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I just want a nice outfit but I look like poo :(

(25 Posts)
Skinheadmermaid Mon 01-Dec-14 01:46:45

I've also had a fairly quirky, grunge-y sense of style although I do my hair/wear make up everyday etc so i'm not that scruffy.
But I hate dressing up for occasions, I have a handful of dresses but they're more summer day dresses.
It seems women of my age (i'm 26) all wear patterned trousers, really high heels, peplum tops, leather leggings or skirts when they go out and I look awful in all of those things!
I can't walk in even the slightest heel so thats out.
I've gained and lost the same half a stone twice this year and i'm trying for a third time to lose it by my birthday in January. I've really struggled this year since getting married and moving in with DH as he buys a lot of crap and likes to take me out for meals (not complaining).
I used to be obese and i'm not now but as I said i'm still at least 10 pounds bigger then i'd like to be and I HATE my figure. I have broad shoulders like a bloody rugby player, I do weights but still have flappy bat wings from weight loss, have huge calves the size of my thighs and have a big round arse and lumpy, sticking out upper thigh saddlebags that I can't shift no matter how many lunges and squats I do!
Sometimes I just want to cry when i look in the mirror, I try so hard watching what i eat and exercising and i'm still fatter then all the other girls my age and I have loads of loose skin and cellulite where the fat has shifted around. I'm usually taller then other girls as well (even though at 5.8 i'm not that tall) and feel like a big, fat giant.
The girls my age at DH's work do all looked so polished and chic and tiny. I felt like a completely unfashionable weirdo and I was wearing my 'prettiest' dress.
I just want a nice outfit to wear on my birthday without feeling like a heifer. sad I'm a 10 on top, very little in the way of boobage, freakishly long arms and broad back/shoulders (only two inches smaller then DH and he's 6ft) and a 12/14 on the bottom with wobbly cellulite riddled tree trunks for legs.

This is a ridiculously long post, i applaud anyone that can be bothered to read it tbh. hmm

sunflower49 Mon 01-Dec-14 01:59:42

Congratulations on the weight loss, that's a huge achievement! And you have a DH that loves you. If I was you though, and I really felt that losing weight was important to me, I'd tell him and ask that he supported me by means of healthy food in the house, and meals out only once a week or less.


Well, I could be bothered reading it!

Never mind the clothes, you sound really upset and down on yourself!

It's time to start viewing yourself better! You're you, you don't have to be like anybody else!

I think your sort of figure would look good in wide-leg trousers to balance your legs, and a nice top that flatters you, perhaps something like this?

If you don't want to wear heels then don't, find some dressy flats or ankle boots. Or wedge heel?

sunflower49 Mon 01-Dec-14 02:03:21

If you have close friends that are good with fashion, ask them to give you some tips, too. I'm self-confessed rubbish at fashion and have done this several times and it worked.

AimlesslyPurposeful Mon 01-Dec-14 02:05:57

Firstly - You have to stop comparing yourself to other people!

Next - You used to be obese and now you're not. You should be so proud of yourself. Losing weight is tough. It requires effort and will power and you obviously have those. If you really want to lose another 10lbs before January then you can but it'll require some effort. You've done it before so what's stopping you now?

I'm no fitness expert but it might be that the squats and lunges are what's building up your calf muscles. Could you have one or two sessions with a personal trainer who could help you focus on the areas you want to shift? The right exercises could transform your body shape.

Do you have an outfit in mind for your birthday or do you know where you're going and what the dress code is?

NoelleHawthorne Mon 01-Dec-14 02:08:37

Your peplum mates sound rough. Don't do a peplum!

LeoandBoosmum Mon 01-Dec-14 02:15:41

You are a size 10 on the top and a 12/14 on the honestly can't look that bad!
I think you need to exercise a bit of self-control. If you can't get your DH on board I think you should start preparing your own meals (concentrate on veggies mostly, half your plate should be veg, preferably green...loads of broccoli is great! Grill, poach, boil, steam instead of frying or roasting....poached eggs are a great breakfast! Wholemeal bread and brown basmati rice instead of white. Make your snacks things like celery and a small quanity of hummus, a handful of almonds, cashews or walnuts, a piece of fruit (small banana, apple, berries are great because they are so low calorie...they are great for 'afters' with natural yoghurt or a low cal sorbet. Drink lots of water - often we mistake thirst for hunger and eat when we don't need to. Cut out fruit juices...whole fruit is much better as you get the fibre too (fruit juice - sugar!) Try to cut out chocolate weekdays and have a small bar on the weekend if you can. Go easy on the cheese and watch your alcohol intake - such an easy way to jeopardise your progress. Saying that, you can still have a couple of wines a week without too much damage smile
Stick to grilled chicken, salmon, trout, mackerel, turkey mostly. Only have read meat once a week or so. Go for hot curry if you buy jars of it, the mild ones are creamier and really calorific.
If you are an emotional eater distract yourself with a brisk walk or dance around the living room to'll pass. Don't eat in front of the TV - it's fatal!
Could you buy a could bounce on it while watching tv or listening to music. Swimming is great, so is walking. If it's your birthday in Jan, maybe your DH would help you by getting you a good exercise bike for Christmas/ birthday. My friend has a Nordic Track and he lost a lot of weight using it.
Set yourself small goals and reward yourself when you reach them. Remember that everyone has weeks where their weight loss plateaus...don't give up as the next week twice as much as you were expecting may come off! Keeping a food diary is a good idea as you become aware of everything you are eating!
Join the weightloss board here for tips and support.
I have a broad back can dress to minimise bits you're not happy with. You have a husband who loves you so don't sweat it too much...he's obviously happy with what he has smile See if he'll offer support by embarking on a healthy eating plan with you, even if only until Christmas week. You can lose half a stone in three weeks if you really put your mind to it! Have a little faith in yourself! You can do it!
We all tend to focus on our worst parts! Try to focus on what you like...if you can't find anything you like then ask your DH or a trusted friend...And, don't constantly compare yourself to the babes at work - no one is perfect and I'll bet some of them are secretly less confident than you! Everyone has their body hang-ups!
(and, I'm sorry if I upset you on the scarf post...I didn't mean to, honestly wasn't being sarcastic but sorry if it came across that way).

LeoandBoosmum Mon 01-Dec-14 02:26:40

I meant to say that you should concentrate mostly on cardio imo.
You also need some help with keeping the weight off once it comes off...I really would join a board to help me stay on track. It's honestly a lifestyle choice; you can't lose weight longterm if you go back to old eating habits and don't stay active. I think if you are 5ft8 and a 10 on top/ 12-14 on the bottom a lot of what you're seeing is imagine or at least magnified in your own mind! You are being way too critical of yourself. You say you were once obese, now you're not but it's so hard to change your mindset. Please don't be so hard on yourself! 10lbs is nothing to lose! smile

LeoandBoosmum Mon 01-Dec-14 02:27:23

sorry, I meant 'imagined'.

KissMyFatArse Mon 01-Dec-14 02:37:14

The trousers sunflower suggested are a good shout. Also if your smaller uptop and larger below what about a skater style dress which kinda flares out over your hips but hugs your waist? Will show how petite you are up top and skim over your curves?

sunflower49 Mon 01-Dec-14 02:40:27

I agree 10 on top 12/14 on the bottom at 5'8, you CAN'T possibly look bad!

And I dare say I know how it feels, I have a broad back, too, and a large waist but slim hips and bottom half so if I dress wrong I look like a box of cornflakes on legs.

In fact, I started a thread about this recently because I didn't have a clue what sort of dress I could wear. And I'll bet the friends you have who you think look great, feel the same about some aspects of their bodies! I have a stunning friend, a published model who will swear she looks masculine/is fat/has no bum/whatever insert insecurity here-we ALL have them.

It's the best thing to concentrate on your good points and be comfortable in your own skin, and look after yourself. Your body and you deserve respect from you.

NoelleHawthorne Mon 01-Dec-14 03:03:59

I don't think she needs diet tips

Skinheadmermaid Mon 01-Dec-14 03:46:35

Thanks for the replies guys, honestly wasn't expecting any. flowers
I do like skater dresses but i'm struggling to find any nice ones in the shops atm. confused
They all seems to be very flimsy (no good for winter!) or a bit short! (and ones in the 'tall' section are too long)
The wide leg trousers are a good idea. I usually stick to skinny styles on my bottom half as I find excess material can make me look bigger?
I really like ankle boots but they make my legs look stumpy. My dm whose size 18 looks good in leggings and boots so i don't know why i don't. Do knee high boots work on a pear shape?
I don't have any friends which is why perhaps i don't understand what people my age wear. But i've always been a bit of a weird dresser. I was the goth kid at school lol.
leo No you didn't offend me, i was just genuinely confused. smile I'm not an emotional eater anymore. I used to binge eat but I don't anymore. I try not to eat anymore then 1200 calories a day. I have to follow a clean high protein low carb diet for my IBS. So its eggs/porridge for breakfast/salad for lunch/protein and veg for dinner. No wheat. I don't generally snack but if i do it'll be an apple. I don't eat chocolate, i don't enjoy it anymore. I don't drink alcohol and I rarely watch TV. wink
I think i keep gaining back the weight because i've missed a lot of training this year or maybe my metabolism is damaged from years of yoyo dieting. I've had repeated problems with my knee (the bastard) and had a couple of broken bones from boxing so i haven't been to the gym that much.
I do practice a couple of martial arts, do fitness and conditioning classes and try to get out jogging as well. I walk a bit too, not that much, 3-5 miles a day normally. I've had a lot of projects on recently though (self employed) so my classes have dropped down to twice a week, at one point I was training five days a week. I need to try and build my fitness back up.
I just seem to gain weight at the drop of a hat.

coffeenut Mon 01-Dec-14 03:52:26

for broad shoulders, look for v-necks/ or scoop necks. No high necks. (And I think peplum tops have long since had their day).

Have you tried knee-length pencil skirts? They can be pretty flattering if you have larger thighs (like moi) but okay calves.

my fashionable friends all seem to stick to black (and neutrals).

LeoandBoosmum Mon 01-Dec-14 03:54:20

Well, you seem to be doing a lot of stuff right! 1200 cals a day combined with walking those distances alone should result in the weight loss you want. Maybe you should get your thyroid tested? Have you had it tested? I'd ask my doc if I were you smile

Skinheadmermaid Mon 01-Dec-14 04:04:12

coffee yes I do like pencil and midi skirts- but I can't walk in them. Is there a secret I don't know about? grin Also, they roll up when I do walk in them? confused How can I stop this?
I was thinking of wearing maybe a midi skirt and a slouchy jumper?
leo I know. I did ask the Dr but he was mightily unhelpful. It was him that said my metabolism might be 'broken'. I think i need a better dr. Perhaps its my portion sizing?
Sometimes I have an 'off' day and eat a hamburger and chips or have a dessert but thats once a week not everyday.
I have included this deeply unflattering picture of myself. I have actually lost an inch and a half from my hips since this was taken. (which is nothing to anyone else...everything to me...)

sunflower49 Mon 01-Dec-14 04:24:33

You look great in that picture!Aside from swamping yourself a little, I'll bet you have a great figure underneath.

I know what you mean about wide-legged trousers but, they can sort of make your bottom half look the same as your top half. You don't seem to have large hips so they'll conceal your calves which you're self conscious about whilst still emphasising your curves, then if you wear something flattering on top I think you'd look nice. You have fab hair, too envy .

Also, I had a 'broken' metabolism at one point, too-it takes time but the right attitude to food and exercise can change it. Make sure you're getting enough calories, you're quite tall and if you're active don't starve yourself.

Good luck!

coffeenut Mon 01-Dec-14 05:52:20

maybe size up ie get a 14 if you're a 12-14? The skirts shouldnt be too tight to walk in. Also if they are just under the knee it might help prevent them rolling? I think a (not-too) slouchy jumper with a pencil skirt on you would look great. You could try a nice (not too drapey) blouse too? I bought one recently from Oasis that I love.

Athrawes Mon 01-Dec-14 06:13:13

Those are good legs and look kinda cute in those leggings. How are your boobs? I am going with straight leg jeans which would skim your calves and a cute sparkly top, maybe empire line tunic which would focus on your bosom. Top off with a cropped cardi (I would suggest a shrug to cover upper arms but suspect this is a bit non U for MN).

MakeMeWarmThisWinter Mon 01-Dec-14 08:53:03

You have a great figure, a normal figure, without doubt a comparable figure to the women you are comparing yourself to so unfavourably.

You need to work on your self-esteem before any clothes will do the trick, otherwise you will always feel wrong and like you don't deserve to wear nice things.

Treat yourself more kindly. Go to the shops and try on all the things you wouldn't ever wear, just for fun. Pout in front of the mirror in a lovely dress from a more expensive shop than you'd normally try. Try on some leather leggings for a laugh.

burnishedsilver Mon 01-Dec-14 10:01:50

For your height a 10 on top and a 12 on the bottom sounds perfect. I suspect that what you see in the mirror is quite different to stay other prior see when they look at you. From your discription I thought you we going to say you are size 20 or thereabouts.

A personal shopper might be a good thing to try. Lots of shops, department stores and shopping centres have them and they're often free.

HollyJollyXmas Mon 01-Dec-14 10:16:38

You sound lovely! The main problem here seems to be comparing yourself unfavourably to others and a lack of self confidence.

Stop it right now <stern face>.

I'm enormously tall with huge feet, big bum and big boobs. I learned long ago that I will NEVER cultivate that cute, skinny, girly chic style. And thats OK. I would look ridiculous in skyscraper heels and a short skirt and I would feel like a dickhead.

So...your challenge now is to find some different styles that you actually feel physically comfortable in and then get a dressed up version of those going on. For example - I like shift dresses with thick tights and chunky boots for a day time look. So I wear shift dresses with thick but nicer tights and mary janes or ankle boots to go out. I just tweak what I know feels comfy and looks OK for going out, basically.

Start small. Find one outfit that feels good. That in itself is a challenge for me, personally, because (like a lot of women I would imagine) high street clothes arent always cut for my shape or height. But it IS do-able, it just takes a bit more excruciatingly boring shopping to find the right thing.

Find ONE outfit you like this month, wear it out, practice telling yourself you look fucking GREAT and don't compare yourself to anyone else. Just stop that voice when it enters your head and replace with something positive. Baby steps!

Skinheadmermaid Mon 01-Dec-14 13:03:45

Thanks for the replies guys. Some great tips for me to think about.

LeoandBoosmum Mon 01-Dec-14 13:27:06

Skinheadmermaid - you look really good in that photo! And you say you've lost off your hips since. I honestly think you have nothing to worry about. You have a beautiful's all down to your skewed perception (no offence!) There are many women who would love to have your body! I genuinely think you are being too hard on yourself!
Saying all this, maybe it is time to see a different doctor and have some tests. Thyroid problems can make it very difficult to lose weight or keep it off. You sound like you are living a very healthy lifestyle with good food choices and good activity levels. You really should have to worry about the occasional burger! Your difficulty keeping weight off (you said it fluctutates) is concerning since you are doing everything right. You shouldn't have to work so hard to maintain which is why I think testing would be good.
Anyhow...I was expecting to see some kind of monster the way you describe yourself - you are actually, whether you believe it or not yourself, in great shape!
If I can say one more thing: please, please stop comparing yourself to others, it's so demoralising and dangerous.

Oh, and Noelle Hawthorne - I'll let the OP decide if she needs diet tips or not. She is free to take on board all or nothing I said. I was trying to be helpful. What was your contribution? Don't wear peplum tops... So, so helpful!

LeoandBoosmum Mon 01-Dec-14 13:28:20

OP *shouldn't, not should smile

gonegrey56 Mon 01-Dec-14 18:27:06

I think you look fantastic and echo the comments that you are being much too hard on yourself!
I have seen some lovely ethnic/sparkly tops in East this autumn. What about one of those with a v-neck, with a long dangly necklace , worn over black trousers with black ankle boots with a bit of a heel (leg lengthening and all that) ?

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