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Oh bloody hell, I'm going to look a state

(39 Posts)
trickynicky Sat 03-May-14 12:10:56

So, I'm overweight (size 20/22), 5ft 9, 50 years old (but apparently look about 45), mid length highlighted hair. My stomach/butt are BIG and I don't feel I look good in anything at all to be honest. I wear my uniform (all the time) of black stretchy waisted trousers from M&S which I wear with a variety of loose fitting shirts and jumpers in the winter. In the summer, I switch to linen trousers and loose tops. Never wear skirts as I have horribly fat ankles. I hate my body. I have horrible feet so I find sandals a real problem. I have fair skin, so I'm always pale.

So, we've agreed to go on holiday to Spain in the summer for a week with 4 families. All the mums are GORGEOUS. Early forties, not a stretch mark or lump of fat on any of them. Extremely well groomed and look gorgeous (I'm sure) on a sun lounger, whereas I look like a beached, slightly pink whale - horrid. I am already feeling VERY sorry for my dh and my 2 x dd's as I am bound to embarrass them by the poolside - the thought of being seen dead in a swimsuit makes me hyperventilate. I'm working out how I can manage to get from a sunlounger into the pool to play with my kids without being seen by 12 people..... Last year, I managed to do it by sitting on the edge in my massive T-Shirt and when no-one was looking, I through it off and jumped in. I was in there for bloody hours waiting for an opportunity to get out without being watched!! OMG.... I am DREADING IT.

Any ideas about what the bloody hell to wear/purchase/ how to look slightly better than I do now in 12 weeks would be much appreciated.

dazzlingdeborahrose Sat 03-May-14 12:22:16

Okay, you have 12 weeks. Do you feel if you lost some weight you would feel better. In 12 weeks you could lose at least a stone which may not sound like much but you'd be surprised at the difference it could make. I'm pale like you. This year I'm going for fake tan - not really brown, more sun kissed. Just enough to take the white glare off. How do you feel about maxi dresses? A change from trousers and covers a multitude of sins. Some high impact accessories always helps. Try a swim dress. Much more flattering than the t shirt. Remember, nobody by the pool us perfect. You're probably the only one taking any notice of you. Concentrate on grooming - good hair and nails always helps. Above all, relax and enjoy!

Skinheadmermaid Sat 03-May-14 12:22:45

Well in 12 weeks you could lose quite a bit of weight...easily a stone. If you hate your body that much at least it would be a start.
I know how it feels, i used to be size 22. Nothing you wear will make you feel any better.
Anyway you don't have to wear a swimming costume- what about some board shorts and a tankini top. Midi skirts and a camisole for day. Or a fit and flare dress with very very thin tights and ballet pumps. Can you walk in heels? How about wedges? Linen trousers as you mentioned would be a good idea, with a cotton shirt unbuttoned over a lacy vest to stop you burning.
A push up bra does wonders if you are endowed in that area.
Just a word of advice, baggy clothes will just make you look bigger. I know from experience.

TheBogQueen Sat 03-May-14 12:32:05

This is all good advice..

But I would say..fuck it. You are overweight and let's face it everyone can see it and everyone still loves you, finds you good company. You are a large version of you. And if you lost weight you would still be you - the person people like.

Wearing a big T shirt by the pool just draws attention to your discomfort. You need a good well fitting swimming costume, you need a lovely maxi dress and a good well fitting bra. Some lovely sandals. Paint your toe nails. Get a big hat and sunglasses. Get a cover up for wandering around the pool if you feel self conscious.

Be prepared to see bodies of all shapes and sizes in Spain. No one is looking. They only peiople who get looked at are the fit 19 year olds - and they are only checking out each other. Everyone else, including the slim forty year olds - might as well be sitting in a boiler suit.

Just have a lovely time.

itsbetterthanabox Sat 03-May-14 12:41:48

Skinhead you may have felt that way not everyone does hmm
Op you are no 'worse' than these slimmer women. Do not even think you are embarrassing your family. Firstly they are your family and if they did feel like that it's their problem and pretty pathetic because there is nothing wrong with.
Focus on the things you'll do there, the fun you'll have not your appearance in comparison to someone else!
Nice swimsuit, comfy dresses off you go!

trickynicky Sat 03-May-14 15:14:43

Thank you everyone. I'm not keen on my upper arms, tummy, bum, ankles so that's pretty restrictive isn't it? I know my family don't really mind - my dh/kids never say a word and I am not sure they think it but my thoughts are that they MAY do that when seeing me up against our friends in the flesh so to speak.

Am definitely going to try and lose a stone... I didn't mention that I have already lost some weight - only about half a stone but it's a start. I have a long way to go.

It's not just the weight, I think for me it's a lack of confidence about what looks OK on me. I've no idea what looks OK and what looks crap but my default view is that everything looks crap so I might as well not bother too much.

I am afraid also of drawing attention to myself so if I step out in a maxi dress I think everyone will stare as they are so used to seeing me in my boring "uniform"....

I am a fun person, on the positive side and I think I have wonderful friends who do love me for being me but that doesn't help me feel deep down that I'm a visual disgrace :-)

RonaldMcDonald Sat 03-May-14 15:24:04

in truth you could be 2 stones thinner by then if you were fairly strict and reduced your food intake
start today!!

nothing refined <no bread pasta added sugar choc wine etc>
keep spuds in
personally I find it easier to diet when i give up breakfast. i know this goes against all dieting wisdom but mostly that is all i do for a few weeks and am back to where i need to be
when i don't eat breakfast it means that i can trough more in the evening when i am bored eating

other than that everybody there will be thinking that they are a fright. I am tall and slim/skinny but have utterly no arse and it beyond depresses me. I have even tried those comedy padded pants - this is not a lie
so i am trying to normalise what you are feeling

then get some fab bits to wear that you love
a natural fake tan
great accessories and have a BRILLIANT time

Skinheadmermaid Sat 03-May-14 15:35:11

Ronald, squats and lunges will give you an arse. You can do them at home, start with 30 a day and add another 10 every two/three days- and eat plenty of protein. Perhaps instead of no breakfast you could have a protein shake with skim milk?

prettywhiteguitar Sat 03-May-14 15:35:46

I am a skinny person. I was on holiday and there was a couple there, the lady was absolutely lovely, had a great black swimsuit which I wanted, great stylish sunglasses and a top knot I her hair and was probably the same size as you.

She looked cool, didn't really matter much about her size to me I still wished I was as stylish as her

Roshbegosh Sat 03-May-14 15:48:34

I feel the same OP. East have some lovely summer dresses and there is Boden. A little bit of fake tan will help but don't overdo it. You just have to act confident and brazen it out then no one will know you are struggling and you will end up enjoying yourself. Depending on your budget Rigby and Peller do very flattering swim wear. Just strut your stuff.

TheZeeTeam Sat 03-May-14 15:48:42

I agree with TheBogQueen entirely. Who cares if the other women are skinny and glam? They clearly all like you as you're all going on holiday together.

Check out Esther Williams 50s style swimwear with the tummy control. Big hat, cool glasses, nice cover up (that's not a big tshirt!) and just enjoy yourself. I know it must be hard, but you can do this!

RonaldMcDonald Sat 03-May-14 15:52:00

i've done the lot over and over for around 20 yrs
flat as a pancake

I have tried to pretend it is okay and I think that I am less envious and more accepting of people with big booties

PeppermintInfusion Sat 03-May-14 15:54:02

As others have said, you've got 12 weeks and even getting slightly toned up will make you feel heaps better (and is much more noticeable than just losing weight iyswim). Concentrate on getting a swimsuit in a cut that fits you well and get one to fit your bra size as they always looks better. You can get ones that look like a dress which you might like, and a kaftan in a corordinating colours with some funky flip flops/sandals.
How about some long linen maxi skirts? They wouldn't be too different from your linen trousers.
Apart from that grooming is key- a bit of fake tan always flatters, and maybe get your hair done and a mani pedi, will make you feel more confident.

Just remember they've invited you because they want you there, and don't let anything stop you enjoying your holiday!

TheCatThatSmiled Sat 03-May-14 16:04:34

You sound like my body twin smile

Don't worry about not being in your uniform, everyone wears different stuff on holidays - because of the heat. It's expected.

I got two good fitting - long body swimsuit from M&S, they are underwired, have a panel to stop tummy wobble and have a much more flattering cut, my husband complemented me in it and my boobs looked awesome!

On top of that I had several knee length but very sheer v neck beach cover ups - that I kept on all the time - even swimming (worried about sun burn if anyone mentions it)
Kimono trypes cover up your upper arms too.

Maxi or midi spaghetti strap empire line dresses and bolero tops with sparkly flip flop sandals. Or loose linen trousers with floaty v neck 2/3 sleeve tops

helzapoppin2 Sat 03-May-14 16:15:20

Tricky, I wouldn't try and lose weight. There are so many big and fabulous looking women out there, I would try and emulate them. If you're like me you don't know where to start. Maybe a (free) personal shopper, or a number of them to get some nice clothes sorted out, especially the cossie. A sarong helps to create length.
Look at Imogen Lamport's InsideOut Style blog. She has been big, although lost weight recently, and is an Australian image consultant. There's lots of free advice on her site, especially on packing a holiday wardrobe. Image consultants also explain why certain things work, and visual tricks to balance the body.
I'm size 18, and see many women my size and bigger who look stunning, and look as if they've really got it together. I haven't yet, don't put in enough time, but I'm sure it can be done. Above all, don't feel that being a size 12 would make you a better person. It won't!

trickynicky Sat 03-May-14 16:18:28

Thecat - so glad I'm not alone! Lovely ideas, thank you. Out of interest - I love these kimono type cover ups but M&S never seem to fit me around the tummy (tight when I sit down!)... any ideas where to get something that is also OK to swim in (I have often gone down the "burning shoulders" route and feel much better when I'm dressed in something over my swimsuit...

Thanks everyone - I really appreciate your positive comments, what a lovely set of ladies you are....Ronald....what I wouldn't do for a flat arse...

ABeautifulLie Sat 03-May-14 16:37:13

I haven't read all of the replies but just wanted to let you know that, as a child, I never judged my mum for her size. I was never embarrassed by her size. Don't worry about embarrassing your family. My siblings were never embarrassed by my mum's size either.
Now that I have my own children I look back on my childhood and wish my mum had been more active with us, but you've already said that you get into the pool to play with your children so you have nothing to feel bad about.
I do agree that you should make sure you have a great bra and a swimming costume that you feel good in. No hiding under baggy t-shirts.
Have a great holiday smile

RhondaJean Sat 03-May-14 16:38:49

Tricky lets start from the other direction - what DO you like about yourself? Tell us your good points?

TheCatThatSmiled Sat 03-May-14 16:42:21

Believe it or not, my fav is one I picked up in Matalan - worth a look, look for ones with a gathering under the bust - like this:

MrsFlorrick Sat 03-May-14 16:42:53

Your friends and family love you. The obviously are happy to go away with you.

However if you want to do something for yourself, start 5:2 diet (very easy and simple) and start working out. I recommend swimming or Jillian Michaels The 30 day shred.

In 12 weeks you could do The Shred 3 times. If you google Shred and results and see the people on My Fitness Pal and the amazing results with it you will be spurred on.

You could try low carb diet. I found it too restrictive and 5:2 much easier and I am maintaining nicely now smile

And I really do know what I am talking about! I lost almost 5 stone after having DD almost 5 years ago.

And I lost 7 stone after having DS, who will be 3 in July.

I am currently at goal weight withBMI of just under 21 and 22.5% body fat (thanks to Jillians workouts).

It took me 14 months the first time and this time a bit longer. I reached goal in Feb this year.

Tried every diet. So here is a summary:

Jason Vale juice diet - extreme but effective bit you feel yuck.
Weight watchers - rubbish ineffective.
Dukan - super effective and quick. Very restrictive. I've done it twice. Second time round for 3 months and I lost almost 3 stone in that time.
Low carb - moderately effective. Hard to stick to but it gets you away from sugar. Which helps.
5:2 - super easy. No special food or books or memberships or cutting out of food groups (apparently cake isn't a food group. Who knew wink)

If you mixed it up a bit and low carbed or did Dukan for a month and the. Switched to 5:2. Plus the Jillian workouts, you could lose a couple of stone +.

If you were committed that is. Jillian workouts are done at home (privacy good!) and are circa 20 mins long so no excuses but you need to do Shred 7 days a week or at least 6 or you're getting nowhere fast.

MrsFlorrick Sat 03-May-14 16:45:51

Oh and I'm 40 btw. grin So not a spring chicken by any means.

I also have a 2yo and a 4yo and a DH who is never home to help.

But I managed it and I have no willpower and love biscuits. grin

All that said. Only embark on this if you want it for yourself. Don't do it for others.

I did it for me. And it feels good.

Joins us on the 5:2 board or join BIWIs recently started Bootcamp thread.

bouquetofpencils Sat 03-May-14 16:51:20

I am off to a spa break next week and am current the largest of my friends.
I am this week mostly exfoliating, moisturising, decarbing and am having my hair, eyebrows and nails done. I have also gone to primark and gone mad on their tummy control underwear.
None of it will make me thinner but I will feel a bit more confident.
My advice is focus on the bits you do like. Have great hair, bright lippy, nice nails, bronzer everywhere, lovely perfume, funky accessories and cool kaftan cover ups. You will be the belle if the ball. Rock it!

Cocolepew Sat 03-May-14 16:54:01

Definitely don't sit with a baggy tshirt on, get a good fitting swinsuit or dress and the loose beach cover ups, like mentioned above.

Garnier gradual tan moisturizer in light to medium will give you a nice glow in a couple of days.

Have a lovely time!

ArtisanBaps Sat 03-May-14 16:55:08

Don't forget hair. I do think a great cut and colour is the best value for money thing you can do for your appearance.

I agree with what others have said about attitude and black stylish costume, beautiful painted toenails, big floppy sun hat and big sunnies, pretty sandals.

Get going with a foot sander thing if yours are anything like mine - no need for cracked heels!

What about getting eyebrows and eyelashes dyed a bit darker? My very fair gingery freckley mate swears by this for added oomph.

Well done on the half stone and good luck if you are going to go for the next stone!

bigkidsdidit Sat 03-May-14 16:55:43

I've just een on a big family holiday with women l all shapes. Honestly, everyone looked good because we all made a bit of an effort. Have a manicure and pedicure, put some fake tan on before you go, get nice sunglasses, a caftan for walking round (much better than a t shirt) and a very well fitting swimsuit.

The people who do stand out are the self conscious ones, it's a cruel irony. So don't sit about feeling bad - get in the pool ad swim with the kids, go for walks on the beach, take them for games. People won't look twice at a larger woman having fun - hey will notice someone loitering by the pool for ages.

I promise you that you will be able to look good if you spend a bit of time and effort before going smile

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