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my kids say they are embarrassed by my lack of style! help please!

(23 Posts)
hildegardbingen Thu 14-Jan-16 11:52:31

I'm quite new to mumsnet, never posted on this section before but have been reading with interest!

My sense of style was a bit eccentric pre kids (especially before my 2nd), but since kids and not driving so walking loads practicality has taken over. I'd like to look nice, but don't have good body confidence, and .... NOTHING seems to fit or suit me, I'm on a budget as well so I just give up! Same with grooming - I think I should get a tan, do eyebrows and nails and stuff but never seem to get round to it.

Kids have taken to calling me 'embarrassing' when doing school run or out with them. I usually am scruffy in jeans or jogging bottoms and t shirt and boots and jacket, no make up.

I'm a size 6/8 on top and 8/10 on bottom so pear shaped around the bum/thighs , slight belly, small boobs. I'm fair and pale skinned, and only 5ft 1in so everything I get has to be petite or altered. Another style problem I have is I have an automimmune prob so I have really thin hair and need to wear extensions a lot or at really bad stages a hairpiece, I find only the expensive ones look decent and even then with spending 1000s it's still not totally natural in bright light, so I am usually found wearing a hat September to April and maybe a cap in summer or a headband or hairband. I find it hard to feel 'pretty' but at least would like to look well put-together and feminine.

Am I a lost cause for style? grin

ps - Don't really need workwear as I work part time and have a work uniform, I do a lot of walking outside, and I do sometimes go on nights out

specialsubject Thu 14-Jan-16 11:55:24

I'd forget the fashion and teach your kids some empathy and manners.

if you are clean, tidy (clothes not full of holes) that's it. And you'd look ridiculous with a fake tan with the colouring you mention.

how you dress is no-one else's business.

fieldfare Thu 14-Jan-16 12:01:53

Your kids are being a bit rude tbh, if my Dd was as cheeky as that to me then she'd suffer embarrassment like she's never dreamed of. Think Eddie from Ab Fab, complete with running after her at school for a kiss and "Sweetie! Mummy loves you!" At full belt. She's 13. smile

You sound like you've got a nice figure, what do you like to wear? I know things have to be practical but what have you got in your wardrobe that brings you joy when you wear it?

Obv the grooming bit is a bit tedious to begin with but quite enjoyable when you get into a routine. Re your hair, how do you wear it? My friend has alopecia so had her very thin hair cut into a pixie cut so she can wear her wigs more easily. Only for work or going out, she has a marvellous collection of hats for all occasions.

hildegardbingen Thu 14-Jan-16 12:23:10

Yeah, it's true they were being rude. I did exactly that - ab fab style! grin.

I'm not sure really what I like to wear to be honest confused, it's strange considering I used to be pretty into fashion and stuff. However I do like a bit of a vintage look like 40s/50s/60s/70s. If I could find a rain-proof coat and sensible footwear with a hint of vintage look it would be good. I also find that hip skimming dresses are easier for me because it's hard to find trousers I'm happy with on the bum (or I guess I can wear a bum covering cardi?). Right now I'm the queen of ill-fitting fleeces, bland bottoms and too long boots shock.

Thanks that's good advice about the hair. I must admit I tend to be sad or self-consious about it so I just don't even try. It is really not helping my look, I can see that. I don't mind the hairpieces in the evenings but in bright light I need to wear a hat or some kind of cover. If you don't mind could you describe what kinds of hats your friend wears with what outfits? I think I only suit beanie type hats but I'm sure that's not strictly true. Good idea about the haircut, I have quite a strong face so don't suit short hair, but I certainly need a cut, probably to shoulders at least. My own hair is thin at top and all over and I just get a basic cut all same length once a year or so blush - I know that can't be helping!

hildegardbingen Thu 14-Jan-16 12:26:59

sorry, forgot to mention that my 'natural' hair is blonde and with a slight wave and right now is far too long which looks silly with it being thin.

MyLifeisaboxofwormgears Thu 14-Jan-16 12:27:09

I'd ask them if they would prefer a stylish yet abusive mother?
Style is not everything - I know wonderfully turned out mothers who practically ignore their children.

They need to understand they are being rude and shallow in commenting on your style in this way.
Perhaps they could offer to take on the cooking and cleaning so you have time to be stylish?

MyLifeisaboxofwormgears Thu 14-Jan-16 12:28:18

My DD asked me a while back why I didn't wear make-up and I told her I'd never been that interested in my appearance and once, as a teenager I bought one mascara and some nail varnish, looked at the time, cost and effort involved and packed it in.

prettywhiteguitar Thu 14-Jan-16 12:37:38

My friend has very thin hair and has just had a cut into a shoulder length bob. It looks great ! Previously it was just past her shoulders and it has made all the difference.

I would recommend tinting your eyebrows, I just did mine and it made my face look more done even though I wasn't really wearing much make up.

You sound like you could just do with a slim fitting pair of jeans and maybe a check shirt ? With a wool jumper over the top ? You can still be practical but cool smile

Tell your kids to zip it ! Doesn't matter how cool you are your own children think you're a saddo !

hildegardbingen Thu 14-Jan-16 12:54:16

I used to get my eyebrows waxed and tinted every month or so and I agree it did make my face look better and more done. Although on one occasion I think it was a bit too dark as passers by started commenting on 'Madonna' grin , but I'm going to go again and get light brown (my natural brow colour).

Ooh that sounds quite nice smile, do you mean like a shirt which is a bit bum-covering and worn with a short wooly jumper , like this ??

superbfairywren Thu 14-Jan-16 14:31:36

I think a haircut is definitely a good idea. If you have a hairdresser you like they can probably help with a style that will suit you and make your hair look thicker. Hats are great, take a friend to the shops and try on a load. I love berets, fedoras and floppy hats! I'm sure there will be some you like.

Next petite jeans are meant to be really good, new look tend to have shorter lengths or a petite section in their larger stores too. I think casual checked or smarter white/blue shirts work well with jeans and can look a bit more polished than just jeans and a t shirt. A well fitting black or white blouse/shirt can look lovely in the evening too with the addition of some jewellery.
Same with knitwear, sounds like you have a nice figure, there are lots of loose fit jumpers around at the moment. Might look a bit more put together than just throwing on a Cardigan.
Maybe even take your kids out and ask them what they think you should wear, sometimes kids can have a better eye than you'd think, you might like some of their ideas!

I find myself throwing on jeans and old t shirts and then realise I have loads of stuff I'm saving for best/to go out in. So now I just wear it whenever I fancy. I'm the weirdo in sainsburys buying milk and nappies in an evening dress!!

NewBallsPlease00 Thu 14-Jan-16 15:01:36

With the sound of your figure and preferred style is go a bit 60's; pixie cut, a line tunics over straight leg skinny jeans, slightly a line jacket
Hats- look at cloche style
Grooming- hair in a pixie is no effort other than frequent trim
Face- I'd go for decent moisturiser a splodge of lipbalm, simple black mascara/sweep of eyeliner and a pinch of cheek colour- you'll look like you, slightly highlighted, and it will take 2 seconds!

katienana Thu 14-Jan-16 15:09:18

I think you should get a bright mac for the school run maybe some bright wellies too? Chelsea boots are practical, trendy and quite vintage. Couple of pairs of jeans and a printed blouse and you'll look smart but be comfy. You can layer up with vest under and jumper over.
Don't worry about what your kids think but you sound like you need to devote a bit of energy into feeling good for your own sake.

JackandDiane Thu 14-Jan-16 15:17:54

I think youre unfair on the kids. We all tell kids what to wear etc why can't it reverse. They want to be proud of their mum, not point out someone who by her own confession can't be bothered. She doesn't need to look TOWIE. Just proud of her appearance.

BabyGanoush Thu 14-Jan-16 16:13:08

if my kids said they were embarrassed by my lack of style, I would say that I was embarrassed by their lack of manners!

But seriously, wear what works for your life.

ChishandFips33 Thu 14-Jan-16 21:17:13

Whose style do you admire?
I'm exploring my 'style' as I have none! and buy from charity shops as it tempts me in to buying things I wouldn't normally fork out for - different shapes, styles and colours. I have then gone on to buy shop bought items. You have to have patience though until canny things come along!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 15-Jan-16 06:54:23

Ignoring the mean kids...

My eyebrows are fair and need tinting monthly. I bought some eyebrow tint for about a tenner and you only use a tiny bit each time and it takes less than 5 minutes to do. It does make a big difference to your face!

fieldfare Fri 15-Jan-16 07:58:54

I just typed a long response and its disappeared, fgs.
My friend has so many hats, and only a couple of them are beanies. She persuaded me to buy something very similar to this recently and I love it.
The link you posted is a lovely look, very easy, comfy and practical. Chelsea boots are great, I live in mine right now.
Yy to having your eyebrows tinted, with a little tinted moisturiser, lip balm, mascara and a quick sweep of eyeliner you'll look more polished. Won't take long either.
I'd be brave and have your hair cut shorter than you think. If you've a strong face I bet you'll carry it off. Shorter means lighter in weight so you'll be able to add a bit of texture with product. Have a chat with your hairdresser, they'll have some good advice for you.

prettywhiteguitar Fri 15-Jan-16 12:18:11

I think it depends on your age as to which style you go for I tend to go for less sexy ( ?) looks ! But that's cause I'm a massive tomboy. These are the kind of thing but without the heels, maybe a boot or brogue instead. (Today I'm wearing sheepskin boots for the cold !! Total style and beaut no no but I don't care today !!!)

prettywhiteguitar Fri 15-Jan-16 12:21:44

Colours are great in this one, she looks cool

fieldfare Fri 15-Jan-16 19:49:23

The first pic is lovely, I was wearing something similar to that today but with a cream Arran with brown and bronze flecks. The bottom one, unless young, hip and cool would make you look like a bag lady.

Cocolepew Fri 15-Jan-16 20:01:07

I need to dress practcal for work. I love Next cigarette jeans. I wear them with navy and tan leather Converse hi tops and a navy or grey woll jumper. If its cold I stick something under it (and I always wear a, vest).
I like to have a scarf on too.
I have thinning hair due to auto immune shenanigans and keep my hair in a pixie.

At your size I doubt you need to cover your bum!

Samantha28 Fri 15-Jan-16 21:42:42

You say you normally wear jeans, top, boots, jacket and hat . If that's how you feel most comfortable, there's no need to totally change your style . There's lots of fashion bloggers who wear variations on this theme all the time .

Just get non scruffy , reasonably fashionable, basics in all of the above . Wear a scarf in a colour that suits you with your stylish hats. As others have a said, just a touch of make up and your hair and eyebrows done .

I like uniqlo for jeans , trousers and basic knitwear . Good price and quality. They have lots of small sizes and will hem the trousers free in store .

SuperFlyHigh Sat 16-Jan-16 10:28:17

I think the bag in the second picture is great - you could do a neon zatchels one, also someone on another thread mentioned neon necklaces from Accesorize to jazz up outfits...

I saw a woman yesterday wearing amazing silver t-bar flat shoes, try the same or metallic trainers.... Zara should have some in their sale, i got some last year and very comfy.

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