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Garlic's flat arse

(70 Posts)
garlicbutter Sat 02-Nov-13 15:39:16

My arse has fallen down overnight! I swear it was bum-shaped yesterday. Today it's merged into my thighs. Most alarming grin

I'm no fan of 'programmes', as some of you will know, and am too ill to do proper exercise (long-term, not flu.) But I can do a set of back-kicks once or twice a day. And start a thread, so I feel obliged to keep it going!

Everything else went south years ago. My backside is was all I have left.

squoosh Thu 14-Nov-13 11:37:15

I am going to attempt the 30 day squat challenge, my arse isn't happy about it but I've told it that it doesn't have a choice in the matter.

herbaceous Thu 14-Nov-13 10:39:56

Watching with interest. Apparently 'gluteal amnesia' is a thing, causing much sagging and flattening.

To make my arse remember what it's there for, I've discovered that walking up stairs standing as straight as possible engages those forgetful glutes, and has caused mild uplift.

FergusSingsTheBlues Thu 14-Nov-13 08:25:27

Arsercise works!

Can I just point out....exactly a week after I was on ere moaning about my arse..... Dh told me that it was suddenly v pert! Results already!..anybody else?

garlicbutter Thu 07-Nov-13 18:56:52

grin A DVD??

gaggiagirl Thu 07-Nov-13 18:40:44

ARSERCISE!!!!!!!! grin just nearly weed myself laughing.

That's a great word, a word that must be spread!

garlicbutter Thu 07-Nov-13 18:36:14

In a fresh approach (already!), I'm trying one minute of arsercise at a time, hopefully ten times a day ... Have done all of 3 sets so far. Well, it's three minutes more than I was doing!! I've also done 5 mins vacuuming, which isn't exercise but is a problem for me, so I'm giving myself a bronze star for that wink

FergusSingsTheBlues Thu 07-Nov-13 07:40:42

You're very kind but the truth is I'm bit of a munter right now, three stone baby weight to shift, cs overhang that would fail the wine bottle test in front, and an ass that is both huge AND flabby!

I want a 'black ass' !!! One of my mates has the most magnificent high ass and she used to get the same compliment....

Lazysuzanne Wed 06-Nov-13 19:15:37

Fergus, I gotta say you look as if you have good calves!

Lazysuzanne Wed 06-Nov-13 19:14:11

well boobs are different, it is possible (at least in theory) to have a rock hard solid muscle sort of arse, but thats never going to be possible with boobs.
Then again I suppose a woman with small breasts and large pectoral muscles could have solid muscle boobs hmm but then they'd be pecs not bosoms, a bottom is a bottom whether it is bowling ball or jelly.

I wish I had a much bigger behindgrin

garlicbutter Wed 06-Nov-13 19:05:22

I assume so, Suzanne shock

Gaggia, I've given up on the boob sag! Even the pecs of Superman wouldn't hold mine up - though I could probably suspend him in mid-air by wedging him underneath. They're not even that big, just floppy.

I've just been to the shop and was really feeble. Yesterday's extra half-mile wasn't a great idea, despite refreshment stops. I hurt. My bum might have to settle for a couple of half-hearted leg lifts tonight sad

I actually think you've both got very nice bums! Yours is girlish, Gaggia, and Fergus has a womanly rear end. BUT a backside can never be too perky, can it?! Best compliment I ever had was from a big Brixton momma, who was walking behind me when I lived there. "Girl," she said, "You got a black ass!" ... Perhaps you have to live in Brixton to know what an accolade that was (for a white woman) grin I'm not aiming for "black" this time round, I'll be satisfied with an even surface.

gaggiagirl Wed 06-Nov-13 18:30:00

I think that's a fab butt fergus
garlic I love the motivational diagram.

I could hold all of WH smith under my boobs.

Lazysuzanne Wed 06-Nov-13 17:09:09

where abouts exactly is the pencil held in the arse/pencil test, not in the crease under the buttocks surely?

FergusSingsTheBlues Wed 06-Nov-13 14:10:29

Here we go, I like the motivational diagram! My arse can't only just hold a pencil....i tried first with a highlighter! however my saddlebags could hold an entire army of pencil sharpening elves. See exhibit A.

garlicbutter Wed 06-Nov-13 13:23:36

Oh, I've just realised the photos hadn't gone wrong; they made a little slide show! Of my saggy arse, how special.

Thanks, Gaggia, but there's a little too much sponge and sag. I've made myself a motivational diagram grin

gaggiagirl Wed 06-Nov-13 13:04:34

You have got a good butt there garlic!

I don't have enough arse to hold a pencil I wouldn't mind being able to!

Primark have lift and shape jeans they are pretty good and about £12.

garlicbutter Wed 06-Nov-13 12:51:02

grin But you wouldn't be able to ride your gadget, for fear of displacing them!

FergusSingsTheBlues Tue 05-Nov-13 22:57:28

Ten of them would buy me butt implants!

garlicbutter Tue 05-Nov-13 20:21:42

Haha, Fergus, I had to google that! It looks like fun ... I'd rather have a Wii, mind.

For £400, couldn't you buy a real hoss? Or at least a share in one?[ignorant]

FergusSingsTheBlues Tue 05-Nov-13 19:55:23

It should be possible....after all, you'd need to raise it only an inch or so.. Do you know what I secretly reallllly want for Christmas? An I-joy ride thang. Tis a mechanical hoss......

garlicbutter Tue 05-Nov-13 18:10:30

Pencil test? Good grief, Fergus, is it actually possible to have such a high-slung bum that it won't hold a pencil?! [awestruck]

garlicbutter Tue 05-Nov-13 18:06:00

I really don't know what happened there! Can't face uploading my backside in all its shapeless glory again. This'll have to do. Ithaka, I would LOVE a wii fit, but have no money for games kit.

Callan is late (am pretending to be disappointed) so I've just done ten of those donkey kicks each side and am ... working up slowly. I walked an extra half-mile today, too, though I did offset it by stopping for a latte and a beer. Callan would be shocked.

garlicbutter Tue 05-Nov-13 17:59:16

Heh, notyummy! Here's "Sad Sack" by Garlic's Flat Arse wink
I don't see a future for this band, tbh ...

FergusSingsTheBlues Tue 05-Nov-13 16:41:10

I've done 25 leg raises....I want to pass the pencil test by Christmas....(v unlikely)

gaggiagirl Tue 05-Nov-13 12:47:23

I'm going to look into callanetics it sounds do-able.

notyummy Tue 05-Nov-13 10:24:15

Is it just me, or would 'Garlic's Flat Arse' make a good name for an indie rock band ?

Keep going all. Callan can work wonders (if you do am exactly as she says. It is all about technique, control and getting the movement correct.

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