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What age for DD to dye hair?

(34 Posts)
Monstera Fri 21-Jun-13 09:21:55

What age did your DDs start dyeing their hair?

DD is only 11 - off to secondary in September and she has mousy hair that she doesn't like. I can sympathise as it's the same natural colour as mine. I started dyeing at 16 and never stopped. Mine's mostly a couple of shades darker (mid or chocolate brown) but occasionally a redder henna colour.

She really wants to do the same. From a school point of view I can't see any problem or objection to her darkening it a few shades, and adding some gloss and condition at the same time. I'm happy to help her do it, but I don't like the thought of the chemicals on her scalp and it wouldn't be a one-off, it would need doing every few weeks.

Has anyone else had a DD start dyeing hair in Y7? Any tips on safer / milder hair dyes?

AnaisB Fri 21-Jun-13 13:59:23

I agree that whether OP lets her dye her hair or not will have minimal effect on her self esteem. I definitely agree that OPs self-esteem and the behaviours she models will have a big impact on her self-esteem, but I don't think banning her from dying her hair will make her focus any less on her appearance. OP's daughter worry about whether her hair colour is "right" - as she has expressed. Not letting her dye her hair will not change this.

Miss you say her focus should be on settling into year 7, making friends and getting down to all that extra homework, which implies that dying her hair would mean she could not focus on these things.

Well I do think it would make her look emotionally more mature than she is simply because using make up, changing hair colour and wearing certain types of clothes are associated with girls who are a bit older. Do you mean physically she will look more mature than she is emotionally?

If you do dye her OP I'm pretty sure that you can get hypoallergenic dyes (google), as children do have more sensitive skin than adults.

AnaisB Fri 21-Jun-13 14:00:50

Proof read fail, should read:

OP's daughter already worries about whether her hair colour is "right" - as she has expressed. Not letting her dye her hair will not change this.

Monstera Fri 21-Jun-13 14:14:54

This thread has become very philosophical and dragged up all sorts of issues I didn't really intend to get into, but they have been interesting.

Yes I had very serious self esteem issues at school. I don't think my DD is anywhere near being as bad as me (I really hope not) but then she's only 11 and hasn't even started secondary yet so it's probably too early to say.

I've probably over-stressed the feelings on all sides. She expressed a wish to dye her hair, some of her friends (still in Y6) have done so this term. I didn't immediately say no because I like dyeing my hair and I have the attitude that hair grows and dye washes out and it wouldn't do too much harm. On the other hand I do agree with what MissBoPeep and others have said - she's still a child and she shouldn't feel there's anything wrong with her appearance as it is.

I like the argument that she needs to work on the condition of her hair before dyeing it. I think my approach might be that she's not allowed any hair dye for the first term (or year) at secondary. I agree first impressions count - and that applies to teachers and fellow kids.

Also I'd like her to really work on the condition / care of her hair using the argument that it will be healthier if she does then decide to dye it in future, but I do agree with the PP who said well cared for hair looks so much better, and she doesn't always achieve that.

I think a good solution might be a trip to the hairdressers for a nice shaped cut (rather than the mumsnet cut that she usually gets!)

Thanks so much for everyone's input. It's not often I start a thread where there are such varying opinions and yet I agree with all of them on some level!

Missbopeep Fri 21-Jun-13 14:16:55

OP's daughter worry about whether her hair colour is "right" - as she has expressed. Not letting her dye her hair will not change this.

I think that children should be discouraged from behaving like adults.
Dyeing hair is not something that is appropriate IMO for an 11 yr old.

For me, it comes into the same category as too much make up, revealing clothes, high heels and anything else which takes children to premature 'adulthood' or early sexualisation.

As anyone who dyes their hair knows, it's high maintenance. I just don't think an 11 yr old should be spending time on this- emotionally or in a practical way.

I think the answer is ' your hair is fine- you can do what you want with it when you are older, if you still hate it.'

teta Fri 21-Jun-13 14:18:38

No MissBoPeep,i was unable to travel due to pregnancy so dd and dh went on holiday alone.I personally wouldn't have allowed it[actually i was totally horrified].But luckily the dye has always faded to a blond colour within weeks[and her hair has always been long and tied back so pretty unnoticable really].
A lot of girls are already using eye make up/lip gloss in year 7.This is not considered advanced in todays day and age.Many girls at this age do dress in a grown up way and are not considered emotionally mature.I do think op,you are over analysing this[partially due to other commentators].Incidentally MissBopeep my dd had virtually no homework in year 7[in her 'good' state school].So she had plenty of time to settle in,make friends and make herself look pretty[curl her hair etc].We changed schools to one with a very traditional school uniform and lots of homework and dd looks much younger.

Monstera Fri 21-Jun-13 14:31:31

Thanks Teta - yes I have got a bit deep on this thread. Anything to avoid work! I only posted originally to get advice on milder dyes and chemicals etc. I do appreciate all the views though because even if some of us don't feel that strongly about it, clearly other posters do, and therefore other people she will come into contact with - parents, teachers etc might have strong views about it.

fridgepants Tue 25-Jun-13 14:35:02

I would check the school rules, though - my school was very strict regarding dye or haircuts and any visible dye jobs or 'extreme' undercuts led to suspension. Which, incidentally, I thought was ridiculous even at eleven - these weren't kids coming in with green hair or swear words shaved into it. I still remember being in Spanish class when a young lad with an undercut came in in tears to collect his things from his locker, clearly having been suspended.

We were also told that if you dyed your hair before your GCSEs, you wouldn't be allowed to take them with the rest of the class but would need to take them in isolation hmm

I dyed mine the afternoon of my last exam.

Fairyliz Tue 25-Jun-13 20:31:18

To answer your original question I made my daughter wait until she was 16. She then had it bleached from mouse to pale blonde at the hairdressers and kept it up for 18 months.
By that time it was in such bad condition she coloured it back to mouse and concentrated on conditioning it. The damaged bits are still growing out two years later and last week at the age of 19 she asked me why I had let her have it done!

MushiMushi Wed 26-Jun-13 08:52:21

My mum used to occasionally dye her hair with henna from the Body Shop. She had really dark hair and it just gave it a slight reddish tint. She used to always do mine too at the same time, I was probably younger than 11. I suppose it was a sort of bonding session, it's a nice little memory I have of the two of us.

I used to use those shader & toner things too when I was in secondary school, all my friends did.

I dyed my hair bright pink (!) when I was 15.

Incidentally I haven't dyed my hair since then, I'm perfectly happy with the natural shade now. I was just experimenting when I was younger I suppose.

My mum never really wore makeup, and as an adult I don't either. I feel much more confident being 'natural' than caked in makeup and bleached blond, I presume this is something I learned from my mother.

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