Looking past it - shallow post

[doodlebug34]

I suddenly feel like I look really old. I'm 36, have always looked young for my age, but think it's caught up with me. I don't think having my hair done or make up really helps, I still look like shit. I've recently gone blonder. I don't feel any better. It's probably emphasized by issues to do with self esteem. However, I would love to be just okay with myself, despite how I look. I know it's shallow and it's really not important in the grand scheme of things . How do you get to that point though? My family are all good looking, especially my Mum. I've been told before that I'm not as good looking at my Mum. Any good books which would just help me accept?

[DeadGood]

Ah I could have written your post. I was smugly youthful for way too long and started to take it for granted.
No suggestions, only solidarity! Am considering Botox!

[Nettletheelf]

You're only 36! That is still young.

Go and see a personal shopper, then look at women ten years older than you who still look fab. That's what I do. I'm 44 but I think, "if Michelle Obama* can still look the biz, so can I!"

• or Miriam Gonzales Durantes, or Samantha Cameron, or whoever.

[doodlebug34]

I don't know if they have any personal shoppers where I live! It's like the twilight zone

Good to know it's not just me. I'm
A bit scared of Botox. Does that even work on eye bags? It mainly my eyes, I'm not very lined, just look knackered!

[RickOShay]

I don't think being concerned about how you look is shallow, it is too tied up with how you feel about yourself internally. I felt like shit when I was overweight, and my inability to do anything about it was connected to how I felt about myself and my life. I actually only lost the weight after I had a nasty bug, so it wasn't as if I dug deep saw the light and hallelujah I am in control and I can do it, no, fate took over. I am trying to think of something helpful to say to you, it really is OK to be you. You are just fine. You are safe to make changes, be the person you want to be, the sky will not fall down. Your mother's beauty has probably not meant she is more content. Beauty tends to be just something else to deal with. Try to start loving yourself, say it to yourself, then naturally you will begin to appreciate the way you are. Good luck

[doodlebug34]

Thank you RickOShay, you're right. She hasn't been more content because of it. Looking good has always been held in high regard in my family and looking good, or not, has always been commented on. I go through phases of being okay with myself, it's something I really need to work on.

[Pisssssedofff]

Loads of water and I mean loads, 3 litres a day made a massive difference to how pumped up my skin looked

[Youranus]

Completely agree with Nettletheelf. I'm 43 and when feeling a bit down about my age, I spend time looking at pictures of women my age and older who I think look fantastic. I'll Google some classic beauties and anyone else whos looks I admire. The following always make me feel o.k about ageing:
Monica Belluci,
Annie Lennox,
Zoe Wannamaker,
Pam Ferris,
Sophie Marceau,
Rachel Weisz,
Joanna Lumley.
How unfortunate that someone suggested you weren't as attractive as your Mum! That's just one persons opinion, but dumb comments like that are often the ones we remember.

[rightknockered]

I think it is a common thing when you get to you 30's to start feeling older and a lapse in confidence. You need to start focussing on women who look fabulous in their 40's and beyond. I'm 45 and don't botox or use fillers, but there's nothing wrong with it if that's what you want to do. I have a needle phobia, otherwise I would.
I think botox can help with lines under your eyes, 11's, forehead lines, that sort of thing.
Personally, I drink a lot of water, workout with weights, and try to look for something to be joyful about each day. I think happiness and feeling contented with life helps a lot. Keeping stress levels down is important. Yoga is helpful.

[doodlebug34]

Three litres! Bloody hell! I don't have anywhere near that much! Good point though.

It's not just one person, it's quite a few. It's also been implied a lot. I have quite thick skin I guess, I'm totally different to my Mum. She's English looking, I'm not. There's not a lot I can do about that!

You see, I seem to compare to photos of women in their 20s!! Pretty stupid, I know. I think I somehow expected to never age

My DD makes me happy everyday, I really am so grateful I have her. I didn't think I would have any kids.

I might look into yoga, stress/anxiety is a major issue for me. It's probably why I look so knackered. I'm getting that sorted though.

[Pisssssedofff]

Stress will kill you before anything else, it's awful but it's true and I am crap at managing it too. Im guzzling my water and off to yoga. I've also put a massage in the budget too it's essential not a luxury.

[doodlebug34]

I love having a massage. I will be with family soon so might be able to have some time to myself. I don't get any at the moment as I live so far away from family.

[Pisssssedofff]

Does your gym have a crèche ? My friend uses hers to put the kids in for a couple of hours whilst she has a hot shower and a massage lol I don't think she's done a work out in 4 years I've known her

[doodlebug34]

No, virtually non existent child care where I live. Live in the middle of nowhere!

[AgathaF]

Have a google at tear trough fillers. For tired looking, eyes that appear to have eye bags, it's the biz. I tried so many things before having the fillers, and nothing else even came close to making a difference.