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A dress or similar for my Mother's funeral. Am stuck.

(63 Posts)
SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 15:38:27

This is in parallel to my thread about a dress for my DD (age 11).
Anyway. Am in the midst of grief and organising, and have nothing at all to wear. My weight goes up and down (thyroid probs) and at the moment I'm at the fat end, not helped by eating my bodyweight in biscuits while my mother was ill.
I'm size 12ish I think, in most things. I might need a 14 if the sizing was on the small side. I'm tall, and I have a small frame as I was a size 6-8 before the thyroid packed up. So a narrow back, but a big cup size. (28GG) I HATE my knees (chub) and anyway as I'm tallish things can be shorter on me, so I need a midi length. Would consider a maxi. I look better in grey than black but accept that it will probably need to be black, navy ok too. Or even a very dark green that I could wear under a black or grey coat. I have an old fashioned face, and look better in vintage, I don't do modern drapey type things, they don't suit me. I have been hunting for a 30s or 40s suit but no luck, so need to buy something new, and it will have to be online as I'm in the middle of nowhere.

If you've got through all that then i salute you! And I'm sorry to throw out the search but my brain is cotton wool, I'm exhausted from caring for my Mum as she was dying, and I want to look lovely for her. sad.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Fri 22-Apr-16 15:46:17

Oh, poor you. I am very sorry you have lost your mother. Your post really resonated because I was in that exact position (right down to the extra weight) for my father's funeral at the end of 2014. My solution was a black Jaeger dress I could re-use for work.

What is your budget, and what would you prefer, suit, dress, skirt and blouse?

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 16:12:31

Budget, ooh I don't know, £200 ish? Could spend a bit more maybe, but need shoes too so need to keep that in mind. I've just looked at Jaeger, as another poster on the thread about dd suggested a navy lace dress, there is one but I think it will be too short, its knee length rather than more of a midi. And thank you for the kind words. I was also in this position when my Dad died, I've been slimmer inbetween....! I'm bigger now than I was then though, so that dress (black 40s style with a tiny floral print) is too tight.

juneau Fri 22-Apr-16 16:16:25

Really sorry about your mum OP.

Hobbs is always my go-to for formal wear. They have lots of nice, smart dresses and matching accessories that should be within your budget and would be good for work/other smart occasions. Their styles don't date really either. I have two dresses from Hobbs that I've had for 15 years and I still wear them.

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 16:16:42

Oh sorry I forgot- dress , skirt and blouse or a suit would be fine .

Helenluvsrob Fri 22-Apr-16 16:23:32

Much hugs op.
My dads funeral next week. I'm wearing a deep purple tunic dress and leggings from white stuff. I'll feel comfy and look half decent ( fat !).
I know it's difficult but what you wear really isn't that important, don't let it stress you. Give your mum a proper good " send off" and remember her with a smile in your heart even though you have a tear in your eye.

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 16:31:00

Helen I am very sorry about your Dad. I hope you are coping with all the arrangements - it is hard organising a funeral when one can't even think straight. I'm not the sort of person who can be relaxed about clothes. Maybe because I have worked in fashion- what I wear is always stupidly important to me, so I will get really stressed if I feel I'm not "right", and the funeral, although small, is in a church and formal. (I will wear a hat for instance). If I find something lovely it will bolster me through the day.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Fri 22-Apr-16 16:54:33

At that budget there will be something, so try not to worry.I know exactly what you mean about needing to feel 'right' and that is doubly hard when extra weight is involved.

I found this in the Matches sale-over budget and possibly not long enough, but just to gauge what you like. Would you be prepared to oder online or would you rather be able to go and try something on?

gonegrey56 Fri 22-Apr-16 17:05:10

The Hobbs Serena dress that I mentioned on the other thread is midi length on me (I am 5ft 4), so on the long side. It is a waisted dress but accommodates my large chest (36d). It is a really special dress I think, so elegant. Sorry I can't do a link . True to size I found . There is also a lovely floral dress, black background and small flowers in the print. With a black hat and bag and shoes, very chic but restrained . A sort of Dolce and Gabbano widow look .

Jaeger and Jaeger outlet have work dresses in dark colours , worth looking . And Matches website may also have choices, next day delivery .

A4Document Fri 22-Apr-16 17:34:45

Very sorry to hear about your mother OP.

Hobbs Juliane dress

John Lewis Josie pintuck detail dress

Tommy Hilfiger Imogen dress

John Lewis Taylor cap sleeve ponte dress
(available in black or grey)

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 17:40:51

MY FavouriteClintonisGeorge- I think that dress wouldn't suit me, the 80s look is all wrong for me. I need something that is fitted at the top, skirt could then be full, A line or slimish, any of those would be ok. I also don't like high necks. I would post a pic of me but I want to remain anonymous. But I look very 1930s, or 40s, my face and hair.
gonegrey, I think the Serena dress is very nice, I was worried it would show the dreaded KNEES, as the slip looks shorter than the lace? I'm five foot eight. I might order it along with a couple of others and then see what works best. How is the sizing do you think? I am v far from a city so have to order anything online. I'm going to look for the floral one now.
In an ideal world I would look like Myrna Loy in the opening scene..

HRHsherlockssextoy Fri 22-Apr-16 17:45:32


It comes in a 14 long

Could put a jacket or cardi over it

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 17:47:43

I could throw more cash at this, my worry is that it will be tainted with sadness and I'll never want to wear it again. I did feel like that about the dress I wore when my Dad died, although thankfully i did wear the shoes (they were hideously expensive).

HelenaJustina Fri 22-Apr-16 17:49:15

That Boden one is lovely.

So sorry for your loss flowers

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 17:55:12

A4 all those are nice dresses but too contemporary and too short to work on me. I also think the Boden dress above is going to be too short. I need a 12 or a 10 in Boden. I want something to come to just below my calves, or longer, so midi rather than just below-the-knee. It is so long since I was last in London that I don't even know what shops are nice now. I mainly buy vintage which makes this particularly tricky. The last dress I bought new was a 40s style one from Cath Kidston but they haven't got anything at the moment.
I think you are all saintly as I am clearly a nightmare "client". I am so grateful to all of you. chocolate wine brew for you all.

ParadiseCity Fri 22-Apr-16 17:56:54

I'm so sorry for your loss. My suggestion is to get your nails shellacked and get your hair done. It really helped me when I went to a funeral wanting to look nice for my grand mother coz I knew she would approve.

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 18:00:00

MyFavouriteClinton - I made the fatal mistake of peeking at They have a black Stella McCartney skirt embroidered with flowers than my mother loved. It is an eye watering £1,365. though so impossible. So lovely.

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 18:16:00

I never wear nail polish on my fingernails, only sometimes on my toes. I keep my nails short , so I've never had them done in my life- but blimey do i need my hair sorted out. It has fallen out like mad due to the thyroid issue, and looks ghastly, but I am not sure if I can get it done before the funeral. I have the same issue with hair that I have with clothes. I don't suit modern looking hair, and my hair is curly, so finding a hairdresser who knows what will suit me is a nightmare. I often end up chopping bit off myself and so it looks grotty. I used to go to a woman in Soho who had been there for several decades, but she retired. Sob.

FaFoutis Fri 22-Apr-16 18:17:42

I'm 5ft 9 and the boden dress comes half way down my calf in a long.

juneau Fri 22-Apr-16 18:17:42

This has quite a vintage feel OP and looks below the knee:,default,pd.html

Joinourclub Fri 22-Apr-16 18:24:36,default,pd.html

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Fri 22-Apr-16 18:25:45

From Pure Collection you could have a heavy ponte skirt, ponte bikers jacket (smarter than that sounds) and a georgette silk blouse, all in dark navy.

I agree about Hobbs-there is a lot of promising stuff on the main site and on the outlet pages. I would try the Cate Gilet dress with a black sheer blouse underneath.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Fri 22-Apr-16 18:29:18

Sorry- I hadn't read your further posts when I suggested the above. Forget both. I will try again chanting 'Myrna Loy, Myrna Loy'. I love that era too, but its clothes don't suit me.Though I did once have a Norma Shearer hairstyle that was fabulous.

gonegrey56 Fri 22-Apr-16 18:48:17

The Serena dress will cover your knees, the lace bit of the dress is very solid so the slip dress underneath is more for modesty. It is full skirted and very swishy. It is not often that I buy a dress that I LOVE but the sale assistant told me to try it on and she was right. I bought a size 10, a bit snug on me , I am normally a 10/12 but I gather Hobbs dresses are good for size .
Toast have a lovely black patterned IKat skirt , not the Stella McCartney sophistication but on the same lines. If you rang Toast, they might be able to source it for you - seems to be out of stock atm online. Sizing with Toast is huge- you would need no bigger than a 10 I think .

Badders123 Fri 22-Apr-16 18:58:11

I've just bought a lovely knee length heavy crepe black dress from next
It was only £35 but it's lovely and looks very classy
I'm sorry for your loss X

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