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Sorting Myself Out

(120 Posts)
hedwig06 Tue 29-Oct-13 08:59:20

I am fed up sad

I have 3 wardrobes full of clothes but feel like crap. I keep buying more and more stuff and nothing seems to hang or sit right on me.
I have been on dressipi and have dressipi set up on my ebay account also. I have done an online colour analyzer so I could try to buy the right colours.
But I still feel crap and uncomfortable.

I think its come to a head because I have been invited to a Halloween/40th birthday party on Saturday, I never go out I have been out twice in about 10 years. Its fancy dress ....

I have spent the last month looking for something to wear and have found nothing, I hastily bought this

Its going to look crap I know I feel an idiot and I haven't even tried it on, it will be a sack hanging off me.

I try to look after myself, I use anti wrinkle cream, I do my nails, I keep my eyebrows in trim, its the rest of me that looks like crap.

Dressipi puts me in clingy clothes, which I wouldn't wear in a million years, every bloody pair of jeans/jeggings I own and I own loads as I keep buying them to find a decent pair shows my bum or keeps rolling/sliding down, so I hoiking them up all the time.

Can you stylish people give me some tips on feeling better about yourself and dressing well - I would most appreciate it.

pantsjustpants Tue 29-Oct-13 13:39:55

I've just gone from a size 16/18 to a 12, and it's confidence. I'm struggling at the moment, so I feel your pain. I don't know what suits me anymore!

Can I just say that there's a difference between fitted/clingy and too small/clingy. I've just learnt this!! The black Top Shop dress linked to earlier, would be lovely. You can vamp or witch it up, get a great wig!

I'm thinking (if I can pluck up the nerve!) of going to personal shopper in Debenhams. As long as I don't have to buy the things suggested. I just want some ideas! Or even a childfree day on my own or with dh to try loads of stuff on....

hedwig06 Tue 29-Oct-13 13:53:51

pants congratulations on your weight loss xxx

I would love to do a personal shopper day, but I don't think I've got the confidence yet, I know Oasis do one too, which I would love as I like most of their things.

I think the dress Remus linked too is really lovely, but I'm not sure if I could wear it tbh. I would be pulling it away from my stomach and bum all the time.

I am at home this week with the DC, (half term), so I'm thinking of having a major sort out and trying to put outfits together in the wardrobe, but I have this stupid thing where I think everyone's looking at me if I wear something "out of the norm". I.e, not jeans and a t-shirt.

Ridiculous really as people are far too busy to be looking at me

I have a pinterest board, which I have just started to add more to if anyone wants to give there opinion on what I have bought - I don't mind if you don't like, I need a kick up the bum smile

SthingMustBeScaringThemAway Tue 29-Oct-13 14:04:30

OP You've asked for ideas for sorting yourself out but actually you are answering your own question.

What on earth does Dressipi know about your feeling that you are the wrong size for clothes? Or that your Dh has noticed your (hopefully temporary) slump in confidence? I am sorry to repeat myself but you need to forget EBay.

Do you not know anyone (other than your Dh) who might go with you to browse in some new shops?

hedwig06 Tue 29-Oct-13 14:13:08

Sthing I don't I'm afraid, I think that's why I just but something because I like it and its pretty, rather than trying it on and thinking does it look good and go with something I already have.

I don't ever try anything on in the shops.

HelloBoys Tue 29-Oct-13 14:19:44

here is the print I bought - they don't show the top - the top was long sleeved but with a sort of dropped hem and it had a light jersey back, got it about 2-3 weeks ago so may be in a store, department etc.

hedwig06 Tue 29-Oct-13 14:22:43

hello its lovely, I do like that, especially with the black as on the model.

Shame someone doesn't do dress up models on their site which you can change to your specifications, it would give us all a more realistic idea of how the item would look on us.

SthingMustBeScaringThemAway Tue 29-Oct-13 14:22:46

Sorry , only half a thought. Your Pinterest board looks perfectly fine but what I was going to say was that it might be helpful to allow a little randomness into your strategy.... If you find just one thing that makes you feel amazing it can really help your confidence. And you're more likely to do that in a real shop rather than on a screen.

It's not easy I know, if you feel that you might be judged for stepping out of your normal dressing habits.

SthingMustBeScaringThemAway Tue 29-Oct-13 14:26:20

X posted. Slow typing and crossings out because I keep sounding negative when I really want to help.

Why can't / won't you try things on in shops. (I mean is it a "real" reason which you may not want to set down here - or just stubborn refusal to .......engage?)

Hopefully Tue 29-Oct-13 14:26:23

I know you've said you wouldn't have the confidence for a personal shopper, but would having a RL colour and style analysis help? I'm biased (I'm an image consultant) but I was so low in confidence when I first had my colours done and it really gave me the information to shop confidently (and to realise why I felt crap in 99% of high st clothes - I have unusual colouring and an unusual style). I have had clients who are at rock bottom in terms of self confidence, but because they can see and understand what I'm doing rather than me just saying 'go and buy x y and z clothes' they have the confidence to go and do it after seeing me.

I know that sounds like a complete sales pitch, but I really recognise myself five years ago in your post! Best of luck with it smile

HelloBoys Tue 29-Oct-13 14:36:59

the jacket I'm not sure about. I got it for an event but then realised I like the print and colour and can dress with black or dark blue skinny jeans etc.

also would look nice with nice jacket on top. that is what I am TRYING to do more only as I was a bit like you, buy lots and then stuff in wardrobe (though my case dresses) that I didn't like etc.

also sometimes I go for styles that are not me and then they get donated. it is a very good idea either with stylist or yourself to get a sense of what suits you and what you like and look good in.

HelloBoys Tue 29-Oct-13 14:38:34

SThingmust - in shops it can sometimes be daunting I know what OP means.

for this reason but mostly for speed I buy and try on at home (if I know I can get a refund).

btw OP like a few items on your Pinterest board - the pink sweater etc.

Maybe you should follow some bloggers (fashion) as they have good ideas.

pantsjustpants Tue 29-Oct-13 16:44:52

hedwig you're not in Hampshire by any chance are you??? I'd love a shopping buddy.....

I think the dress would look great on you, what about some "suck it all in" knickers?? Would that help?

I'm now trying to wear things outside of my comfort zone i.e. not black all the time. So today I have some wine coloured skinnies on. Not convinced. I struggled with what to wear on top, and on my feet. Not sure I'll wear them again! Dh, on the other hand, said it was nice to see me in something else. I got them from a friend, so at least it was a cheap mistake wink.

MerryMarigold Tue 29-Oct-13 16:48:17

Sorry, the ebay thing may not be a good idea for you. I do like to try on too (in proper changing rooms that have individual booths). It's amazing how many things you can try on which look awful on you, and then one thing, which you didn't think was that great, actually looks amazing on. In the summer I tried on a range of dresses for a wedding in my size and some were huge and some were really too tight. I couldn't believe they were all sized the same (it was a department store so they were different brands).

I always try on for an event. The jeans was just a lucky punt, really. Have occasionally bought on ebay and generally don't wear the stuff!

MerryMarigold Tue 29-Oct-13 16:49:16

Oh, and do also agree with finding one thing you LOVE and then working round it.

GeorginaWorsley Tue 29-Oct-13 16:59:46

I know the 'too many clothes but nothing to wear' feeling well.
However I wnder if you would be better moving up a notch so to speak shop wise.
I love a bargain but I have realised that the things I feel best in,in the main,are the more quality items in my wardrobe.
I'm not talking designer here,just perhaps moving from Dorothy Perkins/new look/asda to the likes of Mint Velvet,Phase Eight,Whistles,jigsaw etc occasionally.
Obviously more expensive ,but better one thing you love than three you don't.
Plus search out more upmarket brands on eBay too.

Oblomov Tue 29-Oct-13 17:04:43

I struggle to find clothes. I know what I want but can't find it. I too think that eBay is probably not for you ATM.

peasypeeler Tue 29-Oct-13 18:06:35

I can't buy anything online because I have to try things on. I'm an hourglass shape and hate anything clingy but I'm learning that my style is neat and tidy so I'm looking for fitted rather than clingy stuff - there is a difference.

I really echo the thoughts about ebay I think you're in a bit of a clothing spiral and it's only going to get worse if you keep adding to your wardrobes without trying things on.

I pretty much chucked out everything and started again. You already have a few things you like so wear them the next time you go shopping and try on other things with them and only buy things that you love.

Buy a book from amazon called Frumpy to Fabulous 'Flaunting It' by Natalie Jobity. I bought the kindle version and it's brilliant. Can't recommend it highly enough.

Fuckitthatlldo Tue 29-Oct-13 18:37:18

I honestly think buying clothes online is a mistake, unless you are very organised and ruthless about sending things back which don't fit/suit.

You need to try clothes on. Sample sizes are just that - sample sizes. We women come in all different shapes - two sample size 14 women could still look completely different in exactly the same outfit.

If you are having trouble finding jeans that fit, might I suggest Levi Curves? They are cut to fit different shapes, aswell as different sizes, and I really rate them. But again, you need to try on.

I would also suggest a major sort out. Nobody needs three wardrobes full of clothes. Have a trying on session and ebay things you know you won't wear. Use the money to go towards new things you do like.

Have a look at style blogs for inspiration too. I love The Sartorialist. Link here:

hedwig06 Tue 29-Oct-13 19:10:36

Sthing I don't take it as your being criticizing honestly I need and asked for some advice and I've appreciated everything everyone's took the time to say. As to trying on in shops, I start sweating, rushing the mirrors always make me look crap, I can see every bit of cellulite and lumps and bumps the lighting's really glaring, so I just thought it would be better to take home and try on in comfort - but then I settle for things and never take anything back

Hopefully I just don't think I have the confidence at the moment, I would be pressured into buying things I wasn't comfortable wearing.

Hello I have tried to look for a style blog, but there seems to be a gap in the market, I can find 8/10 size women's blogs and plus size, 20 onwards but there doesn't seem to be any in between?

pants I'm in Birmingham - I would have definitely taken you up on your offer I obviously need someone who would say it as it was to take shopping with me. I also have a pair of wine coloured jeans, (skinny) but I've only worn them in the house smile I think there's a neon sign pointing at me - look, look shes wearing something brighter than black grin

Georgina I have tried to go up a bit in the price I pay and where I shop, I just have this ingrained thing inside me that I need to get as much for my money as possible, my DH keeps taking me into "naice" shops and I look at the price tag and think "nope no way"

Oblomov I am getting the point I think that ebay isn't a good idea at the moment - unless I'm selling things.

peasey I think I'm realizing from everyone's helps that I need to go and try things on and not buy he first thing that actually fits, I need to have a feel for the cut and fit - I'm not sure how to do that, I think its from experience?? I'll have a look for that book, I too have a kindle - thanks for the suggestion.

Fuckit I will take a look at the blog, thank you.

I think that I have realized that just because I'm a size 14 and its lovely to look at not everything I pick up and but - in fact most things I pick up and buy will not and do not suit me.

I don't think I have a "style" tbh, but I would like to feel comfortable in what I wear and not be worrying all the time what everyone's thinking.

My DH has read this thread and is nodding along to most points especially about spending a bit more money on key pieces, but I'm worried that once I spent out a lot of money on an item, how do I know I'm not making an even more expensive mistake?

Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to reply.
I'm off to have a look at some blogs.

SthingMustBeScaringThemAway Tue 29-Oct-13 19:18:52

Dear MrHedwig

I note that you are in Birmingham. Please say if there is a reason why you cannot drag accompany your Dw to Selfridges and Harvey Nichols (Mailbox) this weekend? She will not be buying anything. But you will be encouraging her to be adventurous in trying on lots of beautiful things (most of them out of her price-range. (You will be making notes for Christmas...)

Have a lovely time.

peasypeeler Tue 29-Oct-13 19:19:43

Bless you - and your dear DH! We're all rooting for you xx

I like value for money too and would buy 10 x £5 teeshirts instead of a £50 blazer.

I drive myself nuts grin

hedwig06 Tue 29-Oct-13 19:25:41

Sthing grin He's laughing, he would love that, but I wouldn't I don't think I belong somewhere so posh.

I will definitely be going for a wonder somewhere and not to buy, just to try on, maybe not somewhere like the mailbox though.

peasy thank you x I am a bit of a tightwad smile

Hedwig - I am in Birmingham too, and am far from posh! Selfridges is fine - Whistles is on the very top floor (occasional good bits in the sales) and Warehouse, Oasis and Topshop are on the first floor. Go when it's quiet, if you can, and just try loads on.

Harvey Nichols does nice coffee and cakes, but the clothes are all far too expensive for me - besides, I hate the Mailbox.

SthingMustBeScaringThemAway Tue 29-Oct-13 19:36:43

OP I say this with kindness - you are still missing the point.

There is a disconnect between the idealized things you are looking at on screen and your real life reluctance to make contact with any actual nice clothes.

You appear to be obsessing over model-sizes when you are a perfectly average size and can shop anywhere. I see lots of blogs and it's never, ever occurred to me to consider the dress size of the person writing it. In fact I considered linking some blogs earlier but I think you need some fresh air.... Having said that I would second looking at The Sartorialist - purely because it might persuade you that people can look wonderful in all manner of ways, regardless of there size or shape or imperfections.

Someone with a harder heart than mine might be inclined to suggest that you are spending at least as much energy rejecting routes to well-dressedness (too much money, don't like mirrors, don't want to be noticed, etc, etc) as you might spend silencing your inner critic and diving in.....

hedwig06 Tue 29-Oct-13 19:38:06

Remus I've never been to the mailbox, never even thought of it, I usually shop at the Fort, if you know it. I do like Oasis, but Topshop seems to be for the skinnier people.

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