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Please help my teen dd - clothing crisis

26 replies

Dancergirl · 28/03/2016 21:52

Wasn't sure whether to post here or in Teenagers!

Anyway, dd is 14 (15 in May). She is VERY low on weekend clothes and has been for some time. She's been living in jeans, leggings and a couple of tops and a Hollister hoodie. In the last year I have taken her shopping several times and bought things online, all have been met with a no. Shopping has been very difficult as she becomes very uncommunicative, I suggest things for her, she shrugs, I suggest she looks round alone, she agrees but still can't find anything. We look in the usual shops - H&M, River Island, New Look etc.

This weekend we were all out together and had a look in H&M. Middle dd who is 13 helped her pick out some things which dd1 really liked so I left them to it to browse. There wasn't enough time to try everything on so I suggested to dd we bought everything and tried on at home at her leisure and I would return anything unwanted. We bought about £100 worth of clothes - tops, a few dresses, jeans and jumpers.

Dd tried everything at home, said no to everything and spent the evening sobbing I admit some things didn't really suit her but some did but she just didn't like herself wearing them.

She is about 5'2" size 8-10 with a very nice well proportioned hourglass figure. I know teenage girls are very self conscious about their bodies and I know she would like a smaller bust (bra shopping is a big no no at the moment), but I just want to help her feel good about herself. But in spite of that, she still prefers fitted clothes rather than baggy.

Other than this she is a happy girl with nice friends and doing well at school.

I really felt sorry for her, dragging two bags of clothes home and then not liking anything. I told her next time we would go when we have more time and make sure she tries everything on first.

Where can I go with her, are there any other shops we could try? I think she would like to look a bit more girly, she mentioned skirts and dresses...but no floral prints!

Any advice please?

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botemp · 28/03/2016 22:51

Try Comptoir des Cotonniers, they're one of the few brands that I can think of now that bridge that gap of mid teens into adulthood with a decent fit (I assume Uniqlo, Zara, Mango, Bershka, etc. resulted in nothing). It used to be marketed as a mother and (teenage) daughter brand and uniquely they are clothes both generations want to wear (and ones I wore happily as a teenager). It's feminine without being too out there or overtly girly made out of quality materials, but it is pricey so more a place to find one or two nice things like a dress or blouse than to stock up an entire wardrobe.

Saying that, it's such a difficult age and while she may have an enviable figure in your eyes in her worldview anyone without a boyish figure who can still fit their waist between their hands is considered 'fat'. It's really difficult to tackle that skewed image by finding the 'right' clothes when she just isn't feeling comfortable in her own skin. It's hard to come to grasp for someone that everyone else is not as obsessed with how she looks as she is or sees the same 'flaws'. Simply telling her it isn't true doesn't make it true for her. How you as her mother view your own body has a huge impact. If it's something you struggle(d) with too, psychologically that's the pattern she'll follow. Consider speaking to her about it when not in a shop/fitting situation since that only adds to the already (for her) humiliating experience. Most likely she won't want to talk about herself at all, it's frustrating enough as it is, but it shouldn't stop you from speaking about yourself and your insecurities now or when you were that age.