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I just never seem to get it right, zero confidence

(41 Posts)
craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 10:55:38

In the past few years I have slimmed from a size 18/20 to a size 12, yet I have less confidence in how I look and the way I dress now than when I was overweight. I feel that I shouldn't moan now I have more choice of where I can shop and what I can wear, but this is really getting me down.

I very rarely feel comfortable in anything I wear, due to having an awkward shape and a bit of excess skin (on arms, thighs and belly). I have a whole wardrobe of clothes but find myself wearing the same couple of outfits on rotation (leggings and boyfriend shirts mostly), but I want to look more feminine/different/summery.

I wore skinny jeans, a loose silk vest top and thin cardi yesterday, thought I looked ok, but saw myself in a shop window and realised it didnt fit my bust well, hung too loose so made me look bigger, and I felt uncomfortable all day. I don't know if I am choosing the wrong styles, wrong sizes, wrong shapes, or if it's just all in my head.

The trend for boxy type tshirts look awful on me, tight tops show my belly, loose tops make me look bigger, I can't win! Skinny jeans look ok but I struggle to find nice tops that cover my bum. I just don't know how to dress, and I don't have the money to keep buying something, liking it and then realising my mistake when I wear it again.

I think I am a rectangle shape. 32FF bust with narrow shoulders. Not a particularly defined waist, flat bum, slightly chunky thighs, legs ok from knee down.

Can anyone help, or is anyone a similar shape and size? Where do you shop and what clothes suit you?

notagiraffe Thu 07-Jul-16 11:01:42

It's good that you are getting used to your new shape. It's not just the weight loss but the difference body type that emerges which can be difficult to dress.
Sounds like you'd suit long tunics with a V neck to show off the bust and end just when the slim part of your legs starts.
They're not that in fashion right now, and hated by loads of style queens on here, but empire line is a perfect cut for that body type. Shows off the bust but also the very slim area just below the bust if you are 32FF, then skims loosely over the stomach area.
Some maxi dresses are still cut to that shape so try some on for summer. You can buy those cropped, long-sleeved fine stretch fabric boleros on Ebay for about £3 in every colour under the sun, which will disguise flabby arms.

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 11:10:31

Hi I feel your pain when I put on weight it goes on my tummy. I also have a big chest. I always wore a bubble hem top like this one as it hugs your hips as 12 is not big and it skims over flabby belly maybe a size 14 would be more flattering. With dark skinny jeans as dark always makes legs appear slimmer with a nice pair of heels smile that too will show your chest nicely too so it won't tent over your chest making you look bigger than you are.

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 11:10:45

Thank you for your reply. Yes I think I do suit tops/dresses like that. Under my bust is my slimmest part, I just find it difficult to find anything that skims and doesnt make me look pregnant!

I brought a wrap dress from boden that fits like it was made for me, and skims over my belly, and I got lots of compliments. I would say that is the only piece of clothing I own that I like and fits well.

I would love a maxi dress as I'm 5'6 so think I suit them, but again struggling to find any without garish patterns (though plain jersey does my figure no favours), and with wide straps.

Should also say I'm 30, and spent most of my 20's shopping in M&S, so would like to branch out a bit and dress my age.

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 11:13:25

Also a top like this is loose fitting covers your top arms if they are you problem area.

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 11:13:38

Thank you, 3perfect, I like that top, though I always found bubble hem would ride up when I have worn them before? I should probably say that my clothes need to suit the school run, so that would be perfect with jeans but I need flats! But shoes is something I can do- I have way too many! Co ordinating them with my outfits, is another matter!

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 11:13:59 sorry here is the link

Hopefully Thu 07-Jul-16 11:16:17

I know it gets trotted out a lot here (and criticised just as often, especially when I trot it out as I have a vested interest!), but you sound really similar to how I felt after losing all the pregnancy weight after I had DC2, and getting my colours and style analysed by House of Colour really did completely turn around my confidence in how I looked. I just didn't have a clue how to dress my body shape, and the style analysis really helped me work out the good and bad bits of my body and how to make the most of it. And also made me see why some stuff that looks good on my body shape still doesn't work on me, as I feel like a tit in it.

I was so converted that I am a HoC consultant now though, so you may wish to ignore me and wait until someone else suggests it grin.

jaykay34 Thu 07-Jul-16 11:18:52

Do you ever get a free afternoon ? You could always just go out and have a "try on" day - where you basically just go out and try on a load of different outfits. Take some selfies in the dressing room mirrors and the have a good look when you get home at what suits you.

Sometimes trying things that you wouldn't normally go for opens up a whole load of new options.

Could you get some similar dresses to the Boden wrap and use that as a signature style ?

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 11:19:28

It would be riding up because maybe you need one size up? I wouldn't go long tops and leggings as personally I feel they loom maternity it's what I lived in with my pregnancies. Yes flats are good too smile cream brown black shoes go with most things. If black jeans black pumps if blue then brown smile just my opinion I could be way off smile shop around try different things on things you wouldn't usually go for they might actually suit your shape.

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 11:31:28

I do get free time to shop, but looking at my wardrobe suggests I do not have the best judgement. The people I could go with are bigger than me and just roll their eyes when I complain and I feel just tell me I look good to shut me up! To be fair when I was bigger and smaller people moaned about their size/having no clothes I did exactly the same grin

I think I need someone to help me dress, but not even sure if I have the confidence to go somewhere and do that. I know john lewis do it, but I find their clothes quite 'classic', and Im definitely 'casual', though I would prefer to be 'casual with a hint of something else!' I like the idea of taking selfies to help/critique, thank you.

Like the new look top, thanks!

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 11:32:27

I have been looking for a dress similar to the boden one I have, but no luck so far. If the boden prints weren't so out there/bright I would have got another.

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 11:58:34

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 12:03:40

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 12:12:49

That asos dress is lovely, but a bit too dressy for everyday. I don't go anywhere where I need to dress up as such, but it would be nice to be somewhere in between that and looking a scruff!

tyke1989 Thu 07-Jul-16 12:18:54

Where do you live I'll be your shopping buddy grin , I think topshop have a personal shopper service in most stores, have you looked at sea salts clothing range casual yet classic,

idontlikealdi Thu 07-Jul-16 12:20:59

I've got a wobbly belly and a light control vest really jaws a difference to how tops fit and hang, M&s have some good ones and also Tu.

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 12:51:18

Tyke, I need a shopping buddy! I've just cleared my wardrobe and I don't have much left that I like, fits, goes with anything, and its all in dull colours. Its so depressing! I have had a look at topshop online and I feel too old for it now (I know plenty of older people shop there but don't think its for me). I do need to browse seasalt as it is more my style. 99% of my wardrobe is fatface.

I really need a white tshirt which seems impossible to find- all so see through that even with a vest you can see the pattern on my bra (have tried on a zillion t shirt bras and not one fits or gives correct support).

I do wear tighter vests under tops, and they do help. But its 20 degrees outside today and a bit warm to want layers on. I think spring/summer dressing is where I struggle. I didnt stand in front of my wardrobe wanting to cry every morning in the winter!

All I'm doing is moaning, sorry!!

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 12:56:02

This is the sort of style I like for a basic top. I just find because of my bust they come up a little short at the front, but the next size up would be too big for my shoulders.

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 13:13:51

I'm 30. Also and my favorite shop is oasis I go there for dressy and casual. Clothes are comfortable and dressy. Fit really well. The t-shirts in primary aren't see through and are long I always wear white one under a cardigan and a matching snood/scarf. It's casual but smart smile I also like Dorothy Perkins.

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 13:17:54 have a look at there tee shirts. Dressy casual. smile the 2nd link

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 13:22:16

Like alot of those tops thank you! That stripey tshirt would be perfect. What is the sizing like, I don't think I have ever purchased anything from Oasis. I'm generally a 12 in most highstreet shops (next, river island, fatface etc) but would probably be a 16 in somewhere like topshop grin

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 13:34:06

They are definitely true to size. The tops are really soft and not tight fitting. Love them. They can be dressed up or down. I'm eyeing one up I'm going to purchase smile this one

craptastic Thu 07-Jul-16 13:37:19

I just looked at that one, but I'm not sure about the 'tail' bit at the back. Perhaps Im just boring and need to live a little!

3perfectweemen Thu 07-Jul-16 13:37:50 I got this top months ago and it's so comfortable I get so many compliments . Lively with dark denim jeans

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