Looking for some advice for DD who is a size 22(30 Posts)
I was wondering if some wise MNetters could give me some advice re my DD. She is currently job hunting and is getting to stage 2 interviews but never actually getting the job.
She is unemployed and the job centre have been fantastic and she has been on courses for interview techniques, confidence building etc.
They seem to be as frustrated as my DD that she can't find work .
The problem lies I am sure with the fact that she is very overweight. She doesn't live with me and since leaving home she has gone from being overweight to being obese. I am trying to work with her to address this however in the meantime how can I help her to dress for her shape. .
Are there any clothing web sites I can look at with her which could help her dress for an interview ?
At the moment she tends to wear plain black trousers and a loose top but to be honest she never looks smart IMO.
Can anyone offer some advice
Look at the Simply Be website. They do up to a size 32 and have smart work wear. There may even be a Simpy Be store near you, as there are 14 across the country, although only one in Scotland.
Wow! Aren't you just a charm. I'm sure having her mum constantly trying to 'fix' her is doing her confidence wonders. In seriousness, if I was her I'd be working on my employability and skills - work experience, short courses, YouTube (free) courses on software packages, interview practice. As a recruiter, I'm more interested in what someone has to offer, not what they look like. Your post says more than perhsps you realise about your own preoccupations and biases....
A flattering dress, opaques and a jacket can look just as smart as a suit in my opinion. Does she need a haircut, general grooming etc?
As far as I know, discrimination legislation doesn't apply to sizist comments, but I agree with you that fat people are discriminated against, and that may well be affecting her job search. One of my sons recently lost a lot of weight, and tells me how much people's attitudes have changed towards him.
As far as clothes are concerned, lots of shops go up to a 22, including Next and M&S, Asda, etc - all of these will stock work wear - in fact I just bought A really nice jacket from Asda for under 20 pounds. She needs a top which is no longer than the jacket ( often a problem with loose tops). Or alternatively, a dress - there are lots of Shirtdresses around at the moment, whicvh could look quite smart.
How quick you are to judge me. The Job Centre has forwarded my DD s details to Dressed For Success as they suspect that her appearance is letting her down. My DD is adopted and has lots of issues which she is trying to address. She is a completely different body shape to me and I was simply looking for advice from different sources.
She has been on numerous courses and the Job Centre are really pulling out all the stops for her because they can see her potential.
As a recruiter I hope you display a more sympathetic attitude when dealing with applicants be use you have actually made me cry with your comments
Yes We are looking at personal grooming too. As I said in my previous post my DD is adopted and is very unlike me in that she isn't interested in her appearance and I have never pushed her to be any other way.
I feel however that as wrong as it may be her appearance is starting to hold her back.
I have tread very wearily with her on this issue but yesterday she was reaching out to me for support
Great response to Jed, Sober!
Your daughter is lucky to have you as her mother & friend.
Good luck with the practical stuff you are doing together, I am sure her abilities will shine through & she will find a rewarding career.
for both of you!
She needs a jacket. I'm a 20 with a large bust and have huge issues with finding one that is smart and comfortable. I refuse to shop in simpleBe/ Evans though so am probably self sabotaging.
Boden go up to a 22 and can be really affordable in the sale.
I have a monsoon ballet style dress (Jersey, cowl neckline, below knee skirt) that looks uber smart with a jacket and nondescript without. I don't work in a suit industry though.
Try New Looks "Inspire" range from 18-22. I've bought nice work wear from there. The work jackets are roomy and actually cater for women with an actual bust. They are not half as expensive as simply be or Evans and actually last way longer. Most Evans stuff I bought has a short shelf life due to poor workmanship.
Try to buy tops that just cover the tummy and cover with a nice fitted jacket to emphasise curves. Nice fitting trousers with a wedge style shoe (easier to walk in than thin heels) make your legs look longer.
Having been a size 22 I would def say try and find some nice flattering dresses & a jacket - looks so much smarter, I may of been a size 22 but still had a waist so actually dressed suited me better, than trousers which will never look great with a tummy & bum as weight usually goes there. Nice natural tights - and heels.
Maybe take her to get her make up done at a counter like boots too !
Also maybe try slimming world see if GP will give a prescription as it's brilliant I've gone from a size 22 to 14 in less than a year and as I've lost weight my confidence at work has gone up loads
Look, I'm sorry if I made you cry but I had a 'helpful' mother who was full of good ideas about how I could/should improve my appearance. It was not at all helpful, quite the reverse. You could probably argue that I am 'projecting', as is often the case on here, but when you are at low ebb having your parent chip away at you (or so it feels) is the last thing you need. Have you actually asked your daughter whether she's finding your input on this front helpful or hurtful? Perhaps that would be a good starting point.
And as a recruiter I can assure you, I look for the individual's potential and capability - I don't make judgments made on appearance. I've even been on an appointment panel where the candidate was probably on the autistic spectrum and found eye contact so difficult, he spent the whole interview staring at the desk - a textbook 'awful interview' by usual standards - but we appointed because his suitability to undertake the role we were recruiting for was abundantly clear from his responses and he had excellent references. That's why I'm suggesting your daughter continues to work on her employability skills and gets positive referees through work experience - ultimately, an employer is looking to get the job done and a lot of things can be addressed or overcome once the candidate is in post. Local dress code is one of them.
Boden dresses in larger sizes sometimes get sold off via TK Maxx - they are usually good quality and flatter a larger figure.
Thanks for all the kind responses.
I will have a look at all your suggestions particularly regarding dressing when you gave a large bust which is a challenge for her.
I am googling local trendy hairdressers who might give her a new look as she said to me yesterday that she is open changing her hair.
I also gently suggested Slimming World as her GP is concerned that her asthma is getting worse and I will try to have that conversation again.
She is such a lovely gentle soul and I am so happy that she wants me to help her.
I would start with the haircut and go from there. A good hair makeover can do wonders for confidence.
Helping with a haircut is a great way to support her - that's a change she wants to make. Let her lead - the person has to want to make the changes for them to be successful.
i have bigger friends who always look lovely, they are groomed and dress well for their shapes. One is a hairdresser, one a beauty therapist and you can see they know what they are doing, I think it's a confidence thing.
After I had my son I was a size 16 (still smaller than them) and I looked like a bag of shit, I didn't know how to dress bigger and I've never worn much make up or known how to do nice hair. Maybe you tube tutorials for make up and a great hair cut? nice nails all the little things.
You sound like a fab mum btw.
jed thank you for coming back. I am afraid that you hit a nerve as I have found adoption so much more difficult than I thought it would be and I know that I have got it wrong in the past because I simply didn't understand DD. She really is so very different from me.
I have been looking at all of your suggestions and am now feeling a lot more positive.
Someone I know who takes larger sizes would give two tips: she would advise revamping underwear too, since a really good bra can help. She also found a particular heel height helped her posture and walk.
She's a fan of Marisota, btw.
Asos Curve is great for younger people too.
If a mum can't try to help their child with their weight I don't know who can! No need to assume she's doing it in a way that has anyone except the dd's interest at heart.
My DH's family are all quite large and they dress beautifully. Far better than I do. His sisters wear a lot of black and never trousers which tend not to be flattering if you carry weight. Nice jackets, long cardigans and always well done makeup. They always look smart and confident.
Speaking as a size 22. I would agree with others who say glossy hair, cut in a flattering style and make up. At 22 she shouldn't need a lot of make up but she should play up her best features. Eyes or lips not both at same time iykwim. A confident smile is also important. Nice shoes with a heel she is comfortable walking in and subtle jewellery. You mention " loose fitting tops" in my opinion these are never flattering. I much prefer a vest top or neat fitting t shirt with longish fine cardigan.
Sorry you didn't mention DD age. I know she is a size 22 not age 22 but she is obviously young so my advice on make up stands
DD is 25 with the biggest brown eyes and eyelashes so thick 😀
She doesn't wear make up but I am not sure what Dress For Success are going to suggest tomorrow. I have just spoken to her and she said that it is a complete overhaul from top to toe.
I really applaud her for doing this as I am not sure I could bear this level of scrutiny.
However she is above all very practical and pragmatic so I am sure she will be fine😀
I'm a 22-24, have hovered around this size for most of my adult life (aside from a couple of years in my 20s where I dropped to a size 12 but couldn't make it last!)
I've done the whole flowing tops/skirts baggy trousers etc... I now have a small selection of fairly fitted dresses and tunics from Boden and Studio 8 which I wear with opaques (black or coloured) and a good, well fitted bra.
For bra's and fitting I recommend Leia if there's one near you. M&S for good, supportive tights that don't cut you in half and I agree with previous posters...a fabulous haircut works wonders for confidence and outward appearance.
Make up - I rarely bother, but for an interview or important meeting I'd go for a light, natural covering (tinted moisturiser or similar) a sweep of mascara and perhaps a little dab of well placed illuminator.
I'm nearly 40. It's taken me bloody years to figure this stuff out and feel like I can look presentable regardless of my size. I still have the odd 'wobble of confidence' but on the whole, i'm okay!
I feel I should say I am not a petite size 8 but because I have tried to shop on the High Street with DD and left empty handed and despondent that's why I came on here .
I am lucky because I am catered for but shopping with DD really opened my eyes to the lack of fashionable and affordable plus size clothing.
Yes she should lose weight even from a health point of view but what does she wear in the meantime ?
She has had to deal with a lot of trauma from a v young age and I don't want to add to her list .
Thankfully I now feel that I can point her in some direction.
Thank you all xx
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