Arrgghh, dd and bras

[Dancergirl]

Have posted before about my 15 year old dd and bras. Basically she has developed my curvy figure but refuses to wear proper support. She is also VERY fussy about her bras making it difficult or impossible to find some that she's happy with.

She had been wearing these for the past few years:

www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-dd-plus-non-wired-t-shirt-bra/p1429176?colour=Black

In white and nude. However she had been wearing a D or DD cup which I know is far too small for her.

Her criteria were - not underwired, very plain, no lace etc, only white or nude. She won't be measured in a shop, she did measure her back size a few months ago which was a 30 and I'm guessing she needs around an F cup.

I recently bought loads of different bras from Debenhams online (including the same style she had in a bigger cup size) and left them for her to try. She said none of them were any good with the exception of one which she said was 'too big'. I find this very hard to believe looking at the volume of the cup.

She has now added 'no padding' to the criteria so that rules out the one I linked to above

She did mention a year or two ago about minimiser bras but from what I can see online they are all underwired. But I'm sure if they were properly fitted she would find them comfortable.

Any advice please? Her friends don't seem to be particularly flat chested so it's not like she's the only one....but she dances a lot so I suppose she sees a bigger bust not being ideal.

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

Hmm. Tricky.

She really needs a proper fitting bra. It will support her and be so much better for her dancing.

Is that an angle you can exploit? Maybe take her to John Lewis with a leotard to try as many as possible? Apart from anything it's a waste of money buying underwear that doesn't fit, but it could also cause her completely unnecessary pain. Would she go with a friend if she doesn't want to go with you? Have you assured her you won't go in unless she explicitly asks, I was mortified bra shopping with my mum.

I sympathise I was a busty dancer, pretty much abandoned it when I was told my body wasn't right for dance.

[elodie2000]

I would honestly just buy her the same bra in a bigger size as it goes up to a 'f'.
She's happy with it. it's not perfect but just getting a bigger cup will look much better than squeezing into a 'd' cup.

[puzzledbyadream]

What about sports bras? They are usually not underwired and are comfy, especially for dancing.

[Dancergirl]

that's awful felicia I think the dancing is a part of it, dd would like to take her dancing further. She mainly does ballet but is looking at contemporary too which is more forgiving. But aside from that, lots of teen girls feel uncomfortable with their bodies, I know I did at that age. I didn't start to like my figure until much later.

No she wouldn't go with a friend unfortunately. I think I'll have to drag her along to John Lewis or Bravissimo if she'll agree.

[Dancergirl]

elodie she WAS happy with that style but now she isn't ('no padding').

puzzled I did buy a sports bra in the selection I bought for her to try but it was a no. She couldn't really say why. She gets quite uncommunicative about it all.

[elodie2000]

Oh sorry OP!! I didn't see that they were padded! :D DD is the same with clothes. Won't try anything on in shops and buys the wrong size and fit when I can actually get her to choose something herself. I feel your frustration!

[StatisticallyChallenged]

I think no wires and no padding or moulding is basically not going to work for an f plus, even on a small band. The cups need something to give them structure unless she wants to wear something like a sports bra which she's ruled out. To get non wired and non padded it will have to be a much bigger, bulkier and dare I say it frumpier bra. Like Triumph Doreen or playtex cross your heart type thing.

A lot of teens like the Freya deco which has a non wires version. It can be a bit plungey though and it's moulded - not padded but I suspect she means not moulded either.

If she won't listen could you put the ball in her court a little? Tell her you're struggling to find something which she is happy with so she needs to look for herself and you will order whatever she fancies but your one criteria is that it needs to fit properly so she either goes to get fitted at Bravissimo/John lewis or she lets you measure her or at least check the fit of whatever she finds and you won't buy something in a stupid size just because it's the right style.

[specialsubject]

Those are my criteria too and it really shows how little choice there is. Lace itches, padding is sweaty and wires hurt. Stupid colours also look nasty and show through. Not many bras left!

I'm not as curvy as she is but the only comfortable bra I've ever worn is the berlei barely there. It has decent width shoulder straps with a bit of comfort padding, the wires are well hidden and there are no stupid extras. Trouble is they only sell it in Australia . . .

[StatisticallyChallenged]

Wires don't need to hurt though- when they fit well they don't and especially for busty women wire free can actually be more painful

[KP86]

I could show her my 'pendulous' boobs to show what happens when you are a curvy dancer and don't wear supportive underwear as a teen. I'm not yet 30 and could pick mine up off my knees most mornings.

[Abraiid1]

I sympathize. My daughter is 17 and also very sensitive. I have to resort to buying about ten a time and sending her a link to a bra-fitting video as she tries them on. She wears bras that are too small in the cup and won't be persuaded. Today I have surreptitiously ordered a new bra in a bigger size but identical to one she has been wearing that is too small. I was going to age it by washing it a few times first but might be able to get away with substituting it as is, I hope.

It is very hard. My daughter refuses to let anyone measure her up properly or for me to look at her wearing a bra, even with a tshirt on top. She has put in quite a bit of weight in the last 18 months and a lot has gone on her bust. But talking about this is a potential minefield and you have to be very careful.

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

I've just had a brainwave.

Have you tried What Katie Did? They're a vintage/burlesque style underwear company, but they do some nice non-wires bras which she might like. Something like this might be quite nice for her?

I can't advise on how the sizing comes up but they've a few different styles. I believe the customer services are pretty good too.

[ErrolTheDragon]

There are sports bras and sports bras.... my DD is quite fussy (damn debenhams for changing the sizing on the one style she liked in a normal bra!) but agreed that for the gym she did need proper support. She doesn't like the 'compression' sort that I have for running, so I got www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_152010338160_-1 - (n both white and black) - does the job and comfy (I've got an older version). It wouldn't work under lowcut/strappy clothes of course.

[Magtheridon]

I have a non padded, non wired minimiser bra from next in a 30e - it's not the most comfortable as it feels quite tight - , but it really does 'minimise' !

[Clarkgriswoldforever]

I'm an F cup and I can not wear padded. They just make me feel bigger and usually offer less support. I wear Freya bras, I have since I was 16, they usually do really modern pretty ones,

[Cazakstan]

I really feel for your dd Dancergirl my youngest dd was in the same position at 15. Her boobs were huge and she hated it. I guess the biggest problem was self confidence, trying to find a comfortable bra that didn't make her boobs look bigger was a huge problem. Actually Debenhams bra fitting were lovely, they didn't judge and were always patient. And they stock loads of different bras in big sizes. I can understand her wanting a minimiser bra, I think once she gets over the fear of getting measured...make sure she knows that she can leave her bra on and that the bra lady sees all shapes and sizes daily it will become easier.

[Millyonthefloss2]

I had similar with my dd. In the end I explained it was a health issue. You have to have a bra fitted just like you have to go to the dentist. Not wearing the right sized bra will do your back in just like not wearing the right sized shoes will do your feet in. So My dd could see the logic in that. You can 100% promise your dd that it will not be embarrassing, because the fitters do it everyday. It gave my dd a confidence boost in the end because the fitter was so nice and complimentary.

[YellowPrimula]

I sympathise with her , basically she is in denial , she just wants them to go away and is under the illusion that wearing soft cup bras which are too small will make them look smaller . She needs to understand that a well fitted , smaller back with larger cup will make her look smaller because it will support them and show off her small waist and back .

[Aimtomisbehave]

John Lewis do non wired non padded bras:
www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-lauren-cotton-blend-non-wired-non-padded-bra-white/p2269228
would these be any good?
or try another kind of sports bra - there are lots of styles and some of them are more minimising than others

[specialsubject]

Thick straps, no wire, no padding - but loads of itchy cheap looking lace that shows through. Pity, maybe one day someone will realise that bras don't need tatty decorations.

[mrsmortis]

Is it the fact that it's you asking her the questions that's causing the problems, sometimes mothers can be 'so embarassing'.

Is there another female around who could take her instead. Maybe one closer to her in age? Perhaps as a girly treat?

[slug]

I feel your pain. My DD, is 14, a 30 DD and only just coming to the conclusion that underwires my be necessary.

While a sports bra is the obvious solution, you may tempt her into wires if the bra does not look obviously like steel reinforcement

[mychildrenarebarmy]

This is what my DD has Dancergirl

www.bravissimo.com/products/lingerie/soft-cup-bras/ava-soft-cup-bra/cream/ro101cre/?brand=royce

They aren't ideal for your DD's requirements but they do offer a lot of support for those who don't want padding and underwire so could be worth suggesting as a compromise. We had to resort to these from Bravissimo because my DD is a 28F and there are very few in that size anywhere.

[Dancergirl]

Thank you all so much for your help and understanding. I'm glad I'm not alone! And however frustrating it is for me as a mum, it's worse for her.

I will have a look at all the suggestions but she really will only consider white or nude, and not even a small or faint pattern.

I also think Debenhams might be a good option, their online range is very good. cazakstan - how did you manage to persuade your dd to be fitted?

You have to have a bra fitted just like you have to go to the dentist
milly this line made me laugh (sort of) - dd has a dentist phobia but that's a whole other story. But I think I will try the health reason. She finishes school this Friday whilst my other two still have a few weeks to go....so maybe that will be a good time to do it.

[Dancergirl]

mrsmortis I don't think so, she is very shy and wouldn't discuss anything vaguely personal with anyone else.