Very unexpected funeral to attend.. What to wear?

[Sheusedtobesomeonelse]

A very close friend of my DPs died suddenly in his sleep last night, aged only 31. A tragedy. Totally shell shocked.. so moving swiftly on..

The funeral will probably be on Friday or sat this week, waiting for family to arrive from New Zealand otherwise would have been on Thursday. So very limited time (and am at work all week).

What do you wear to a funeral? I've only been to my dads when i was 18 and wore a navy dress as my mum didn't want us in black.

Is there a sort of dress code to respect? Any faux pas' to keep in mind? I dont think i'll wear heels as i'm not sure of walking distances..

Please help, i'm overwhelmed.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Something smart and dark is the way to go. Navy or black. You can accessorise with a bit of colour
Unless they specify something else.

I went to one once and the men had to wear Hawaiian shirts and women had to wear the brightest thing in their wardrobe.

[Piffpaffpoff]

The last few I've been to, I wore a black dress and cardigan (summer) and a black dress and long grey coat (winter). Discreet jewellery and mid-heeled shoes. Basically nothing too 'flashy'.

What a shame, so young.

[Sheusedtobesomeonelse]

I love the idea of something bright but am not really sure what will be decided by the family.

Will have to look in my wardrobe tonight. I have a black blazer, might find something to go with that.

Thank you.

[imsorryiasked]

As others have said anything smart is good and people tend to weardark colours
However due to the unexpected it would be very unlikely for the funeral to take place this week as the coroner will need to be involved.

[hellsbellsmelons]

It did lighten the mood somewhat.
He was young too and a really funny and fun bloke.
Family insisted he'd want everyone to be bright and sunny.

[glasgowlass]

I've had 2 funerals in last month, one my uncle, and the other my wee brother. Both I got a new dress for. With my uncle it was just a plain black shift dress with black tailored jacket, slightly patterned black tights and mid heel shoes. I did have some statement jewellery on but not much.
For my brothers I got a floaty black knee length dress with white rose print (nicer than it sounds) teemed with same accessories.
I would say just choose something you feel comfortable in. Trousers & top are fine too. No one will judge you on your outfit at a funeral (if they do then they have issues).
Sorry about your DPs friend. Hope you are both doing ok.

[hiccupgirl]

I had my MIL's funeral recently. I wore black smart top and skirt with opaque black tights and boots. Khaki green cardi over the top.

If the family don't specify anything in particular then go for dark, smart (work type) clothes, nothing too bright or flashy.

[specialsubject]

what a shock - so sad and sorry for all concerned.

dress code; clean, tidy, dark colours unless otherwise instructed. Doesn't have to be black, any sober colour will do. Layers; a church can be cold and so can a cemetery, especially now.

if you need advice about flowers/donations, contact the funeral director.

take tissues, don't be ashamed to cry and regarding what to say; simple and straightforward is all that is needed.

you go to a funeral to support those left behind and it will be appreciated.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

Funeral on Thursday if you hadn't been waiting for relatives? Are you in the UK OP. That's very fast, especially if the death was unexpected.

[specialsubject]

Jews and Muslims have rapid funerals, and coroners are set up to expedite this.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

Yes, of course. I was really trying to get whether there were other factors that might affect attire.

Sorry for your loss OP

[StealthPolarBear]

I've been to lots of funerals recently :( people seem to wear a lot of stuff ow it's not as formal as it used to be. I wore a black dress and jacket

[Teladi]

Wait and see what the family say - if it is a close friend of your DP they may get in touch so he can help 'spread the word' about the arrangements.

I attended the funeral of a 30-year-old the other week (sadly I knew this one was coming) and we were asked to dress in a relaxed, casual and colourful style. I am also 30 and would hope that my family issue similar instructions if the worst should happen.

If you don't hear otherwise than agree that black is not necessarily required, but subdued and smart is the way to go.

[StealthPolarBear]

I'm obviously aorry for everyone's losses but particularly Glasgow lass s brother :(

[P1nkP0ppy]

Sombre colours and understated unless specifically asked to wear a particular colour or style.
If a specific religion it is important to check if your head/shoulders should be covered.

Personally I wouldn't wear a sleeveless dress/top if it was warmer weather.

[glasgowlass]

Thank you stealth, he was only 35 & was very unexpected. Every death is just so so sad, when it's someone young it just hits that wee bit harder.
So sorry for all who have lost a loved one. My heart goes out to you all.

[Sheusedtobesomeonelse]

Sorry haven't been back to this earlier.
I'm in France and the funeral will be on saturday morning.

I've found a Tara Jarmon dark purple coat i've only one once, am on the hunt for some slim cut trousers at lunchtime and that will do.

The family haven't requested anything in particular so sombre coulours/style it is. Though he was so fun loving and alive then shorts and vest tops in bright coulours would have been in line with his life! (or lycra as he was a top athlete).

Life is cruel. Thank you for the tips everyone. I know its not imoprtant in the grand scheme of things but don't want to get it wrong.

glasgowlass

[missnevermind]

When Mum died I wore a dress I know she liked seeing me in. It was purple and black though.

[missnevermind]

I also wore purple shoes, I had worn the same shoes to my grandmothers funeral the year before. One person was horrified that I wore them. Everybody else said granny would've loved them.

[FishWithABicycle]

Wearing colours to funerals is fairly new and I have only seen it at funerals where it was someone elderly who had led a full life the ending of which was expected and natural. These funerals are as much a celebration as a mourning. When the person who died is young, and the event is so much more about struggling with the unexpected loss and grief, I would stick to black.

[Sheusedtobesomeonelse]

I dont think people will be looking at what people have on their feet ?! Will they?!!
Dark purple is OK though? I need some dark trousers though.

[specialsubject]

no-one will be checking out your outfit, which sounds perfectly appropriate anyway. Dark purple is a sombre colour and will work fine.

[vitaminC]

OP, I think I know who your DP's friend is (I have a friend who lives in the same village) and it's likely to be a big funeral with many dignitaries and probably the local, if not national media.
I would aim to look as smart as possible, in dark colours and with the bare minimum of accessories. The purple coat should be fine.
I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope things go as smoothly as possible on Saturday.

[glasgowlass]

sheusedto your outfit sounds perfect, honestly don't overthink it, no one will look at your shoes. No one will judge any aspect of what you wear. You being there is the most important thing. Thinking of you, your DP & his friends loved ones.

[leadrightfoot]

My heartfelt condolences to all who had reason to attend funerals.

yes in France they move quick with funerals, the law is burial (or cremation) within 7 days. Quite a feat for getting people abroad to them. Having recently attended a French funeral, we had lots of people just turn up, coming from work wearing all sorts of normal clothes they wanted to pay respects to the family and did so with thier prescence. Some local dignitaries were in smarter clothes, as were the military people.

OP Your outfit sounds perfect, I wish you didn't have to attend this event, but I sincerely hope it all goes smoothly.