Slim stretchy trousers instead of jeans and a loose but pretty top. And say ballet pumps or boots if she's normally more comfortable in trainers. Then she is not so much out of her comfort zone.

plimsolls Tue 27-Sep-16 13:02:41

My mum used to get catalogues and let us browse for things we liked the look of. It was much more relaxed than going shopping and it helped me think about overall outfits. I found individual tops/trousers/skirts in shops hard to put together and think about in terms of the bigger outfit picture, if you see what I mean.

I guess nowadays online shopping does the job of catalogues, but would be good if you could find something which shows young teenagers dressed and styled in outfits rather than individual photos of tops and trousers.

I wonder if Pinterest is good for this kind of thing? I use it a lot as an adult. Perhaps your daughter could select some outfits she likes the look of, and then you could find similar in shops/online on her behalf.

plimsolls Tue 27-Sep-16 13:07:57

Also, it may well be she is happier to borrow something from a friend because it already has the " seal of approval". I was like that as a teen...not confident in my own choices but if I borrowed from a friend then I knew the outfit was OK. I would also pretend I didn't care about clothes to hide my uncertainty.

gillybeanz Tue 27-Sep-16 13:57:57

Wow, thank you for those comments.
I have just realised what a nerrr I am.
I am exactly the same, jeans and tops or leggings and tunic type of thing.
I also never found what looked right and certainly don't do dresses if i can help it.

I never thought about her being uncertain as she always says straight away that she doesn't like something.
I can remember when those lacy type of things came out, on skirts and tops, she said they looked like curtain material grin All her friends were wearing them. grin It lulled me into a false sense of security, believing she knew her own mind and what she wanted.

I will try the shopping on saturday armed with a list of items she needs for which occasion and take it from there. She doesn't even have a mac or waterproof atm because she wouldn't choose one for start of term.

I'd have loved my mum to take a sum out of bank, give it to me to spend on clothes grin that i liked and not her.

polyhymnia Tue 27-Sep-16 14:02:06

If it's any comfort, if she's going to the theatre in London jeans are absolutely fine anyway. She'd fit right in.
But perhaps the rest of her group have decided to dress up more?

ShowMeTheElf Tue 27-Sep-16 14:04:44

She's 12, not a teenager yet. Don't make her grow up and be image conscious too soon. Just buy her a frock and say if she doesn't want to choose you'll do it for her.
Job done.

gillybeanz Tue 27-Sep-16 16:31:09


I have done this in the past and wasted my money as she never wore it.
sometimes, I'm not there to make her wear certain things iyswim.

I don't particularly want her to grow up, on the contrary I'd rather her wear age appropriate clothes and not just jeans and hoodies, like teens quite often do.

I saw some lovely black trousers that she could team with a pretty blouse but know she won't wear the trousers as her school uniform is black trousers, it's so hard.

I do think the rest of the party will be more dressed up, and dd hasn't met any of them yet. Well, she'll either borrow something or wear her jeans I suppose.

I'm definitely taking her out for new wardrobe at weekend, surely there can't be anything wrong in stressing she has the right clothes for the right occasion as long as she can choose for herself?

I wouldn't mind but i'd have loved to have been bought new clothes rather than had to wear my dsis hand me downs that went out of fashion. grin

Let her be herself and you don't need to dress up for the theatre!

I would stop trying to push her tbh and I wouldn't want her wearing mini skirts either!

plimsolls Tue 27-Sep-16 17:27:56

That's the thing about children though.... It doesn't matter that you would have loved to be bought new clothes in this way wink

I wish my daughter loved baths and naps as much as I do! grin

gillybeanz Tue 27-Sep-16 17:33:39

I know, I just see other girls her age dressed for the occasion whatever that might be and think her confidence might improve if she found an image she liked for more dressed occasions.

I only said about mini skirts because there are a lot around for children, even school skirts are mini. I don't like them and neither does she, so was saying so nobody recommended them. new look appears to be full of them even for 8 year olds.

dramaqueen Tue 27-Sep-16 17:48:57

My dd (13) is exactly the same. Jeans, t shirts and trainers. We had to get her a dress to wear for a 'do' and after weeks of "I don't like that" found a dress in superdry. It's full of plain simple stuff.

Alternatively my advice is to buy her a new pair of jeans and t shirt, and let her be herself.

Laodicean Tue 27-Sep-16 17:50:55


They have stuff like nice coloured skinnies: dd has berry ones.

Also play suits, which dd also loves.

It's really cheap, so no exprnsive mistakes. Just avoid the more lurid club wear type stuff 😀

gillybeanz Tue 27-Sep-16 18:25:51

Thanks, I'd only seen the lurid clubwear on boohoo, will definitely take a look again.
FWIW, I do let her be herself she only has things that she has picked out and in the past was happy with a jersey type dress with a black top and sort of checked bottom bit from BHS, it wasn't too girly and she chose it herself.
I just think horses for courses, she gets disappointed if others are dressed up and she isn't, it makes her a bit uncomfortable even though she's happy with what she wears.

Have text her and asked about shopping and not got the usual do we have to complaints, so maybe we'll have break through.
We are Manchester so will have some fun in Arndale and the high street shops. There's even selfridges and john Lewis grin a huge debenhams and all the usual shops, so maybe we'll find something.

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