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I'm scared of people seeing the new me

(64 Posts)
NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 22:42:43

Have you reinvented your fashion style and how did people react? After my DC I gained weight and became a little frumpy looking. I have had a big shopping spree over the sales and have bought quite a lot, enough to ditch my frumpy clothes and reinvent my style a bit.
I will be doing the school run for the first time tomorrow and I'm a little terrified of the other mums seeing me in totally new outfits, scared they will think I am making a fool of myself.

NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 23:36:07

I'm going to go upstairs and plan my outfit for morning, make sure it is something that I can feel good in. I need to find some confidence, wonder where the hell it went? I did had some once.

cardamomginger Mon 06-Jan-14 00:06:00

I've had a lot of ill health and major surgery since having DD 3 and a bit years ago. For much of the last 3 years I have felt like shit with zero self-confidence and, although I haven't necessarily looked ill as such, I've felt that I looked pretty rough. It's been a really black period for me, but little by little I started making changes and it's really helped me feel better about myself and more confident. To start with I decided I was going to wear perfume every day. Then it was ditching the tracksuits. Then getting skin care sorted (that made a huge difference!). Then a new hair cut and making sure my roots didn't show. I've been well enough to exercise for about 6 months now, and that has also made a big difference to the way I experience and view my body (and to how it looks - I have a defined upper body - bloody hell!!). I'm now wearing clothes which make me look good and which I feel confident in and am following the MN 'rule' of not saving things for best. My resolution for 2014 is make-up every day.

Sometimes it's big steps and sometimes it's little steps. Anyone who knocks you back isn't worth bothering with.

peacefuleasyfeeling Mon 06-Jan-14 00:22:04

Hi there, Nordic, and well done you, I'm sure you're positively sizzling! Does " Jante lag " and " Du ska inte tro att du är nåt... " ring any bells, by any chance (ideas which effectively put people in their place in Scandi-land; who do you think you are / don't get too big for your boots kind of thing, but really insiduous and pervasive in the north where I'm from and making this kind of thing potentially problematic...) ? I'm so pleased on your behalf, it sounds like you are now where I'm hoping to be after the summer sales perhaps smile. Although I hear your worry I would urge you to take heart from all these lovely posts and enjoy your school run tomorrow, knowing how nice you look! Hurrah!

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 00:38:23

Thanks for all these comments, they really help.

I've put together an outfit for tomorrow with the new things that I feel best in. DH thinks it's good, I've given myself a talking to and I'm practicing my breezy responses to any comments I may get.

I'm expecting comments on my weight because without all the baggy stuff I look like I've lost weight even though I haven't in ages.
Hopefully people will just talk about Christmas and what they did.

helzapoppin2 Mon 06-Jan-14 08:42:37

Go for it! I love to see people trying out a new image. All power to you!

TheBuskersDog Mon 06-Jan-14 09:07:33

If you are self-conscious about looking very different from how people are used to seeing you make the transition gradual, if you are usually in a baggy jumper and jeans start off with a 'better' version, well fitting clothes and a bit of make-up, a sort of scrubbed up version of the old you. Then you can introduce different looks, people will soon get used to you varying your look and won't comment, unless hopefully to compliment you.

In my experience, at work and as a mum at school, there are some of us who wear lots of different things and people just seem to say when they think you look nice or like a particular item, then there are some people who wear the same things day in day out and others make a big deal of it if they wear something different, which can lead to them being too self-conscious to change their look. Others will soon get used to you being someone who dresses in different ways and won't feel a need to make a big fuss because you wear a dress or whatever.

BloooCowWonders Mon 06-Jan-14 09:10:38

Not sure where you are, but round here all I'd see would be long coat, boots and probably a hat! I wouldn't have a clue what's under all the outer layers!

Def agree with taking it gradually if you're not feeling so confident.

purrforagoodkip Mon 06-Jan-14 09:23:09

Has the school run happened yet? Did you survive without your body armour of baggy clothes to hide away in? I'm really really hoping that you felt awesome, and comfortable. A few months ago I wore leggings and a pretty jumper to a baby group, with full make up, and I half expected someone to pull me aside and say, 'now, listen, I can see what you're trying to achieve, but you're embarrassing yourself, stick to the baggy jeans and hoodies, ok?' no one did and I felt really good all day.

FergusSingsTheBlues Mon 06-Jan-14 09:23:30

Once, a few years ago, I lost seven stone ... As you can imagine I was unrecognisable, but it was great discovering a new style etc and all the comments I had were positive (although there were a few mutterings about anorexia, but that was understandable given i lost all that weight in six months).

By and large the comments were very positive and my self esteem went through the ain't all bad. I think most people are pleased to see others transform themselves. And the payoff in terms of confidence is worth it even if you get the odd barb.

ToniViolin Mon 06-Jan-14 09:30:49

Please don't lose heart in this before you even get started OP. It sounds fantastic that you have turned things round for yourself.

I don't understand the motivations of such horrid people One sad

Most people are nice. They are.

I'm sure you look fab OP smile

I wore lipstick on the school run and I got 'Ooooh have you got a boyfriend' grin so I definitely think that the key is to let people get used to you x

Chewbecca Mon 06-Jan-14 09:35:46

Oh, I do sometimes comment sometimes on people's changing appearance. One mum at school has starting exercising and lost weight and is clearly shopping lots.
I have regularly said 'you look fab' or 'love the top, is it new' etc.

It is meant purely to acknowledge the effort put in and admire her.

I hope it went well this morning.

Snowdown Mon 06-Jan-14 10:01:50

I live in a very conservative town but I'm naturally drawn to the edgy, I think my style unnerves people slightly, it did before children and then I lost my way and dressed like all the others in frumpy mumsville. I lost 2 stone and on returning to the real me, I felt the dread too, I hated people commenting on my appearance, often in a really over the top way, I just find it quite embarrassing. I got a lot of - "wow, don't you look very dressed up - where are you going?" Which I worried actually meant "a bit much for the school run" but they eventually got used to the new me and the comments became less frequent and tbh I just got used to hearing them again.

And despite the comments I feel so much better about myself and I love the clothes I wear, what other people think doesn't matter so much anymore. So be brave and be you!

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 10:23:04

Thought I'd come back to update. It was ok, no one laughed, so relieved.

A few mums did that thing where they look you up and down and you feel an inch high, a few more said comments like 'you look good' and most just asked about my Christmas thankfully. Another mum had a new handbag and coat so I complimented her on them to draw attention away from me cunning plan

Snow "I live in a very conservative town but I'm naturally drawn to the edgy, I think my style unnerves people slightly, it did before children and then I lost my way and dressed like all the others in frumpy mumsville. I lost 2 stone and on returning to the real me"
That could be me talking, I used to be a bit more edgy and then went all frumpy and didn't feel myself at all. Now I've lost all the weight I want to go back to being me again.

I need to try to find some confidence though, because this morning was harder than it should have been, its only clothes ffs!

So thats it now, no going back. I need to find the courage to bag up all my dreary baggy clothes, take them to the charity shop and embrace the new me grin

Chewbecca Mon 06-Jan-14 10:26:32

Brilliant, can only get easier now. Get rid of those old clothes now the children are back in school!

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 10:30:39

The next scary thing will be letting my family see me in my new style. They are the say it as they see it type and usually hold nothing back.

My family can be a bit mean in the name of being funny, they think it is gentle ribbing but really I'm always the butt of the joke, it stopped being funny a long time ago.

Christ, I need to shut up moaning, this is S&B not relationships!

cloudskitchen Mon 06-Jan-14 10:37:33

Nordic I haven't read through all the comments but quite frankly who cares what the others at the school gate think. The positive comments will come from the people who are genuinely pleased for you. The negative from the green eyed monsters that would so like to reinvent themselves but don't know where to start. Go in with head held high like its any other day and rock your new look grin

cloudskitchen Mon 06-Jan-14 10:40:20

Sorry I should have read the end of the post first blush as for your family, if they have a habit of talking to you this way hmm then don't take it seriously. If you are happy with your new look that's really all that matters.

JimmyCorkhill Mon 06-Jan-14 11:02:20

I'm so glad it went well for you smile

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have become very frumpy since being pregnant with and having DD2. People have only seen me do the pre school runs with DD1 pregnant or in the newborn stage, make up free, rubbish clothes and hair scraped back. I'm now at the stage where I can make much more of an effort with my look but I'm really self conscious because they've only ever known the frumpy version of me.

I am really cross with myself because I'm a SAHM and can wear whatever I want, have my hair however I want, get multiple piercings if I want I don't! as there is no dress code...but I remain the same old boring me.

I think it's perfectionism. If I look like a scruff they know I have made no effort but if I dress better and they don't like it, then I have made an effort and got it wrong blush It's so silly.

There is a mum at preschool who started wearing red lipstick before Christmas and, yes, I did notice. But I thought good on her. She looks great. I must start making more of an effort myself.

Thank you OP, you have given me some confidence. It's also reassuring to know that I am not the only person to feel this way.

Snowdown Mon 06-Jan-14 11:06:51

I think wearing a bit of make up is a great way to start the exit of the frump. Not too big of an spurs you on....and leads you gently into the change from moth to butterfly.

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 11:09:32

Jimmy Your post really connected with me. Facing the people who have only ever known the frumpy version of me is the hardest, you're right.

And this bit you described is exactly how I feel, like I'd be failing.
"If I look like a scruff they know I have made no effort but if I dress better and they don't like it, then I have made an effort and got it wrong"

Lambzig Mon 06-Jan-14 11:25:28

Please remember if anyone makes nasty comments it's because they are jealous or feel insecure themselves.

Someone I worked with who had always been a bit of a slightly mumsy dresser, suddenly came into work with a whole new, much younger look. I told her she looked amazing (she did), but must confess to feeling a bit envious. It did kick start me to lose some weight and get some new clothes myself, so maybe you will inspire someone else's makeover.

SecretLimonadeDrinker Mon 06-Jan-14 11:41:19

Well done lovely, I'm glad it went well, ignore any negative comments, says more about them then it does about you.

I'm currently work in progress but do feel the urge to hide away from comments/looks bil gf is a master at this and she is v insecure about her appearance, still upsets me far more then it should.

Great idea to get rid of anything that doesnt make you feel good, you sound fab and glad your new image reflects this.

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 11:46:55

I'm meant to be doing some work today, but actually spent all morning finding some fashion blogs to give me some inspiration. Quite hard to find!

StyleOverSubstance Mon 06-Jan-14 14:52:23

Think it depends on who you are with - for people I have met since having children, eg playgroup mum friends, school playground friends it would feel more difficult because they didn't know the old me, so I would definitely feel more self conscious around them as for them it would be more of an obvious change from how they are used to seeing me.

For other people, family or long-standing friends from pre children, less of a problem as they would just see me going back to how I was before I had a family and had more time/money to spend on myself.

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 15:40:30

Just done the school pick up and had one 'you look different' which was said with a sort of bemused face, and one genuine sounding 'you look lovely, did you get some clothes over Xmas?'

So that's it done, they've seen me now, they world didn't end grin

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