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Feel like crying tonight- fat 45 and frumpy and fed up.

(34 Posts)
kansasmum Fri 02-May-14 22:45:54

That's how I feel tonight.sad Going to a wedding tomorrow so was doing my eyebrows tonight's it dawned on me that I have become fat and frumpysad I just never seem to be able to get that ' pulled together' look.
I have a lovely outfit from Monsoon to wear that I do feel good in but while doing eyebrows etc I realised I hardly make any effort with make up etc on a day to day basis.

I need to make more effort. I am 45 and need to kick my butt.

But where do I start? I have limited time in the morning to do make up but have been using mineral foundation thingy which I like and does improve my face!
Skin care routine consists of: Clinique face wash and Aldi moisturiser twice a day ( most of the time).

Make up if I bother, is mineral foundation, black eyeliner and mascara and reddish- pink lipgloss.

I need to lose about 5 stone ( have lost 1 so far) have mid brown highlighted hair and a medium skintone. I live in jeans and tops from stores such as Next /Fat face or dresses from Boden with tights or leggings.
What wardrobe staples would be good and what make should get?

Help me drag my sorry ass into some some of style or at least presentable! All ideas welcome.

BerylStreep Fri 02-May-14 22:51:45

I am 44 and quite overweight.

I think that to make up for that, I need to make sure I spend time on make up, hair, and accessories.

Have a look at some make-up tutorials to see if you could build on your make up routine without it being a palaver. I love Trish McEvoy, and Lisa Eldritch also has some good tutorials.

I have a couple of really good statement necklaces, and scarves. I always, always wear either a necklace or scarf.

If you have the money, it would be worth getting your colours done too. It is about £80.

kansasmum Fri 02-May-14 22:59:39

Thank you Beryl. Will give the tutorials a try. Where would I get my colours done! I know lots of people on here swear by it.

cafecito Fri 02-May-14 23:06:53


I'm in 20s BUT I have gained a load of weight recently and feel like crying too - I don't wear make up anymore, don't even look in mirrors - eurgh
I avoid certain things because I fee too yucky and unpresentable

<not a helpful post but solidarity!

kansasmum Fri 02-May-14 23:07:23

Appreciate the solidarity!!

cafecito Fri 02-May-14 23:14:09

well done on losing the stone!

ok I'll try and be a bit less unhelpful

1. hair - condition it, good cut

2. eyebrows - thread don't pluck

3. go for more walks

4. if you drink lattes a lot. don't.

5. maybe try a bb cream or tinted moisturiser, eyeliner and mascara - so barely there but still a bit 'done'

4. find something flattering and stick with it like a uniform , changing only to another uniform that is flattering - you'll feel better

eg for me, at the moment in dumpy zone ,nothing fits me and I feel awful. I have however 1 pair of 'skinny mini' trousers from gap last year in a size (s) bigger than the ones I have worn previously. I wear these quite a lot, as they are not crazy tight it's a bit more flattering - easy to throw on. wear with ballet pumps, a black top (or a floatier silkish top in navy or grey or something and a nice scarf /trench coat if chilly

I feel kind of semi presentable, and they are more flattering than anything else I currently own - dull but needs must for me!

when colder I wore opaques a lot with dresses/skirts but now it's warmer I can't really do that.

cafecito Fri 02-May-14 23:18:37

4=6 obvs

re make up, do you have good skin

I was berated by a friend for 'drug store makeup' but I really like garnier BB cream, it's the only one I can wear without breaking out or getting a reaction.

exfoliate sometimes

erm I also realy like salt body scrubs when I remember which is never these days

I personally would stick with plain plain plain tops, or smarter tops - make me feel more together - and I hate wearing jeans, chino - type trousers are better for me, or a plain fittedish top and a skirt

burnishedsilver Fri 02-May-14 23:22:11

Get the Couch to 5k app or read Run fat Bitch Run.
Jogging literally changed my life, my style and my confidence.

cece Fri 02-May-14 23:25:07

I agree running changed my life too. I was there are 45 and 5 stone overweight too. 2 years on I am completely different. All pretty much down to running.

TheDietStartsTomorrow Fri 02-May-14 23:26:38

Try a new hair cut and colour. An instant pick me up if there was one.

Another advocate for running here. You'll not only look better, you'll feel better too.

Jakadaal Fri 02-May-14 23:49:18

Start with the basics - skin, exfoliate once a week to brighten and think about an eye cream.

Make up- if you like minerals ask for a consultation at the make up counter - usually free of charge and sometimes they will focus on different areas like eyes etc. Bobbi brown is also good for consultations.

Clothes - personal shopper at debenhams or John Lewis or just ask a friend to pick something out for you ... You may be surprisedwink you say you feel good in the monsoon outfit so start with that - is it the colour? The cut? etc

Small things - a manicure is a real treat for me and I always feel a bit more 'finished off' with nice nails.

RonaldMcDonald Sat 03-May-14 00:50:26


There will be plenty of other people there faking it too, in the middle of crises
Some thinking I wish I looked as good/seemed as great as Kansas

You have a lovely outfit
Are moving toward goals you have set
Are dickying yourself up
Have nice slap that suits you.

Focus on the lovely positive stuff and have a great day

netty36 Sat 03-May-14 04:02:00

I hit 40 this year and jogging/walking has helped me regain control and awareness of my body. Its also helped my mood.
I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to look a certain way, that we can become way too down on ourselves. I bet you will look fab in your outfit, just relax and enjoy the day. But I would highly recommend the couch to really does shift the weight, tone the body and clear the mind. Oh and Ive started juicing too. One mega mega healthy juice a day including kale, spinach, apple, pear, ginger and celery and cucumber, beats taking a multi vit and makes a massive difference to your skin and stops me bloating.

MrsEboJones76 Sat 03-May-14 06:11:58

Yes to jogging / running. 3 years ago I got back into running. I've lost a couple of stone taking me from a 10/12 to a 6/8. My overall health and I fitness is better and emotionally I feel better.
Agree about finding a style that you like and sticking to it. I largely wear jeans / chinos with a stripe top or a pretty blouse. I think scarves, necklaces, bracelets or watches can add interest.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Sat 03-May-14 06:43:37

Those of you recommending running, how far do you go and how often?

thanks Hope you can have a nice day OP

netty36 Sat 03-May-14 07:04:02

I go every day and do 5km but I started off walking/jogging this distance.... You will feel wonderful but follow a plan don't try to do too much too soon.

I think walking is best.

No need to get changed, just pull on wellies/boots and go!

Clears the mind as well, somehow, and good for your skin and general circulation.

Your clothes sound not bad at all, I wear simple dresses too and feel nice in them.

NearTheWindymill Sat 03-May-14 07:40:26

I second what everyone else has said. You sound lovely and I'm sure will look lovely today. I hope you have a very nice time at the wedding.

Maisie0 Sat 03-May-14 11:57:40

If you want me to check out your body shape and get you wearing the right clothes for now until you lose more weight before you re-buy, then I can do that for you.

I'm on a roll today. I'm rehauling my own wardrobe, and can do the same thing for you as I am doing for myself, if it helps.


cece Sat 03-May-14 12:04:52

when I started I did run/walk for 30 mins at time. Three times a week. I followed the couch 2 5 k. Two years I and I still run three times a week but do between 4 and 7 miles each time.

Hopefully Sat 03-May-14 13:42:16

I'm a bit younger, but have gone through the 'OMG I'm so frumpy' a few weeks/months after giving birth to each DC. Top saviours for me were:

- eyebrow pencil (doesn't need to be scary drawn on brows, just makes your whole face look more groomed without being made up. Start with a really light touch).
- getting my colours and style analysed with House of Colour (am now a consultant with them, so you might want to wait for someone else to recommend that before taking my word for it!)
- running, as everyone else has said - I did couch to 5k with an app on my phone.
- searching really hard for clothes that suit my colours, style, budget and lifestyle. I know that whatever gets bought will be worn as I am basically bone idle when I get dressed in the morning, so making sure my clothes are right for me at the point I buy them makes a massive difference. I never compromise on what I want because it is on offer or whatever (and I'm not saying I buy all designer - I have some expensive stuff but tons of H&M and topshop).

AppleHEAD Sat 03-May-14 14:28:11

Poor you I think loads of us are in the same boat. I need to lose about two stone and do some exercise. I'm good on make up, mostly because without it I look quite scary/ill/mad.
I think do one thing, eat more veg and try and walk a bit more.
Good luck I'm sure there are loads of fabulous things about you. X

MissMillament Sat 03-May-14 14:39:40

I'm in the same boat. I had been colouring my hair at home, but two weeks ago I got a really good haircut and highlights. It is unbelievable how many people at work have commented on how good it looks - literally dozens. I have started wearing a bit of make up to work now which I used not to bother with. I think the one thing I will make sure I do from now on is the regular colour and cut - worth skimping on other things for I have now decided.

mamijacacalys Sat 03-May-14 14:47:44

30 day shred.
Best £5 spent probably ever.
I don't believe in diets and weighing but doing the shred since January and almost cutting out all booze (still have one or two glasses at the weekend as a little treat!) has resulted in me dropping 2 dress sizes.
As I said I don't do scales so don't know what weight I have lost, just know that I feel much better, and that is more important to me than what I actually look like.
HTH thanks

Maisie0 Sat 03-May-14 14:51:15

I would also recommend these new BB or CC creams, and try not to use as much bare essential powder alone. As it can set into the pores. Which is what I used to do too. I have since revised my actual routine, and is about to throw away anything which is no longer nourishing to my skin. Try and do that too ? You need to look after your skin, and have decent easy to use stuff. At least it makes things easy, and not confuse you. I used to grab and go, and I grab the wrong things.

Be gentle with yourself.

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