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Fuck. I look like a middle aged frump.

(270 Posts)
NumTumDeDum Mon 03-Jun-13 23:50:54

Have just video'd myself discussing cheese (I'm not mental it's for a consumer feedback thing). Anyway, just played it back and to my absolute horror I look rough as a badgers arse, about 10 years older than I am, and like I had a hard life. I'm overweight, and my hair is clearly the wrong colour and style (well actually there doesn't appear to be a style unless you count crap as a style). My clothes are ill fitting and don't suit me.

I have tried to remind myself that I only had a baby 6 months ago and I'm sleep deprived but it's not working.

Just talked to DP mainly to berate him for letting me go out in public and he says he doesn't like what I'm wearing and that it ages me. I have on a pair of awful bootcut jeans from Primark that I bought after birth for the awkward transition from maternity jeans to normal clothes, and a black sort of smock top. A lot of my jeans are cheap bootcuts. I may be stuck in a 90s timewarp (I'm 34). I do have a pair of skinnies in black and dp likes those.

My budget is extremely small as we've only the one income and two DC.

Where do I start?! Help a desperate woman please!

MadBusLady Wed 19-Jun-13 22:08:04

I would say they run a bit large, compared to the likes of say Topshop. They have a lot of stretch. I have a big arse and I can fit into a 29 inch waist. I am NOT a 29 inch waist.

The other thing I should have said is they come in one length, 33 inches, and you have to get it shortened. They do this in store for you if you can get to a store, I think it's about a fiver. I leave it though, I am a 31 inch leg and I like having a little extra to roll up.

howiwonder Thu 20-Jun-13 13:53:04

ha ha num we must be near one another, we are west country bumpkins too!
I dont think of that swimsuit as frumpy hinky i think its very sexy and stylish. i am shuddering at the thought of ever having to wear swimwear again, i suppose that could be considered an upside of having no holidays in the sun planned anytime soon...
my DH loves uniqlo and swears by their mens trousers, they do seem to last for ages. Maybe I should try some for myself, i like the sound of the fit

CounselorTroi Thu 20-Jun-13 18:21:27

M&S bra fitters are EVIL. They put me in a 36D bra. I am in fact a 32E.

fivefoottwowitheyesofblue Sun 23-Jun-13 13:42:39

madbuslady Thanks, have now ordered.

NumTumDeDum Tue 25-Jun-13 21:10:14

Right. Today I've had a little bit of success getting ds to take some expressed milk from a bottle. Feeling positive, the possibility of a well fitted bra a little step closer.

More importantly, I've just ordered The Shred from Amazon and I've found my sports bra.

HandMini Tue 25-Jun-13 22:57:51

Hi frumps, sorry for my absence, been a crazy week here. I've completely let defrumping fall by the way side so am now back on it with a vengeance.

Num - how brilliant, sexy bras will be yours.

NumTumDeDum Wed 26-Jun-13 10:08:00

Morning Hand! Well today I nipped into Peacocks for some shorts. No go. Bad fit on everything I tried on. Then ds voiced his disapproval so still no shorts. Gah can't do shopping with children in tow.

NumTumDeDum Mon 01-Jul-13 00:04:48

I have The Shred and I'm not afraid to use it. I'm lying, that's why it still has cellophane keeping it prisoner.

Going to take the wrapper off tomorrow. I may even work up to putting it in the dvd player by Wednesday.

HelgatheHairy Mon 01-Jul-13 09:31:53

I think I had the Shred 4 months before I even took the wrapper off! I conveniently lost it in the bottom of my wardrobe after buying it. I remember my legs KILLED me the next day.

RainbowBob Mon 01-Jul-13 11:57:47

I am supposed to be shredding. I bought the DVD about ten days ago, it arrived last Wednesday. I had one go at it last Wednesday and since then I have ...erm.. lost it somewhere...? The plastic DVD case is there, but it has Toy Story 3 inside it? A mystery.

Love this thread by the way. It is inspiring me very much. Although I am hitting a brick wall with the exercise bit.

redwellybluewelly Mon 01-Jul-13 13:24:24

Greetings from a fellow frump. DD1 is almost 3 and DD2 is nearly four weeks. I've actually not been able to go out of the house since she was born except to my MIL (who is sleek and sophisticated and understanding of post baby wardrobe) because I have no clothes which fit.

Even post DD1 I remember a shopping trip when she was 18months old and bought mainly from East, came home much poorer and although I had clothes I now shudder slightly at how frumpy I was.

I like White Stuff but love Seasalt, doesn't help I'm trying to grow my hair again (short is smart but just feel I've lost part of my soul), I own one pair of carhaart flip flops, a pair of black flats I bought for a funeral and some brown pull on ankle DMs.

Pre DC I was a size 12, 5'8 but now size 18, after a CS my shape has totally changed with a beastly overhang one side of my stomach. I have mountains of clothes but nothing to wear, no style having bought mostly to 'fit in' and look ten years older than I am. I go back to work after Christmas and will be job hunting from Easter so need to nail this stye business!

NumTumDeDum Mon 01-Jul-13 13:40:50

I think I've now finally removed everything from my drawers and wardrobe that either didn't fit (and isn't ever likely to again) and/or didn't suit.

Knickers have been sorted into wearable, hideous (straight in bin), aspirational (might get in them again if I hit target) and you've got to be joking (will never in a million years fit again - toothfloss thongs I'm looking at you).

I tried on a bikini top yesterday for the garden. It looked indecent, the triangles of material were so small. I've now hoiked the lot of those out and put them in the charity bag. Having consulted the Bra thread it turns out I am not a 36e. I'm actually a 32h. Slight difference! Anyway. I no longer feel so bad about high street clothes never fitting as they are just not designed for a h cup bust. This has helped me mentally no end. I've tried some on and the lift was fab!

Turns out there is a waist under the sagging bust, you just couldn't see it before. I haven't yet bought as money is very tight, so need to make sure I get a really good quality one. The only ones I could find in my size were Debenhams own and I'm not sure I'd rate them.

Hello to RedwellyBluewelly. I feel your pain re c section overhang. I've had two emergency c's and all I can say is the overhang for me has gradually reduced and certainly after my first got to a point where it was barely noticeable. That has yet to happen with the most recent but it is going down.

happyreindeer Mon 01-Jul-13 13:45:34

I have hysterectomy overhang and I do not think it will ever go. I am incredibly frumpy today in my all navy outfit of m and s v neck jumper and denim skirt and my one shoe to rule them all
Sketchers go walk I am exercising twice today so want to be able to get changed quickly.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 01-Jul-13 15:01:50

I had the same experience after the birth of my third child (minus the cheese video). I looked at myself and realized that I looked ridiculous and frumpy and old.

A lot of it was down to not having anything that still fit from the pre-baby days. And, I still had some weight to lose.

But, I managed to find some things by going to charity shops, Primark, and Asda. I use Primark and Asda for things like tee shirts and jeans, and the charity shops to get nice tops, skirts, and dresses. I mix it all together.

Just today I scored some stuff from Monsoon and Boden for a couple of quid each. Go to the posher villages/areas near you and scour the charity shops. Buy funky, unusual things that will liven up your wardrobe.

Also, accessories can help a lot. I use cheap, bright scarves from Primark and street vendors.

NumTumDeDum Mon 01-Jul-13 15:56:22

You're totally right about location for charity shops Katy, the ones around here are stuffed with F&F and George, and often priced totally unrealistically.

I think I might have a go at swishing later. I've given up on ebay a bit now postage is so expensive.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 01-Jul-13 16:02:00

Yeah, when I lived in Dumbarton, the shops were full of George t shirts priced at £3. Um, I can get a brand new one for £5.hmm

But,if I drove up to Helensburgh, the shops were full of Monsoon and Boden, at the same prices.

KatyTheCleaningLady Mon 01-Jul-13 16:07:20

One reason I love charity shops and tk max is that everything is all mixed together. It's not all arranged into outfits and "looks" and nobody has dictated what colours you're going to wear.

I buy certain colours (pink, purple, blue, and a bit of green) and mix them together. I also only wear black, never brown. Buying brown opens the brown can of worms: you need brown shoes, belts, bags, etc. And there are different shades of brown. Black is black, and goes with anything.

needasilverlining Wed 03-Jul-13 15:45:58

Been lurking on this thread since the beginning and it's currently my favourite thing on MN. Genuinely inspiring (and you all sound lovely if I may say so).

After 2 DCs I think I've got my clothes more or less sorted (favoured uniform; skinny trousers, floaty/long top, flats, jacket) but I have been feeling a bit mumsy so it's fab to get your ideas.

In fact, I went off to Matalan this morning to try out the double layered pencil skirt and all I can say is, IT IS AMAZING. Smoothing, slimming, only a tenner... loved it so much I am driving 20 miles (after a frantic phone round) on Saturday to get the grey one in my size. So Thank You to the hero who mentioned it.

NumTumDeDum Wed 03-Jul-13 16:55:36

I nearly bought that skirt in the olive. But I don't know what to wear with it? It is seriously out of my comfort zone but it is lovely.

needasilverlining Wed 03-Jul-13 18:37:56

Mine too, TBH - I don't really do skirts, or tight jersey. But they are fab. I hadn't realised there were more colours than grey or black so might cancel the 20-mile trip and get the animal-printy one instead.

There's a code about for 10 off 25 spend at Matalan (don't know if the online ones work but you can get voucher instore) and Click and Collect is free...

needasilverlining Wed 03-Jul-13 18:50:12

By the way, to wear with what I hope will become the MN Skirt, I'm thinking either loose long tops, or maybe nicking the Vogue woman's idea and investing in a couple of men's shirts...

MadBusLady Wed 03-Jul-13 19:13:56

Well, I need little persuading to buy pencil skirts. They are great with linen shirts or shirt-type jersey tops and a skinny belt, as well as more informally with pretty vest and flipflops. Matalan Lewisham here I come. Baaaaaa....

needasilverlining Wed 03-Jul-13 21:36:37

Idea: frump club shopping trips! Meet up, get feedback on outfits (and vet them for mumsiness).

Who's where?

NumTumDeDum Wed 03-Jul-13 21:44:29

I'm near Portsmouth. It's true, I shouldn't be allowed to shop alone. Or with children. A lot of my purchases are snap decisions because all hell is breaking loose around my knees. Plus dd likes to flash me in changing rooms!

NumTumDeDum Wed 10-Jul-13 23:41:13

I've finally ordered some bras - thank you bra intervention thread! I've bought three for less than £15 in the Debenhams sale. Feeling rather pleased. Hopefully they will fit alright.

Since I threw out all my offending frumpy clothes, it has been much easier to dress in the mornings, if only because there isn't much left.

What are your views on linen wide leg trousers? I have three pairs, two black, one clay. They're practical in this heat (hate legs rubbing) but caught sight of myself today after a drive in a very hot car and I looked a bit like an unmade bed.

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