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Is it best to "surprise" DH and come home with short hair?

(88 Posts)
Watfordsue Mon 04-Feb-13 14:07:50

Hi Girls, I am in a dilema about what to do about cutting my hair. Like most men DH likes it long but I am so desperate to cut it I am scared he will talk me out of it. I am very petite and I always had Pixie cuts till I was about 19 and then grew it as boys liked long hair. Since having DS1 six years ago I started wearing it simply all scraped back in a band permanently off my face, This was great and easy especially when DS2 and DD1 came along! When we manage to get out together I try to make the effort with the heated rollers and wear it loose and curly, DH thinks its sexy. When DD was two last year I felt I needed a job as after spending years with babies I was short of adult conversation and when DH came home it was always baby talk. I managed to get a perfect Part Time job in a local cafe, I absolutely LOVE it, I have gained confidence, got my slim figure back, I feel I am contributing to the family and most importantly I feel so much better about myself. The only problem with working in a cafe is the smell........I come home and stink of food all over me. I tend to shower every morning and again quickly when I get home but the problem is that I just don't have the time to wash my hair daily after work and it stinks of fried food all the time. Even though its scraped back I can smell it round my face and my bedding and pillows stink also. I feel going back to a simple Pixie cut would be perfect, 30 seconds blowing and I will feel great, the problem is DH, if I mention that I would like to cut my hair short, he will probably say how much he likes me long and I will feel guilty cutting it, the other option is to just have it done after work, he then comes home to a sassy new wife and I just surprise him. My friends are undecided on what is best to do, they also have husbands who like long hair! My Mum who went through the same thing with my Dad said it was 10 years before she finally cut hers, I can't put up with this that long. Mum came out with a good line and said, " You are nearly 30, a big mortgage and 3 kids, what can he do!!"

I would appreciate advice on what to do.......

I have posted this on two boards as I am unsure which is best.


buttercrumble Mon 04-Feb-13 14:10:14

Just go for it and suprise him, it sounds like you will look amazing. I bet he will love it....

ellangirl Mon 04-Feb-13 14:10:26

It is your hair!

OscarPistoriusBitontheside Mon 04-Feb-13 14:14:37

Go for it, it's your hair! I did this years ago went to the hairdressers with waist length blonde hair. Came
Home with bobbed brown! grin DH was shockhmmconfused and ds1 cried, but I liked it. Now it's shoulder length brunette.

badtasteflump Mon 04-Feb-13 14:35:13

The point here is that you definitely want it cut short - so go get it done - and yes, 'surprise' him if you think he'll try to talk you out of it grin

Casmama Mon 04-Feb-13 15:55:34

Surprise him and if he says that he prefers it long then offer to grow it if he will wash and blow dry your hair for you every evening!

polyhymnia Mon 04-Feb-13 17:21:05

Agree with everyone else. Its your hair. You know you will look great with it cropped. Just do it and let him get used to it,

Fanjounchained Mon 04-Feb-13 17:51:16

Get it cut short it that is what you want. If he's so keen on long hair then tell him to buy a wig grin

(And for what it's worth there are a lot of men out there that like short hair too...)

Fluffycloudland77 Mon 04-Feb-13 18:03:30

I did that once.

Never again, I hated it and dh called me bob for ages. Because I had a bob (you had to be there).

thixotropic Mon 04-Feb-13 18:22:40


I allowed dh to dissuadee from going back to the shirt hair I'd had in my teens. I knew short suited me better, and I was getting pissed off with the faff of long hair.

I surprised him (and me) by getting it all cut off one day.

I loved it. And after years of going on about how nice long hair is, he just looked at me and said 'ooh you were right, you look loads better with it short'

mrssmooth Mon 04-Feb-13 18:28:07

Well, like others have said, it's your hair, so do it if it's what you really want. But if it's because of the smell after work, then even if it's short, it's still going to smell!

Could you not wash your hair after work/at night? Then that way you're not going to bed with smelly hair?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes Mon 04-Feb-13 18:28:19

Yes, just get it done, I have to say it wouldn't have ever occurrerd to me to tell DH before getting a haircut, I just go out and do it.

VenusRising Mon 04-Feb-13 18:48:42

Why don't you get another job?
Better than having to get a divorce!

I know it's your hair, yadda yadda but your DH has already said he finds you sexy with long hair - what if he finds you unsexy with short hair? Seriously, what will you do then?

I'd go for another job tbh as it's the smell of the food etc that's the problem in my eyes.

Sorry to all the feminists.... I know it shouldn't make a difference, but I find that men are pretty visual, and if they don't have an appetite, they don't eat IYKWIM!

VenusRising Mon 04-Feb-13 18:49:43

I am also speaking from experience, Bob!

sarahseashell Mon 04-Feb-13 19:12:42

but she said she likes the job venus. Why not just tell him OP? I think that's better than 'surprising' him tbh

CareerGirl01 Mon 04-Feb-13 19:18:06

Can you get it cut shorter, and do it gradually so he gets used to it?

Gigondas Mon 04-Feb-13 19:35:02

Well I am fucked then Venus as I had enforced short hair due to chemo hmm- it is a particularly crass and simplistic thing to say .

Op- I think it is up to you and if you look as good as you think go for it. But if you are only doing it cos of food smells , the poster who said it won't help is right. Can you get a scarf or something to tie round

Jelly15 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:25:48

I sort of agree with the majority, it is your hair do what you want, but what if your DH did something to his apperance you didn't like, such as grow a beard/shave it off of he already has one? Would you feel a little hurt when he knew you found him sexy the way he was? Can you soften the blow by a mid length style first then the chop next a few weeks later.

Geordieminx Mon 04-Feb-13 21:30:51

Perhaps re-post this in the Feminist section... I'm sure you will get loads of replies over there wink

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes Mon 04-Feb-13 21:37:14

It would help with the food smells though, as it will make it vey quick and easy to wash and dry after work whereas now it probably takes ages to dry. When mine was short I never needed conditioner and it took about 30s to blow dry, now below the shoulders it's the full shampoo and conditioner routine every time and either walk round with it wet for several hours or a good 20 mins blowdrying, too much for every day.

polyhymnia Mon 04-Feb-13 22:42:35

Yes, obviously it will be miles easier to wash after work if it's shorter.
Can't believe suggestion you change your job for this reason is serious.
Also find it hard to believe anyone's DH/DP's attraction to their partner is wholly related to their hair length in isolation from all their other physical and non-physical qualties -to the extent the relationship is dependent on it, as venus's comment implies.

Fanjounchained Tue 05-Feb-13 12:58:02

Do you watch the news/read the papers at all are a wee bitty thin on the ground at the moment..just thought I'd mention it...

INeedThatForkOff Tue 05-Feb-13 19:46:19

Christ on a bike ... boys like long hair; DH thinks it's sexy - what do you like?

purplepenguin86 Wed 06-Feb-13 01:17:03

I think you should just go for it. You know you like it short, you know it suits you, and it is your hair! If you tell him he will probably just try and persuade you not to, and it sounds like you know exactly what you want, so is there really any point in discussing it? If you feel good about your hair you will be more confident, and confidence is attractive.

AmberNectarine Wed 06-Feb-13 06:56:16

OP if your DH divorces you on the basis of your hair style then you'd be well rid. However, I suspect he is not a shallow moron who wants a pneumatic doll with bottom length tresses for a wife, so you'll likely be ok.

My DH would like me to dress like a prostitute every day. Needless to say I don't. He loves and finds me attractive anyway. Equally, I would like my DH to look like Ryan Reynolds. He doesn't. I love and find him attractive anyway.

Go for it OP, it's your hair and your life, and any man worth his salt will support you in all things and want you at your happiest.

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