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Lost the plot with sense of style!

(15 Posts)
Serendipitous80 Wed 05-Feb-14 21:05:51

Hi, I'm 33 and recently had a baby. My weight is how it was so it's not about that really, I just have no idea what to wear these days. I used to love clothes but over the last few years I'm not sure what is right for me! I feel old even though I'm assured I don't look it. Now I've had a baby I'm even more confused! I'm even unsure about make up, despite always having loved it. I do just bought some lovely make-up and thought this might help, but I still look the same unfortunately haha!

I sound really vain but actually have very poor self-esteem and don't think it's normal to have lost my sense if identity at this age! Does anyone else feel this way?

peasandlove Thu 06-Feb-14 07:54:59

what sort of clothes did you wear pre-baby? becoming a mum does change the way you dress as you're thinking practically rather than fashion. I lived in jeans and boots or trainers. You also become someone's mother rather than just 'you'. Can you order a few things online and try them just to give you a small boost?

nilbyname Thu 06-Feb-14 08:06:20

What did you wear before baby?
Who are your style crushes?
What are you wearing now?

What do you do most days?
What size colouring are you?

I work 3 days a week and on those days I wear shift dresses or skinny tailored trousers with a smart jumper/shirt under and a loose b/f blazer. I have a selection of colours so I can mix and match. I usually team with wedge shoe boots or short ankle boots.

On my "mummy" days I wear skinny jeans, vest top, l/s stop- maybe a boxy breton stripe, a dropped hem jumper, sweatshirt, maybe a statement necklace to jazz it up. Biker boots or converse or cowboyesque ankle boots with my Barbour or leather biker jacket and a bog scarf. I have a lovely brown leather across the body bag and ray bans. I sort of feel like its a uniform, but it works.

I have heaps of scarves, necklaces, shoes/boots and jackets so I feel like I can change my look easily. I have lots of colours of the same sort of things too, but tend to wear mostly navy, grey, blue, green with yellow, tan or orange.

Zara, Warehouse, Uniqulo, TK Maxx, All Saints, Top Shop, H and M and Primark are where I like to shop.

I like www.whatiboughttoday.com and
wearingittoday.blogspot.co.uk
for inspiration and Pinterest gives me ideas of how to keep my look fresh.

nilbyname Thu 06-Feb-14 08:07:42

I'm 37 btw. Have a 5 yo DS and a 2 yo DD.

scuse the typos up there! Bog scarf? Big!

vitaminC Thu 06-Feb-14 08:47:36

I totally understand. It's not the actual clothes or make-up that are wrong - it's you struggling to find your new identity after a big lifestyle change.

I left a corporate career 5 years ago to become a mature student and train for a new career, but I still miss wearing my city wear. I sold a lot on e-bay at the time, but have actually recently bought more, because I missed it so much, despite having no need whatsoever to wear it!

None of my other clothes felt right either, though, and I found myself feeling really unattractive and in a big style rut, for a long time. I felt ugly and frumpy and invisible in non-business attire and it was terrible for my self-esteem, despite being happy with my career change and my new professional life.

It's only very recently that I've realised what elements of my old style I was missing most, so that I could incorporate them into a style more compatible with my new lifestyle.

[[http://www.thechicfashionista.com/personal-fashion-style.html This site] was a huge help to me. Once I'd figured out I was a dramatic classic, I was able to find the right balance by using colour and fabrics instead of just the style and cut of my clothes.

I still have trouble dressing down and don't really do "casual" very well at all, but I'm starting to find my own version of casual and I finally feel like me again and enjoy getting dressed smile

FrugalFashionista Thu 06-Feb-14 09:08:22

Hi Vitamin, I have had the same problem, I'm a formal dresser by nature and a dramatic classic in those questionnaires. I feel at my absolute best in a suit Chanel type please, with heaps of pearls I also deeply disliked matenity/SAHM dressing. I'm not a huge fan of LA casual, it looks all wrong on me. For me, borrowing some items from menswear (men's shirts in oxford and chambray, desert boots, loafers) has given my casual dressing some structure. I also love the sweatshirt trend, the length is just right for my proportions (nothing looks more awkward on me than baggy tunic) and the fabrics are more structured than the average flimsy viscose or semi see-through t shirt material that are nowadays marketed for women. Clean-lined dresses work too. I love medium weight or heavyweight fabrics (heavy jersey, denim, gabardine, boucle, tweed), they give my outfits structure.

OP losing the plot after babies is normal and happens to most of us. It took me several years to adapt a new lifestyle. Take it slow, see what your peers are wearing, consider a color/style analysis or using a personal shopper at a department store. Things will change for better when your children grow, mine are 4 and 6 now and I'm back to my old style now, with a wardrobe that is much more adapted to my day-to-day lifestyle.

vitaminC Thu 06-Feb-14 09:09:35

Oops, link fail! www.thechicfashionista.com/personal-fashion-style.html

vitaminC Thu 06-Feb-14 09:15:20

That's reassuring to know I'm not alone, Frugal!

After wasting a fortune on jeans that other people told me looked good, but which always felt wrong, I've finally given up on them and wear mainly solid dresses and pencile skirts. I do still have a few pairs of (very dressy) trousers that I can't bear to part with, but I rarely wear them.

Dressing down for me now means a knee-length denim skirt, opaques and boots with my silk blouse or cashmere jumper grin

FrugalFashionista Thu 06-Feb-14 09:18:25

Oh and my outfit today - light blue star-print boyfriend jeans, slate blue suede desert boots (rubber crepe soles with lamb fleece insoles), a vanilla ice cream colored quilted sweatshirt with a white vest underneath and a silver chain bracelet. Plus a water-repellent camo print long parka or a winter white longline biker coat made from wool boucle and tweed if I go out.

FrugalFashionista Thu 06-Feb-14 09:27:52

Vitamin in a perfect world I would wear an ivory silk blouse with a cascade of pearls, Katherine Hepburn trousers in light salt and pepper wool and Church oxford shoes wink But at home today and this is how I incorporate my favorite materials, colors and textures into my lifestyle.

Love a good pencil dress though... For me a short skirt, cut from heavy high-quality jersey, 10 cm above my knee, or a sleeveless shift dress from similar material, is the most effortless thing ever grin

FrugalFashionista Thu 06-Feb-14 09:29:51

Sorry meant pencil skirt of course <ADHD>

vitaminC Thu 06-Feb-14 10:06:08

Hehe. I think we're style twins!
Except the shoes... I'm French so it has to be patent stillettos for me wink

nilbyname Thu 06-Feb-14 11:42:32

i think I am a natural with bits of urban/trendy thrown in.

Cool site.

Serendipitous80 Thu 06-Feb-14 11:55:15

Thanks for the replies, it's good to get some advice.ill check out the websites suggested as well when I get more time today.

I don't know how you link people who've commented on my message, I'm afraid. Peasandlove- i wore a lot of skinny jeans and plains tops and jumpers and dresses etc for work. I also wore more heels, and a bit more jewellery. I don't wear these so much now that I'm running around after a baby and walking most places.

A few years ago I realised I was wearing too little and too much make-up! So I pared it down a little and I think this is where I got a bit lost. Pregnancy just magnified it massively! I seemed to dress okay when I was pregnant and I fitted into a lot of my normal clothes for a long time. I've chucked them all out now as they were depressing me. I've been through my wardrobe and I've got rid of things which look overly worn, outdated or just plain awful! So I'm left with very little now! I've bought few decent quality plain jumpers in different colours and a pair of jeans and some plain black ankle boots. I bought a lovely couple of more fashionable jumpers the other day which I actually like. I don't have a great deal of money, as we are on one wage now and a lot of this goes on general bills and clothing our daughter. Before I had a disposable income.

Nilbyname - I'm about a size 10, maybe a but under now. I'm about half a stone lighter than I used to be so chucked other clothes for that reason also.

I've got brown hair with a few highlights and I'm above average height, I'm pale right now but tan easily.

I like the casual clothes Jessica Alba wears, but I don't really look into what most of them wear, to be honest. I think I am all consumed by my child haha.

Most days I am home with the baby. I don't really have anywhere exciting to go and I'm not going back to work. My husband works and I know a couple of people around here and go to a group per week, but that is about all. I still try and make an effort, but that's also hard sometimes and I feel guilty that my baby needs my attention!

Frugal fashionista- it's good to know it doesn't last forever and my style will hopefully improve ;) I think you are right in that it is my identity rather that is the major problem.

Serendipitous80 Fri 21-Feb-14 21:01:13

Well I've had some highlights and bought a few basicsitems of clothing, as well as a few more fashionable items. Definitely feeling a bit better. I'm going to have a little shopping trip next week and try and find an item or two I really love smile

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