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I wouldn't bother with hair removal creams. I have very thick hair all over (1/2 Iranian) and hair removal creams just don't work amazingly for it. Being honest, waxing has been the only hair removal method to do any good but at her age I wouldn't be sure about it!
I had my legs done from 11 as Mum had hers done. The lady mentioned waxing the arms of a girl who was 8 or 9. A friend also had her lip waxed from about year 7.
Maybe get a mobile beautician so its more private for her. I'd also do on a Fri eve or Saturday so any redness goes down before school. It's unfortunate for her but I wouldn't leave it- it's likely that fairly soon someone will mention it.
Yes, what about threading? That's getting more and more popular now. All the threading ladies seem to be Indian so that suggests they are used to the same issues your daughter has. Re her age, I think your DH is being a very kind Dad to notice - she will get teased and so better to do something now, even if she herself isn't bothered. We had an olive- skinned girl in our class whose leg hair grew much younger than the rest of ours did and the boys were really horrible about her.
The pain is the part that makes me have doubts- you could take paracetamol to help. However, if you leave it until she is teased- they will then know she has darker body hair and in all likelihood tease her for being waxed. So I do think it would be kinder to pre-empt it. Maybe have a chat about her ethnicity and the fact that lots of women with darker hair choose to remove it. I agree that threading would also be worth looking into. Are there any female relatives on your DH side you could talk to? You could maybe think about the grooming that diff people do eg mousy hair dye it blonde, dark circles- make up etc