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Is it best to "surprise" DH and come home with short hair?

(88 Posts)
Watfordsue Mon 04-Feb-13 14:07:50

Hi Girls, I am in a dilema about what to do about cutting my hair. Like most men DH likes it long but I am so desperate to cut it I am scared he will talk me out of it. I am very petite and I always had Pixie cuts till I was about 19 and then grew it as boys liked long hair. Since having DS1 six years ago I started wearing it simply all scraped back in a band permanently off my face, This was great and easy especially when DS2 and DD1 came along! When we manage to get out together I try to make the effort with the heated rollers and wear it loose and curly, DH thinks its sexy. When DD was two last year I felt I needed a job as after spending years with babies I was short of adult conversation and when DH came home it was always baby talk. I managed to get a perfect Part Time job in a local cafe, I absolutely LOVE it, I have gained confidence, got my slim figure back, I feel I am contributing to the family and most importantly I feel so much better about myself. The only problem with working in a cafe is the smell........I come home and stink of food all over me. I tend to shower every morning and again quickly when I get home but the problem is that I just don't have the time to wash my hair daily after work and it stinks of fried food all the time. Even though its scraped back I can smell it round my face and my bedding and pillows stink also. I feel going back to a simple Pixie cut would be perfect, 30 seconds blowing and I will feel great, the problem is DH, if I mention that I would like to cut my hair short, he will probably say how much he likes me long and I will feel guilty cutting it, the other option is to just have it done after work, he then comes home to a sassy new wife and I just surprise him. My friends are undecided on what is best to do, they also have husbands who like long hair! My Mum who went through the same thing with my Dad said it was 10 years before she finally cut hers, I can't put up with this that long. Mum came out with a good line and said, " You are nearly 30, a big mortgage and 3 kids, what can he do!!"

I would appreciate advice on what to do.......

I have posted this on two boards as I am unsure which is best.


AnyFuleKno Wed 06-Feb-13 07:10:03

This topic would make a great magazine article and/or episode of The Wright Stuff...

ledkr Wed 06-Feb-13 07:11:23

Oh dear hmm

VenusRising Thu 07-Feb-13 11:01:48

Sorry about your illness Gigondas.

I was specifically answering the OP, when she said her DH has complimented her on her long hair, and how he likes it that way.

In no way was I saying that your post chemo hair was un attractive, or short hair in general, was not attractive: just that the OPs DH has expressed his particular preference for her long hair.

The OP could find a similar job, she needn't work in a badly ventilated place.
There are other cafés, no doubt. It seems the smell of the food is the problem, not the length of hair. I'm sure shell find something else, she's not unemployable after all and showed resourcefulness and determination getting this job: why not another? She's not without options.

To me it's a no brainier that she needs to find another better ventilated environment to work in, and maybe please her DH as well - that's not such a bad thing to do, rather than chop off her hair, to spite her relationship, as it were?

moajab Thu 07-Feb-13 13:14:01

Cut your hair short if it's what you want, but don't be surprised if your DH doesn't even notice. My DH didn't....

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 13:18:59

Oh, god, I despair. I really, really do.

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 13:25:49

Me too seeker. Am I the only one who'd shave my head if dh said he didn't like it short.
I had a chemo baldy too years ago and n ever grew it back to long again.

AmberNectarine Thu 07-Feb-13 13:26:03

Really, Venus? You think finding another job, in the present climate, is a better alternative than cutting her hair into a style she would prefer, in order to keep hubby happy?

Oh god, someone throw her to the feminists.

BigBoobiedBertha Thu 07-Feb-13 13:27:17

You don't know for sure he won't like it. You think he will 'probably say how much he likes it long' but he might not. He might not like the smell either or genuinely not be that bothered if you rarely have it down as he prefers.

I would mention you were going for a haircut in passing. Say you need it shorter. I wouldn't go into details and say you were having it all chopped off so he won't try to talk you out of it and then I would just go and get it done. If you are sure it does suit you and you will like it, even if your DH is a bit shock to begin with, I am sure he will get used to it and love it too with a little bit of time.

If your DH only loves you for your hair, he probably isn't worth hanging on to anyway. Most men aren't that shallow though.

carrie74 Thu 07-Feb-13 13:32:41

I agree entirely with Amber and ledkr

PrincessRagnhild Thu 07-Feb-13 13:43:43

Go for it OP, he might like long hair but if Pixies really suit you then he'll probably love that too. I'd tell him beforehand, say why you want to cut it (not just because of the inconvenience, but also because you really want to - he can't argue with that!)

Anyway, it's not like its permanent, you can grow it back. And if your DH only likes you for your hair then you have other, bigger problems! Plenty of men out there like short hair. My DH, uncle and dad all prefer short hair on women because they love being able to see their necks!

polyhymnia Thu 07-Feb-13 13:52:54

What Amber and princess said!

ZolaBuddleia Thu 07-Feb-13 14:03:58

You see, I think all those men who say they only find long hair attractive (yawn) are thinking that the only alternative to long hair is this.

Surely if he likes the rest of your style he should find your new hair attractive too?

RedPencils Thu 07-Feb-13 14:06:03

Find anothe job? Did I wake up in the 50s this morning?
I'd probably just say I'm going to the hairdressers, but then DH is never up for long chats about my hair.

alarkaspree Thu 07-Feb-13 14:09:30

Get it cut short, it's your hair and you like it that way.

Get a wig for special occasions.

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 14:24:34

My dp likes my hair long- this thread is making me want to take my sewing scissors to it NOW!

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 16:30:02

Ill do it seeker with my bread knife.
Yes of course just get another job! Don't want to disappoint your man by cutting off your own hair so just get another job.
What could be simpler and more rational confused

Gigondas Thu 07-Feb-13 16:48:30

I have a rusty old razor to finish it seeker.

Am with you ledkr- my hair went short due to chemo. I like it like this now.

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 17:02:18

And curly?

ratbagcatbag Thu 07-Feb-13 17:38:18

My DH loves angeline jolie, I have not one feature that is anyway comparable to her, it's just how it is. My hair ranges between mega short and just short, I go from pink, to fire engine red to brunette. I don't ask him about it I just do it. Mind you he thinks it suits me.

AmazingBouncingFerret Thu 07-Feb-13 17:51:41

Better yet OP pack the job in. Leaves you more time to curl your hair and make yourself pweety for the big man coming home after a long hard day at work.

Don't forget his drink upon arrival now...

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 17:53:40

And a clean pinny of course.

TantrumsAndBalloons Thu 07-Feb-13 17:58:27

God yes, don't do what you want with your hair. I mean your DH might not want to have sex with you if you do.

Don't you know you have to dress to please your husband so he will bestow the honor of his cock to you?
And if that means long hair, 5 inch stilettos and greeting him at the door wrapped in nothing but cling film every night then that's what you have to do.

After all, what else are you there for other than to please him?

I actually despair at some of the responses on here.

BIWI Thu 07-Feb-13 18:12:17

This is so depressing.

If you like your hair short, and there are also practical reasons for having it cut, then have it cut.

Using words like 'scared' in this context to talk about your husband's reaction is truly, truly shocking.

And what is even worse is other people suggesting you should get another job, to prevent you having to cut your hair off.

Seriously? What planet/century is this?

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 18:16:11

BIWI but boys prefer long hair donchaknow grin
I met dh at the door today in stained combats and crated cheese in my short hair. I do hope he still luffs me

MrsGeologist Thu 07-Feb-13 18:26:15

OP, just get it cut. If your DH doesn't like it, it'll grow back.

FWIW I'm in the "I'd shave my head if my DH said he wanted me to have long hair" camp. It's my fucking hair, I'll do what I please with it.

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