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Dressing an 11 year old for a funeral.

(34 Posts)
SirVixofVixHall Thu 21-Apr-16 13:46:21

It is my mother's funeral, if that makes a difference. I have taken my dds to funerals before, and they haven't ever worn black (most black for children is either party wear or school uniform anyway), but they have worn pale grey, or navy, or cream/white with a dark grey cardigan etc. I have a dove grey silk dress for dd2, but my older daughter has grown out of everything and will need a new outfit. I live in the back of beyond so it has to be online. I have been browsing but I can't find anything appropriate. I want something beautiful, she is doing a reading so not just part of the congregation. Cost not really an issue, although I probably wouldn't spend a lot over £100, as she will need a cardigan and possibly shoes. I thought maybe someone might know of a website I'm not aware of. I'm off to browse Elias and Grace now.

mrsmortis Thu 21-Apr-16 14:17:23

How old is your DD2 and what size does she wear?

Love2dance Thu 21-Apr-16 15:08:37

Hello OP. I'm so sorry for your loss. When my mum died I dressed my sons in smart chinos and blazers in sombre colours, but not black.
What about this? I know it's ivory/white, but under a pretty black cardie and with a black skirt or this navy one it would look classic and pretty. I also rather like the cloud print on the top - a subtle reminder of the spiritual significance of the occasion.
You could also try John Lewis, they tend to have quite good occasion wear for children.

SirVixofVixHall Thu 21-Apr-16 22:04:49

Love2 I like both those pieces, but think maybe too playful/partyish? Thanks for the condolences and sorry to take an age to reply, I'm organising the funeral ,worn out and bleakly sad.
mrsmortis DD is 11, tallish, very slender, and she wears quite a bit of I Love Gorgeous, Tulip and Nettle, Brora or vintage for dresses, with the odd bit of Boden, monsoon etc. Petit Bateau or other French brands for tops and trousers - trousers and skirts are a problem because she is so slim, they tend to be huge around the waist. I can't buy skirts or trousers from Boden for instance. I am considering a cream or white dress from Tulip and Nettle as they have a few, but wondered if there were other things I may not have seen.

EduCated Thu 21-Apr-16 22:20:41

flowers for you, OP

Black Gap dress with a lighter cardigan?

Navy lace from Debenhams

Fairly plain navy Ted Baker dress

SirVixofVixHall Thu 21-Apr-16 22:58:30

Love2 I think I'm going to buy the things you suggested, although the skirt will probably need taking in, but maybe not for the funeral will see how they look in reality. Educated I like the Gap dress in white, but I'd like something more formal. the dress in the pic is like DD2s in shape but hers is grey silk. Maybe I should just buy this one, but the red ribbon can't be changed quickly enough, and it seems wrong for the funeral. Maybe this one would be ok, even though it is white? I'm not sure because it looks too delicate for black shoes etc. Too cold for simple sandals and coloured shoes would be too gaudy.
I have no idea at all what I am going to wear <just throwing that in idly>

SirVixofVixHall Thu 21-Apr-16 23:04:26

mrsmortis I'd mis-read your post, sorry. She wears her age size, but needs something slim fitting if it is fitted. She is tall so I can't size down.

Justwondering1 Thu 21-Apr-16 23:33:23

I'm so sorry for your loss. What about this ?

PlaymobilPirate Thu 21-Apr-16 23:49:48,mon_3.3,mon_3.3.3/9141792643,mon_3.3,mon_3.3.3/9151962052

Ditsy4 Thu 21-Apr-16 23:51:06

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Try Debenhams. Yumi have several navy dresses with small details on. With a cardi and little pumps and small shoulder bag they could look just right. I had this difficulty when my daughter was 12 and it was my aunts funeral. She was like a second mum to us as she had no children. My daughter wore navy. Also if you contact the store I'm sure they could get some to advise you on their stock and suitability. My daughter has worn Yumi clothing as a teen. They are quite neat so ideal if she is slim but you might need a larger size if she is at that pre teen chubby phase. They was well.
I can't do links but there was a navy lace one with little flowers at the neck and another with a flowery belt. You could put a plain one on instead.

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 12:05:38

Am not keen on lace as I think its maybe again too partyish. Also Dd2's dress is very plain, as the fabric is so lovely, although it has a fine cream lace edging on the sleeves. I want them to look nice standing together. I like the next dress, I never look in Next but that is pretty and simple enough for the jewels not to be too glitzy, only issue might be that it has a very different feel from DD2s dress, so maybe I need to put her in something different. I can't think straight which isn't helping at all.

gonegrey56 Fri 22-Apr-16 12:38:28

I am so sorry for your loss. so hard for you at the moment.
Just wondered if you might have time to look at Zara? Size XS in women's may suit, my dd wore that size when 11/12 and she is slight but tall. Lots of simple shift dresses usually . Their online service is quick and efficient .
For you, Jaeger always has plain but elegant dresses, nice dark navy lace one at the moment (a friend wore navy lace at her mother's funeral last year and it was perfect for the occasion).
How lovely that dd1 is doing a reading . What a wonderful tribute to her grandmother .

gonegrey56 Fri 22-Apr-16 12:42:00

Again for you, I know you have said you don't like lace but I bought the Hobbs Serena dress earlier in the year and it is a fabulous dress , not a "party" dress if you know what I mean but classic and elegant . Again , online service is good . Very dark navy, looks virtually black .

homebythesea Fri 22-Apr-16 12:47:04

Sorry you are having to make these decisions on top of everything else.

As for shoes for your DD nude ballet flats would go with anything- new look always has loads for next to nothing.

Might it be worth thinking what your Mum liked to see your DD in? That might help deal with the "too party like" issue

t1mum Fri 22-Apr-16 12:52:17

or this

t1mum Fri 22-Apr-16 12:59:04

Sorry I've just seen your further post and I think my suggestions above are too casual.

Have you seen this? It seems totally appropriate for a funeral and in the formal style that you are looking for.,default,pd.html

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 13:40:22

I like the Monsoon dress, I had seen it and been mulling it over, but again, am worried about the lace. Will take a photo of DD2's dress now as that might make it easier.
I think I will do a separate posting for me. But in case no-one sees it- I do like the navy lace dress in Jaeger, and will go and browse Hobbs. I am tall, a slender person who has got chubby due to thyroid issue, so Im wearing a 12 but at that size I am not slim like most 12s (I should be an 8) I only wear midi length or longer. And normally I only wear vintage but I have nothing that fits due to the extra chubb and the fact I don't normally wear black or navy. I suit green and brown- light brown/dark blonde hair, green eyes very white skin, and a big cup size. Aaarggh.

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 14:14:00

DD2 will probably be in this

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 14:19:23

It needs pressing, the other option is similar , here- also needs pressing, I've just pulled them out of the wardrobe.

ouryve Fri 22-Apr-16 14:26:27

Try not to worry too much about lace being too "party-ish".

Your mum's funeral is a celebration of her life, as well as a sad goodbye and lace has been worn at funerals for centuries.

The monsoon dress is lovely.

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 15:24:44

I don't really want the girls to look as though they are going to a party . I think of a memorial service as a celebration of someone's life but a burial as slightly different- much sadder for a start. It will be quite small and quiet as my father died fairly recently and many of my mother's friends have died or are too frail to travel (funeral is not where she lived). It is a formal church service and dd is doing a reading and/or singing , so it is important that she looks elegant . I don't mind lace on an adult but I think its a bit too much on a child for this sort of an occasion. Although I do think the Monsoon dress is really pretty, that is what is worrying me, and I want to feel as little stress as possible on the day as it will be so upsetting.

gonegrey56 Fri 22-Apr-16 16:30:26

The two dresses you have shown us online look perfect, especially if worn with plain sombre colour cardigans or cropped jackets (may be chilly in church).
You will be proud of your daughters

SirVixofVixHall Fri 22-Apr-16 16:37:37

gonegrey do you mean the white ones from Tulip and Nettle? (Just in case you mean the ones that I've pictured myself which are for my smaller daughter). Thank you for your thoughts, i think I might give T+N a ring and see if they have anything else not online yet.
I should say that I can't tell you how much i appreciate all of you taking the time to post on the thread and to look for dresses- I am so grateful. I feel particularly rubbish today, heartbroken and worn out trying to get all the things ready for the day, so it is really touching to get help from strangers.

gonegrey56 Fri 22-Apr-16 16:43:56

Sorry, no I meant the dresses you have shown up thread , and I had misunderstood - I realise that both are options for dd2.
Do ring for help, and maybe ring the John Lewis personal styling section too - they might well have something for dd1. And could deliver .
Such a tough time for you, try not to fret too much about the clothes although I know that you obviously want to feel everything worn is appropriate . But what will actually shine through on the day is the love and respect your daughters have for their much loved grandmother . A tough call at 11 to read and sing at a funeral , everyone will be so moved .

donadumaurier Fri 22-Apr-16 16:45:02

I wore a dress very similar to the second one you posted to my grandmother's funeral when I was 11, OP. Wore it with black tights and a black cardigan. My mum was adamant she wasn't putting me in all black. I think my brother and I would have been the only children there, but no one commented to my knowledge. I think what you've posted is fine.

Just wanted to say too I'm so sorry about your mum flowers

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