Can you help me find an outfit?

[MagicLlama]

Im going out at the end of the month for a friends 30th. I really don't want to go but have been encouraged guilt tripped into doing so.
However there will be a group of people there who several years ago made my life hell, and who I haven't seen since.
Id like to find something that makes me feel comfortable and well give myself some confidence. This usually involves jeans and the biggest baggiest top I can find, as I am very conscious of my overweight thighs / stomach.
Oh im 5'4 and size 14/16.
Any ideas?

[SundaySimmons]

First of all, sorry that you had an awful time and people were horrid to you.

However, it sounds as if you are one of those lovely people who give in for the sake of others and don't put yourself first.

Anyone that lays a guilt trip on you, and knows how you feel about the other people, is also bullying you by cajoling you into going.

If you were my friend and I knew you would feel uncomfortable I wouldn't want you to come just for my sake. I'd suggest that me and you go out on another night, together or with other people who are all friendly with you.


Ok, we all have to do things we really don't want to do sometimes, but I get the feeling that you often do stuff you don't want to do and as a result often get picked on because of your affable nature.

Tell her no, you are not going and wish her a great time but say you will meet up on another day and go out for a drink/meal etc.

I would hate, absolutely hate for one of my friends to be put in the position you are in.

Anyway, if you really feel you want to go, well go and buy something fabulous and rise above the horrible people as nice people radiate an inner beauty that those horrible people will never have.

So what kind of budget do you have, my lovely?

[SundaySimmons]

Do you like this

www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/grazia-lace-shoulder-blouse/uc496/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=8402#colour:Black,size:

The detailing is at the shoulders which draws eyes away from tummy and thighs.

In the black colourway, not the blue.

[SundaySimmons]

By the way, you are a similar size to Marilyn Monroe, so please don't put yourself down about your curvy figure.

Do you like this in green

www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/joe-browns-eye-catching-emerald-tunic/uk117/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=8402#colour:Emerald,size:

Again, the eye is drawn upwards because of the pattern.

[SundaySimmons]

Tis would look nice worn over jeans

www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/joe-browns-amazing-arabian-crinkle-tunic/uk105/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=8402#colour:Multi-coloured,size:

[SundaySimmons]

Short sleeved but detail at the neckline

www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/koko-3d-rose-tunic/hc091/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=8316#colour:Black,size:

[SundaySimmons]

This is nice, and the heart print livens it up

www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/glamorosa-kimono-sleeve-tunic-very-voluptuous-h-k/qy054/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=8851#colour:Heart%20Print,size:14

Not sure if you will like the print but the shape looks flattering

www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/joe-browns-flattering-floral-tunic/mj223/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=8479#colour:Red,size:14


No one has the right to belittle you or make you feel bad about yourself.

If anyone is unkind, let your eyes glaze over and pretend you are not really listening and that there is someone or something far more interesting behind them and smile vaguely and move away from nasty person.

You are a grown woman, if you go, you can leave at any time. You do not have to stammer out a reason such as you don't feel well or you have to get up early. You do not have to make excuses. A simply, thank you for inviting me, I'm off now. And leave straight away.

If they talk behind your back, let them. A real friend would understand and never force you to stay.

[SundaySimmons]

This is a selection of tunic tops. I've suggested tunic tops because they tend to flare out under the bust and cover tummy and are long enough to cover tops of thighs.

As I've said before, if you have a top with a pretty neckline or pattern is on shoulders or neckline, this highlights away from stomach and thighs.

You have a choice of long or shorter sleeves.

Lots to choose from or give you ideas

www.yoursclothing.co.uk/C/TunicsLongline_Tops-(74).aspx

[MagicLlama]

Hey Simmons,

Thanks for that. I never really thought of a tunic! But I really like some of those

Its my day off today, so im going to pack the kids off to school and browse.

My confidence is an issue I have massive problems with and have had CBT about, but my coping has always been to avoid issue that upset me rather than deal with them if that makes sense? I mean look I cant even dress myself (sigh)

I like that green tunic though its looks like its a deliberate shape rather then me eating too much comfort food

[SundaySimmons]

Avoiding issues can also be seen as rising above it. Sometimes it really is no good getting into conflict with someone because you are sinking to their level and it really doesn't get you anywhere.

I've found that many people who seek to be mean to others are simply attention seekers and the best way to deal with them is to act completely uninterested in anything you say. They feed off you looking upset or angry, so if you can feign boredom or any lack of emotion when they speak to you, they will have failed and should move on to another person they feel they can victimise.

As you haven't seen these people for some time they may ask what you have been up to. Less is more in what you say. No need to fumble and ramble on about anything that may give them ammo to make sarcastic comments to you. A simple, "I'm great thanks, really enjoying my life."

I gather you used to work with these people, and they still all do, so a confident, "I'm so glad I left such and such a place, i love where I work now". If you don't work then say you love being with children or doing your own thing.

Don't even hint that life isn't a bed of roses!

I found this for you

[SundaySimmons]

Where I have written 'anything you say' it should read as 'anything THEY say'!

[MagicLlama]

Im expecting them not to talk to me tbh. I usually just get completely blanked, and they all stand together in a group chatting. occasionally making loud comments which are designed (and do) to upset me.

Im just planning on going in for one drink, and then running back home. But id like to swan in there looking fabulous (as I know ive put weight on since the last time they saw me, and im sure they'll make some loud comments about it) confidently say hi to friend, have drink and then go.

Budget wise, my mums going to give me £100 towards an outfit, and I can probably put another £50 - £100 towards it, but that's got to do the whole lot, shoes, dress or trousers and top. I've got lots of jewellery, and I was just going to wear my hair in one of those crocodile clip things, and shoe wise I can get some ballet flats from the supermarket

[SundaySimmons]

What a miserable evening. Lovely gesture by your mother but for that money, you and your mother could have a lovely day out together and a meal.

I really don't want you to go! Or take me with you! How dare these people ignore you and make unpleasant comments.

Your friend is no friend either if she expect you to turn up and be treated like his. A real friend would not allow the other group to treat you like that.

I am disgusted by this and I urge you to consider that you only have one life, every single moment of your life is precious and you should spend your precious time with people who care about you and whom you care about.

Please, I'd rather send you £50 then you go out with this bunch of tosses!

You deserve much better than this.

Why put yourself through this, and waste your mother's money as well?


If your so called friend gets the hump because you don't go then she isn't a real friend.

This isn't knocking you, but you are not the guest of honour and it sounds like your friends 30th is about numbers and not a gathering of mutual friends who all want to have a lovely time together.

It's best going to be a bitchfest, and you dear lady are far too good to spend time in their vile company.

[SundaySimmons]

It's going to be a bitchfest, ignore the word best! ^^

[AndTwoBits]

Dont put yourself through that, that sounds like a truly horrible evening. Spend the money on a pamper day for you and your mum instead. Seriously. Life is too short x

[MagicLlama]

Weve been friends for ages, at least 10 years, shes nice, and she usually understands about me not going, and I cancel on her alot, as going out of my front door is a challenge but she really wants me there. Her family and other people will be there as well so its not just her and the nasty bunch. Its just the nasty bunch tend to run interference so everytime I go and speak to someone they come in and sort of distract the conversation, and then rather than stand there like an idiot, ill back off. Its hard to explain.

DF says shes not going to let them do that, and has primed the 3 people there who I know and dont have issues with me to actually stay with me like bodyguards

Ive got these dress already, which i was brought for my cousins wedding a couple of months but never wore. Do you think either of them would be good, as thinking about it spending loads of money on a dress seems daft!

I do want to go though, its not that I dont, its just I wish I didnt care about what people thought of me.

www.newlook.com/shop/womens/dresses/burgundy-lattice-neck-skater-dress-_289975567

www.newlook.com/shop/womens/dresses/teal-strappy-back-swing-dress_296476347?isRecent=true

Trouble is whatever I wear I feel like an idiot quite frankly. I literally wear 3 pairs of jeans and about 10 tops, and I just cycle them round until they fall apart.

[MagicLlama]

God im a mess

[SundaySimmons]

No, you're not a mess. The dresses look nice and you certainly won't look like an idiot in anything you wear. Clothes aren't the be all and end all, and being happy is far more important than a three thousand pound designer dress.

I still think you shouldn't go and should offer to see your friend on her own or with the others that are nice to you.

No one should have to babysit you, it then becomes an us and them situation, possibly feeding the animosity from the other group.