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Black Tie help for lesbian couple please

(24 Posts)
PinkPjamas Wed 02-Dec-15 00:49:36

We're going to a large concert event where the code is black tie.

I have this dress-will it do? If not, what would you wear if you usually would go out wearing a dress or smart tight trousers/shirt etc? I do own a couple of more 'ballgown' type dresses but, I don't want to look out of place.

My partner is less stereotypically feminine than I am, always in jeans/trousers and shirts but she does wear smarter suit style trousers to go out-but she's panicking more than me,as she has no idea what to wear for this 'do, she wouldn't feel comfortable veering too far from her usual style.

I want us to go and have fun and I am panicking thinking we'll get there and they'll say ;

'You look crap, get out'.

We don't often get to go out and this is putting a big dampener on things!

Please if anybody has any idea... I might also post in the LGBT forums? Hope I've included enough info.

GrinAndTonic Wed 02-Dec-15 00:55:25

I don't think being in a same sex couple means you will be barred from the door for wearing trousers.

Black tie usually means at least calf length dress traditionally.

I have seen a woman in a tux once. Only difference to the mens was that it was more tailored to her shape. She looked fabulous.'s_Tuxedos.htm

GrinAndTonic Wed 02-Dec-15 00:57:05

Posted too soon.

The dress is nice but more cocktail dress code than black tie. For inspiration just google 'black tie dress' and see what pops up.

PinkPjamas Wed 02-Dec-15 00:59:35

Thank you grin smile googling now!

I do have some 'dressier' dresses. I'll rummage. If she was to wear a black suit with a jacket or wasitcoat and tie would that be okay do you think?

Tartyflette Wed 02-Dec-15 01:01:41

Black tie usually means dinner suits and bow-ties for the men and cocktail frocks, long or short, for women, or very dressy evening trousers and tops - IEG Silky fabric, velvet, sequins, glittery bits etc) would your DP be happy in something like that? Or a plain black suit and tie -- or is that a bit too Sister George? Your dress looks fine, BTW.

Tartyflette Wed 02-Dec-15 01:06:20

If your DP is happy in a suit or dinner suit and waiscoat that sounds nice.

BettyBi0 Wed 02-Dec-15 01:08:45

I'd go for a longer dress. My wife is pretty masculine of centre and she'd definitely choose to go suited and booted. (Not that we ever get to go bloomin go out anymore haha) She's part of a FB group called the Drakes and they have loads of great tips on their page for stockists of suits and shoes etc in women friendly sizes.

PinkPjamas Wed 02-Dec-15 01:12:49

Thank you, all really helpful! smile
I shall check that group out, betty and yes, we never bloomin do either! :D

I've been to a lot of dressy events but not manywhere black tie was so specific, and always been ones I've been familiar with beforehand IYSWIM ? Knowing people who've been before etc?

So this one being I am not, is a bit more daunting!

BrendaandEddie Wed 02-Dec-15 07:03:08

Don't dress as a couple. Just wear what you want

burnishedsilver Wed 02-Dec-15 07:14:54

Zara have a lovely women's tuxedo jacket.

AuntieStella Wed 02-Dec-15 07:49:15

The style of dress is very much dependent on nature of the event when it's black tie, as that can mean long or short but definitely 'goes out at night' IYSWIM.

The first dress is probably too short, unless you are only just leaving girlhood and/or the event and guests are not remotely traditional.

For your partner to wear the garments usually worn by men is, I think, absolutely fine. I think cummerbund looks better that a waistcoat, and that and/or tie, would be the place to add colour if she wanted to. Just beware of 1980s matchy colours.

AmberNectarine Wed 02-Dec-15 08:16:28

Oh I think a woman in a tux looks fantastic - if I didn't have 900 evening dresses I would do that for my next black tie event!

BrendaandEddie Wed 02-Dec-15 13:38:32

I simply don't see why a woman in a lesbian couple has to dress as a man at a black tie event?! This seems really retro to me

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley Wed 02-Dec-15 13:42:35

I agree it's a cocktail dress and black tie would usually require full length. I have a seen a (straight and very feminine) woman wear a black trouser suit white shirt open necked, and an untied black bow tie around her neck and she looked fabulous.

You can both wear a long dress, both wear a suit, or one of each. Totally up to you.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 02-Dec-15 14:03:53

Black tie for me would be exactly the dress you have shown in your OP (very nice).
I couldn't wear a long dress. and never have.
I'm too short TBH. They are all way too long.
I've never felt out of place at a black tie do in a shorter dress.
Loads of people wear shorter dresses.
Your OH will be fine and dandy in a suit.

Judydreamsofhorses Wed 02-Dec-15 14:24:23

I think a shorter dress is completely acceptable at a black tie do now, unless it's with actual royalty or similar. My mum went to a do a few weeks ago and wore wide velvet trousers and a beaded top, so actually not a dress at all.

Brenda I don't think anyone's suggesting that, just that the OP says her partner prefers to dress in trousers so might feel a bit awkward in a fancy frock.

suchafuss Wed 02-Dec-15 16:31:39

I can't wear heels and have attended black tie events in a tux with the bow tie loose around my neck with black and white brogues. No one batted an eye!

TastingTheRainbow Wed 02-Dec-15 16:40:13

We are also a lesbian couple and in the same situation my partner would wear traditional 'male' clothing. So black trousers, white shirt, black tie. Possibly a jacket / waistcoat is she could find one that wasn't huge (she's really small framed). It's never been a problem and I think she looks great!

Eastpoint Wed 02-Dec-15 16:41:24

White tie needs full length, black tie hasn't seen at least the 1980s.

BrendaandEddie Wed 02-Dec-15 17:29:40

i htink unless you are STUNNING you look a bit shit in a tux, unless its a very expensive made to measure one

Merguez Wed 02-Dec-15 20:09:24

At the last black tie event I attended I wore wide leg black evening trousers, heels and a lacy fitted top.

I think dress code nowadays for black tie is pretty loose - as long as you look like you've made an effort.

PinkPjamas Thu 03-Dec-15 19:15:31

Thank you for all your advice and encouragement.It's the first time we've been somewhere like this together.

I've got another dress to wear and I'll post photos of that.
No brenda that wasn't what I was meaning, just that I know she wouldn't wear a dress and she'd look and feel better in other things so I wanted some advice.

Suchafuss she doesn't wear heels so that makes me feel better, too as does what merguez says.

brenda do you think that of everyone in a tux, or just women ? I've worn one before and was complimented a lot and it definitely wasn't expensive-my Mum made it!

BrendaandEddie Thu 03-Dec-15 21:18:25

You're prob lithe and gorge smile

PinkPjamas Thu 03-Dec-15 22:39:47

Well, obviously wink


I weight train so I am a bit 'squat'. I'm not as slim as I'd like to be.

I do have a quite pretty face so I'm told. I like women in suits generally, though smile

I do want to wear a dress for this 'do, though. Just because I have a fair few and never get chance!

I'll update the thread when I've picked one and ask opinions again probably!

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