Having the confidence to dress better?!(12 Posts)
Ok I'm 43, I'm 5'6'' and weigh about 10 stone 10lbs. I carry most of the weight around my stomach & face, I don't carry it well & im not in proportion at all, my arms are slim as my legs, I have a thigh gap, which looks odd on me!
Anyway, I'm mostly in denim jeggings & a cardigan, thin loose jumper or a t-shirt & hoody. My hair is dyed a darker brown rather than my natural lighter reddish brown, it's thick & about shoulder length, quite split at the ends cos of all the dying.
I wear basic make up most days, on days when I'm not doing anything I don't bother, same with my hair, it's usually just tied up.
I was stood outside a shop the other day waiting for my hubby & a young lady (about 30) with a toddler got out her car, she looked really well put together, nice brightly coloured ballerinas, skinnies, leather jacket, her hair in a messy bun (I've tried that but it always looks crap on me) a nice cotton scarf, make up nicely done.
Then an older couple got out their car, prob about 60ish. I looked more like that lady than the other one! Our costs were nearly identical! I was dressed more like the 60 year old than the 30 year old!
Thing is - I have the ballerinas, the leather jacket, the cotton scarf, I have the make up & lipsticks, but if I put it all on - I feel like a tool - I feel as though I look ridiculous, because I never really go anywhere! I ask myself why bother? I have some nice blouses that are never worn because I feel ridiculous wearing them!
Does anyone else feel like this?
I think you need to start doing things differently to then feel confident, waiting for the confidence to come first is unlikely to work.
Wear the clothes, embrace feeling self conscious and see how you feel after a few weeks.
I agree I started wearing my beautiful clothes, to the supermarket, any where because frankly if I look shit I feel shit and I never want to feel shit, even buying milk
Have you got particular clothes or outfits or makeup that you feel good in? No point trying to emulate a style that you don't feel right in, that way awkwardness and discomfort lie.
I think the secret is to wear clothes that feel good as well as look good. I've found it takes a lot of trying things on to get it just right. I like lots of softer, natural fabrics myself. It can take quite a lot of experimenting too. I get far more excited about perfume rather than makeup.
The problem isn't the clothes; it sounds as if you don't feel you really deserve to look nice. Why would you look ridiculous wearing a nice blouse? And if you never go anywhere in it and no one sees you anyway, who's going to think you look ridiculous anyway? I know when I'm feeling crap I think, what's the point in dressing nice, my crap face/fat thighs/stupid hair will just spoil it anyway? Put it all on! The more you do it, the more natural it'll feel.
Yes, I feel like this too You're not the only one! Will be watching this thread with interest.
A good haircut. Go and get a funky cut and it will give you such a lift, the identity you need for the clothes you want to wear if you see what I mean?
You might also need to decide what is practical for you with time and budget. I really like the Vivienne files blog for lots of ideas about colour combinations.
I've thought about this a lot as I work somewhere where the dress standard is high, but as I am on a lower income than many I had to think quite hard about how I wanted to appear.
I have the same figure as you & Im similar in age but blonde. I dress up to put the bins out!
Honestly though, it sounds like you lack confidence so Id suggest exercise (bear with me). Ut'll make you feel better, guve your skin eyes and gair a boost and youll tone up. Get into a routine of doing basic make up and hairstyling every day and wear your nice clithes. Paint your nails too. Have a look ar the 'Princessing' threads on here. The brutal truth is tgat after the first flush of youth, you have to make an effort or you just fade away looks-wise (unless youre a knockout beauty). The girl you saw stood out because she'd made an effort.
With our type of figure, its best to show off the legs and bum and skim the top half, so skinny jeans, flat shoes and a tunic/shirt. Or skinny jeans, shirs, top and blazer for going out. Shirt dresses are good on us as are shift dresses. Type 'inverted triangle' into Pinterest for outfit ideas.
Thank you everyone for your replies.
What you've all said makes sense, I just have to try & put it into practice, which I guess will be easier said than done!
I could do with shedding a few pounds and that is most definitely easier said than done - I tried to cut down at the beginning of the month & did really well, for a few days, then the little gingerbread men in the cupboard were just sitting there in their tub, begging to be eaten...
Admittedly I don't exercise, but I'm not idle. I use to go to Zumba classes a few years ago, I just don't seem to have the same energy for it these days. Or friends for that matter!
I've always chosen comfort over fashion, esp as I've got older, but I really do t want to look like a 60 year old, but then again I know I'm not 20 either!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.