Please define 'frumpy'.....

[LaContessaDiPlump]

This is a TAAT, in case you were wondering! I saw the 'Phase 8 - frumpy or not?' thread and realised that I like quite a lot of stuff in there

I'm 33, 5'5 and a size 18 (hoping to drop a bit soon though). Big mum tum and bum, arms and legs on the larger side. I do have curves though.

Please steer me right Mumsnetters!

[flanjabelle]

To me frumpy is something that an elderly woman would be comfortable in. That may be stereotypical, and I'm sure there are plenty of fashionable elderly women, but the majority go for comfort over style, very bland colours, boring shapes etc. Or curtainy patterns.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

So basically my whole wardrobe then

I never wear anything 'interesting' because I'm convinced that it looks like utter shit on me. Safe, dependable, reliable, dull. Not hilarious to behold.

[Bunbaker]

I never wear anything uncomfortable. So that makes me frumpy as well.

[Gruach]

To me frumpy is something that an elderly woman would be comfortable in ...

What utter nonsense.

[claptomania]

To me frumpy equals beige, shapeless clothing in bad fabrics, things that are baggy or otherwise ill fitting. Wearer looks like they don't care.

[RiverTam]

There's been a huge thread about frumpy in the last couple of weeks, can't link because I'm in my phone but have a look.

I think frumpy us a state of mind. Personally I couldn't give a fuck what some people on the S&B board in MN think about what I wear. Well, I do, but I don't want to as who the hell is anyone to tell you that just because you like to wear X from Y shop that means you're a frump??

[IsabelleEberhardt]

Frumpy is yet another patriarchal stick to beat women with. Wear what you bloody like!

[squoosh]

It's all very subjective but frumpy to me is something like polyester slacks, a floral blouse and a pastel cardigan.

But even a lot of so called frumpy things like 'mom jeans' for example are back in fashion with the normcore cool kids.

You should always wear what makes you happy. No point dressing like the love child of Lady Gaga and Anna dello Russo if you secretly ache to wear some comfy jeans and trainers.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Hmm. I have belatedly realised that this thread has a good chance of making posters shout at each other. Sorry.

Perhaps it would be better to ask posters how they would define 'stylish'?

[EmilyPunkhurst]

This question has been posed before and there are hundreds of personal answers to it. "Frumpy" is often described as wearing clothes that are too conservative, unflattering or put together with no sense of personal style. I think there's maybe something too about dressing to "hide": which I think most of us have done at some stage in our lives for all sorts of reasons.

What matters most, I think, is wearing clothes that make you feel good about who you are and that are dictated by an internal voice not an external pressure. So if Phase 8 clothes suit you, you feel good in them and they help you to feel that you're the best version of you, then bloody well wear them!

I absolutely don't think you just lose your sense of style as you get older, I think personal style (of whatever kind) is carried through life.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I should point out that anything I purchase usually looks stylish and exciting in the shop but morphs into an ugly unflattering piece of shit as soon as I leave the shop.

Maybe it's because in the shop I am full of hope that this may make me look good and at home the reality becomes evident.

[nottheOP]

www.justlastseason.co.uk/stippled-floral-shirt-dress/070033182.html?cgid=JLS_Dresses&dwvar_070033182_color=0246

Shapeless, dated, beige. Most overly comfy shoes!

Sandals like this, teamed with knee length beige shorts and a lemon yellow M&S cotton round neck t-shirt = frump www.sportsdirect.com/karrimor-tobago-sandals-ladies-188079?colcode=18807990

I think it doesn't matter what size you are, or your age. Dressing in colours that don't wash you out, in clothes that fit and are cut well should keep you out of the frump zone IMO.

[triathlon]

I think there's no such thing. If someone wants to wear beige/patterns/florals then that's their chosen style that they are happy with. No need to be disparaging about it. They're only clothes.

[nottheOP]

I absolutely don't think you just lose your sense of style as you get older, I think personal style (of whatever kind) is carried through life

I have a very stylish granny. She has a great eye for what suits her - I haven't inherited this.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

nottheop that dress is the sort of thing I used to wear, and I have a pair of those sandals....

It's not fair. My younger sister wears things like that and somehow manages to look quirky and fun and like she believes she looks good. 'cos she does.

I tend to look at myself in the mirror and think 'That'll do - all covered up and not too ridiculous, revealing, tight or ugly'. I then avoid looking at myself for the rest of the day.

Do others actually consider how they'd like to appear, or do they just throw clothes on each day?

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

me possibly

I think it is very subjective. A lot of more stylish people would describe my dress sense as frumpy I guess. Jeans, tops, lots of long cardigans. The odd fleece thrown in for good measure

I think it's a hideous term though that really has no place in the English language. We should all be confident to wear what we choose and that should be that.

[MagicalRealist]

Whenever this question is asked on MN, there's a wide range of responses going from "fleeces and crocs" to "trench coats, blazers and skinny jeans" - basically, most things that most people wear will get labelled frumpy by someone.

[squoosh]

OP it sounds as though.........you need to love your reflection a bit more. You sound very down on yourself.

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

I have some sandals or dissimilar to those linked. They go nicely with my technical quick dry walking shorts and t shirt

They are also incredibly comfortable and practical for long walks. I love them and genuinely don't feel frumpy wearing that stuff at all!

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Maybe you're right, squoosh. It would be so much easier to love if it looked nice though.

I am naturally drawn to comfy things that look nice and safe. I received an order today from a company called the 'BeautyBay' and was honestly a bit embarrassed that anyone might think I had a right to order from it. That's silly, isn't it.

[EmilyPunkhurst]

Do you have a friend IRL who you think is stylish and whose opinion you trust? What about doing a huge try on session going through your wardrobe and maybe putting together some different combinations (that you might not otherwise choose)? Or ordering some things online and trying them on with a friend there?

We are always much harder and crueller to ourselves than we are to others. I think a friend might help you to see your good points: you'll have loads, we all do, but we're so willing to focus on the bad.

[squoosh]

That really is silly to be worried that people would be mocking you for buying from Beautybay.Emily is right, we are SO much more critical of ourselves than anyone else is. Take it from me LaContessa, you're at least 42% more attractive than you give yourself credit for!

Go on Pinterest and look for styles you'd like to try. Start out by wearing a colour or pattern you'd normally avoid and gradually build up your confidence.

It's fine to wear Phase 8 if that's what you love but I get the feeling you'd like to try other looks. Can your sister help you out?

[fabulousfanny]

OP it sounds like you're in desperate need of a 'Style Day' by House of Colour or Colour Me Beautiful or with an independent stylist (John Lewis/Selfridges etc..)

No, I don't work for any of them but I think they're hugely helpful to people who don't have an innate sense of their own style or who have lost their way, style-wise for whatever reason.

If you're only 33 then you should be making the most of your youth (!) and figure. If you tell us what type of body you have and what kind of image you want to project, maybe we can help.

shouts 'oi!' to Travelincolour

[MNetter15]

I remember a poster absolutely nailing it on a previous thread. She said something like, bootleg jeans that are a few cm's too short over round toe boots (I'm picturing brown, faded from being worn) and a fleece jacket. That is my definition of frumpy too.

[DinosaursRoar]

I guess the best discriptions of 'frumpy' I've read have been yes, dressing for comfort and practicality, or picking 'suitable' clothing for an occasion, without also adding in any attempt to look good (just 'suitable' or 'ok'), or caring about looking fashionable or classically stylish.

So no particular item of clothing can be picked as 'frumpy' as a definative list, as case in point "mum jeans" are back in fashion. I guess it would come down to - are you wearing Mum jeans because they're in fashion and you want to follow a trend, or they are the best shape to flatter your figure; or are you wearing them because that's the shape of jeans you've always worn and they are comfy? If it's the latter, then you are in the frumpy mindset!

I think the idea of a 'stylist day' might be good for you, someone to give you the confidence to wear clothes to flatter, rather than to hide. Something a bit less 'safe'.