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self confidence

(3 Posts)
littleraysofsunshine Sun 15-Nov-15 22:24:52

I've always had low confidence and was wondering how to boost it. I don't get s lot of adult time as I'm a mama to three almost four littles. I find it hard to not go red when talking to new people, and just modest when talking about myself... Help!

maybemyrtle Sun 15-Nov-15 23:03:46

Didn't want to read and run and I'm sure others will be along with some great advice shortly, but in the meantime, a couple of thoughts...

Fake it til you make it. If you pretend to be confident, people will think and react to you as if you are, which in turn makes you feel more, and so on, until it becomes your normal.

If you want to start conversations from scratch you could try having some default openers ready, eg "I love your scarf - really vibrant/unusual/chic, where did you find it?", or something specific to the shared situation eg school/nursery/pool ("how long have your kids been coming here?") etc. And smile.

Keep in mind that you probably don't judge everyone around you, and likewise they will not be judging you. Everyone's basically preoccupied with themselves and their own kids/home/life, rather than being concerned by yours. Like I said, others will be along with better advice soon, no doubt.

Chocolateteabag Sun 15-Nov-15 23:30:00

I agree with everything myrtle says

I remember feeling intimidated by another mum who's ds2 was 3weeks older than my ds1 - turns out she was just as intimidated by me as "I didn't say much so she thought I thought she was daft"
Basically everyone but everyone feels nervous most of the time - they are just hiding it. You are probably also doing a good job of hiding it too.

Secondly - as myrtle says - fake it until it becomes normal. The more you practise speaking to others, the easier it becomes (there is a line in Pride and Prejudice about this from Elisabeth to Mr Darcy so it must be true!) so dare yourself to speak to someone each time you are out. Can just be shop assistant in town to start with, but do try it.

But also don't over do it - little and often. you are aiming for an equal amount of airtime (I can babble over people when I'm nervous so I have to try and mentally stop myself from talking too much at times)

Can you try asking people over for play dates at yours? Cup of tea while the little ones trash your house play? Or meet up at soft play? It's tough to ask the first time but you won't die on the spot if someone says no to your offer (and if they do well then their loss)

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