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Can anyone help me with my dd1's hair?

(39 Posts)
Privilegeismine Tue 28-Jun-16 13:20:52

She is almost 13 and always had this type of hair. I'm white and her dad is mixed race.

As you can see from the photos (that I have hopefully added), her hair is neither straight or curly. Whether I straighten or curl it, it always ends up frizzy.

I have tried many products over the years but nothing seems to make a difference. Currently, we are using mixed chicks shampoo and leave in conditioner. She washes and brushes her hair on a night and I plait it while wet. The next morning we just brush it through and put it in a bun or pony tail.

Now she is in secondary school, kids have started commenting on her 'frizzy hair' and she HATES it. I tell her her hair is beautiful but she doesn't believe it. It is not helped by DD2's long, curly, frizz free hair.

Is there anything I can try that would make a difference?

nonicknameseemsavailable Tue 28-Jun-16 13:33:02

I always had frizzy hair and so does one of my daughters, not mixed race or afro just curly fuzzy hair.

I have started using dream kids olive miracle miracle creme on her recently and it has made a huge difference, it gets rid of the frizz, makes it less curly because it weighs it down a bit but it looks so healthy and glossy (and it smells nice too). it was under £3 from a local afro hair shop so worth a try if you haven't already tried that one.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 28-Jun-16 13:36:38

Perhaps don't brush it through after you've un plaited it?

Pantene smooth and sleek conditioner is a miracle in a bottle for my frizzy hair.

Salt spray is good too ( just discovered this) if you want some definition to the waves.

She's beautifulsmile

youngestisapsycho Tue 28-Jun-16 13:42:30

Have you tried specialist products for black/afro hair? There are a few hairdressers near where I live that are for black/afro hair... they could advise you maybe if there are any near you?

Privilegeismine Tue 28-Jun-16 13:43:00

Thanks for the tips! I will get ordering! I've never tried the dream kids stuff or salt spray.

I try to brush it as little as possible in the morning, but the front all comes out and goes frizzy overnight, so its really difficult to put up!

I can't see the day when she'll ever be able to do her own hair....

Privilegeismine Tue 28-Jun-16 13:45:34

I've mainly tried products for mixed race hair, not afro. I'll give anything a try though!

I've looked for specialist hairdressers but there are very few in the midlands. There is one in Birmingham that I've read good reviews of. Might have to book an appointment for a weekend. I guess I always thought they were more for actual afro hair.

LemonBreeland Tue 28-Jun-16 13:49:20

Completely unhelpful I know, but I think her hair is awesome! I can understand why it would be frustrating for her though.

Could she have it permanently straightened at the hairdressers. A bit expensive I should imagine though.

iamhopeless Tue 28-Jun-16 13:49:30

She's gorgeous

Ok frizzy buster tips

Wash less regularly with a glycerin packed shampoo (look at the ingredients the closer to the first ingredient the better)

Do conditioner only washes regularly

Last thing before she gets out of the shower blast her hair with cold water (if she leans right back you'll just get the hair)

Let it air dry when 90% dry turn head upside down and comb through an hair oil (there's loads to choose from) we also use a hair serum every few washes

What type of brush are you using? I find the best ones for dds hair are the really old fashioned bristle type.

don't use a brush when dry use a wide toothed comb when it's dry.

Also with dd we find a silk pillow case does help massively you can pick up silk scarves in charity shops cheaply it's worth putting one on her pillow to see if it helps.


RoryGilmore Tue 28-Jun-16 13:52:06

Stop washing it every day, and stop brushing it through. A wide toothed comb, and leave in conditioner in the morning should help.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pseudonymity Tue 28-Jun-16 13:52:37

Try Lush R&B, it's a leave in thing, they will give you a free sample if you go into the shop. It works best if you put it on wet hair and leave the hair to dry naturally. No brushing except when it's wet. Comb fingers through the hair once fully dry.

INeedNewShoes Tue 28-Jun-16 14:00:26

She's gorgeous as she is, but being a previous frizzy hair person I do understand her frustrations!

My tips:

don't towel dry - it damages the hair, adding to the frizz. I use a curl-eaze towel to squeeze it dry (no rough towel drying). Pricey at £20 but I've had it three years and it seems as though it'll last another few years.

don't brush at all - comb conditioner through gently and comb any products through after washing but once it starts the drying process don't comb/brush

use gentle shampoos for curly hair without SLS etc. The olive oil products might be good for your daughter's hair.
Then I use a silicone/parabens free conditioner and the only other product I use is Boots curl creme - I swear by it (once you've worked out the right amount for your hair). Although your daughter's hair isn't very curly I'd still recommend the curl creme for taming the frizz.

After a few weeks of not towel drying, not brushing and using gentler products you should see a difference, and after a few months my hair transformed into shiny, non-frizzy locks.

ChickyDuck Tue 28-Jun-16 14:00:30

The hairbrush is the mortal enemy of curly hair! Only brush when soaking wet. Have you tried curl cream or any other product to encourage curling? Especially in the last pic it looks like it wants to curl!

INeedNewShoes Tue 28-Jun-16 14:01:12

Oh yes, and to echo pp, definitely do not wash daily. I wash mine every other day but anywhere 2–4 days should be sufficient.

Privilegeismine Tue 28-Jun-16 14:08:25

Thank you for all the fantastic tips!

I will stop washing it so much and stop brushing!

We've just been using a normal brush so I'll swap for a wide tooth comb.

It does seem like it wants to curl when its wet and I've tried lots of different cremes and mousse to encourage it. But as soon as its dry it just goes frizzy. She refuses to wear it down to school because of that.

AdoraKiora Tue 28-Jun-16 14:10:22

Her hair is beautiful!

Have you tried just finger combing it when wet and seeing what it does naturally? Does it curl at all? It looks like it wants to spring into loose curls in the last pic, agree with the previous poster.

What does she want to do with her hair day to day? If she wants it in up-styles for school, I'd suggest styling it when still damp and using a moisturising hair cream and/or hair oil, then putting it in some good, protective plaited styles. You can get specific products called 'edge tamers' from Afro hair shops to smooth down the frizzy baby hairs, or just use a bit of wax. A silk scarf tied around her head or a silk pillow case will stop it getting too frizzy at night.

YouTube has loads of hair tutorials you can both watch for inspiration and to get her into doing her own hair.

If she wants to wear it down, I'd suggest she tries to encourage the curl rather than trying to make it straight with harsh products and heated appliances. Agree with what others have said: Condition it well, co-wash in between shampoos to keep the hair moisturised and dont ever comb or brush when dry! I spritz my DDs hair with a mixture of water and hair oil in a spray bottle if I haven't got time to wet it properly before styling.

Juicyfrooty Tue 28-Jun-16 14:12:50

I'd avoid the plaiting when wet and then brushing when dry, my daughters hair goes wild when I do that.

We are a household of frizzies here, my kids are mixed race too.

I wash hair weekly, elvive smooth intense is the best defrizzing shampoo and conditioner I've come across. Then I put a mix of leave in conditioner and pure argan oil on whilst still wet.

When she wakes with bed hair I dampen the frizzy bits with a spray bottle of water with a teeny dollop of conditioner in to calm it down again.

I have wild frizzy hair myself although not mixed race and GHD hair straighteners have literally been life changing for me, have u tried really good straighteners?

Queenbean Tue 28-Jun-16 14:13:46

No no nooooo to brushing it when dry!! Curly hair should only ever be brushed when damp to get the knots out then left well alone.

I would only wash it in the morning, not overnight, add a blob of conditioner to her hair and do not wash out, add some serum or oil then dry on low with a diffuser.

The thing with curly hair is that you can't fight it. Unless willing to spend lots of money on expensive straighteners or chemical straightening the curls will try to get back and turn in to frizz.

I wish someone had told me this aged 13 when I just kept brushing my hair hoping to get I straight!

Privilegeismine Tue 28-Jun-16 14:14:00

If I leave it it does go pretty curly, but after a few hours it starts to get frizzy. She would like to be able to wear it down.

It stays curly longer if its washed in the morning, but theres not really time before school. I will definitely get her and dd2 silk pillow cases.

Thank you!

Privilegeismine Tue 28-Jun-16 14:15:41

She has an inset day tomorrow so she can wash it in the morning and give it a go!

achildsjoy Tue 28-Jun-16 14:22:46

What about relaxing it? This would control the frizz.

StilettoToTheHeart Tue 28-Jun-16 14:53:04

There's been lots of good advice here so I won't repeat, but if you'd like her hair to stay curly, roll up into a turban in an old cotton tshirt when wet, once it's not soaking wet anymore divide into 5 or six sections and smooth a good dollop of garnier Shea butter conditioner in (the brown one) and leave to air dry naturally. Once completely dry scrunch gently to remove the crunch. Next day dampen over sink or shower and without shampooing add conditioner again wherever frizzy, using less than last time.

I have very similar hair and swear by this. Let's the curls stay pretty much how they were when the hair was wet, and much more effective and less sticky than about a million other curl lotions and potions I've tried.

StilettoToTheHeart Tue 28-Jun-16 15:09:50

Your daughter has gorgeous hair - please avoid the straighteners, keratin and relaxer routes if you can as I've done them all (not at the same time 😉) and for me they all ended up damaging my hair! I've had to embrace the curls in the end - here are a couple of photos of my hair when it's curly to give you an idea of the end result.

skippy67 Tue 28-Jun-16 15:18:54

Do not relax it! Stop brushing it. Get a tangle teezer, and only use it on wet hair. Try Shea moisture products, and Cantu products are good too. Her hair looks very dry, so use lots of conditioner and oil when its wet. In the morning dampen down with water in a spray bottle and apply a bit more conditioner. Sleeping in a silk scarf helps too. My dd is mixed race, and has 3c curls.

RoryGilmore Tue 28-Jun-16 16:02:59

What works with mine is spraying it with water in the morning and putting frizz ease mouse on and carefully comb with a wide toothed comb. If I want to wear it down I use a light hairspray, that stops the frizz.

Having it a bit shorter makes all the difference too.

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