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grungy dh. help ..

(6 Posts)
booksinbed Fri 16-Nov-12 17:02:53

Married to a lovely dh.When we were students many moons ago he dressed well and intrestingly when he had more time

.We have been married for 20 plus years - he works full time and tends to put others first combined with no intrest in clothes.He now has quite a responsible job.I know that he is tired at night but he does tend to cut short on his hygenie - eg wets hair rather than washes and sometimes and my dd commented today, well it smells
.He asked me to get him some new shirts as im off work today as he had totally ran out and i went thro his shirts and most of them are not fit for anything but dusters.worn- faded -stained.
He does find it heard to spend on himself but clothes and appearance are not his prority unless he is after - i have to say cringe- sex-or important meeting then he will be clean and put after shave on and make an effort.His fleece that he wears in the house which i found when looking thro shirts really sinks of an old unwashed man smell.
.A few years ago he promised he wd come shopping with me and get new clothes but it has never never transpired.He just goes to charity shops for a shirt now and then.When he was younger he did dress a lot from charity shops and i thinks that is good if selective, but then he was 24 with a 6 pack and i have to saw he carried it more then - its awful to say but at 52 he just cant carry the faded look as well - its not me being horrid- its just like sometimes when women are older they sometimes have to get better clothes or take more care?Im not saying am lovely all the time indeed its ok to relax in jamas etc but still clean ones etc....
.The thing that really gets me is smelly clothes and hair.Ive tried to be nice ,encorage and even been cross but nothing works .its awful to not want to hug as his hair smells and the thing is Dd is a little embarased now.he does nt smell of sweat but dirty clothes or really faded ones.He does worry about money but recently bought a bike for£ 200 so its not as if he could have spent 50 quid or so at least....sory fr loads typos in rush to send as dont want interuption!!dd and ds and pals in house!!

booksinbed Fri 16-Nov-12 17:32:33

help !!!!!!!!!!

QuinnFabray Fri 16-Nov-12 17:56:55

It sounds like his personal hygiene is an issue more than his clothes and appearance, and if you have tried everything to let him know you're not happy about it, I'm not sure what to suggest.

It sounds like he's taking you for granted and not considering your feelings about this, to be honest.

QuinnFabray Fri 16-Nov-12 18:01:05

I think whether he is interested in clothes and appearance is his decision really, although it would be nice if he took on board your thoughts on the matter. However, if he's not even willing to consider you with regards hygiene, it sounds unlikely that he'll consider your feelings regarding his appearance.

There's nothing wrong with being scruffy, but scruffy and smelly? Yuk!

LittlePandaBear Fri 16-Nov-12 18:21:38

I'm not sure how much I can help you, but that would bother me too if my DH suddenly stopped caring about himself like that. It's not about being in fashion, it's taking some pride in his appearance and realising his effect on others.

Some ideas:

1. Just wash his clothes, anything that's lying around and he's not wearing, just get it in the washing machine! I would assume that he doesn't do much, if any, washing himself so surely he can't wear dirty clothes if you have washed them for him? If he wears the same thing day in/day out, then you will have to put the washing on in the night smile

2. When he does eventually wash his hair, with whatever encouragement he needs, make a huge fuss of him and tell him how lovely it is to be able to get close to him again as he's so nice to cuddle etc

3. Do you think there may be something going on at work to cause him to lose interest in his appearance, you say he has a responsible job so is he stressed or depressed? Perhaps this is causing him to put no effort into other parts of his life, because he's putting all his effort into work. Maybe probe a bit into his worklife and if that improves then the appearance and washing thing may improve too.

4. It's Xmas coming up, so a perfect excuse to take him shopping, and you could buy him some new clothes! You don't need to spend much and could go to cheap shops. Keep the compliments coming, 'that shirt really brings out your eyes', 'makes your shoulders look so broad' etc How can he not love his new look if you love it?

5. Has he put on weight, could that be the reason he's not making any effort?

6. Have a bath/shower together (when the kids are out!) - surely he won't refuse?

I haven't been married for as long as you, but you really should be able to talk about it together. Men don't like to be 'helped' - you may have to make him think that his new effort is his idea in the first place.

Good luck - and maybe try posting this in relationships too for someone more qualified to respond smile

booksinbed Fri 16-Nov-12 19:13:16

Thankslittle panda-i think that you are right he is tired from work but seems happy with his job just limited energy .He has put a little weight on .I cd buy christmas stuff but not take him but he will not go shopping- he buys shirts ad hoc locally if passing a charity shop and has not had new trousesrs for years.!!Puts worn clothes back in w robe so its difficult to tell what s what and his w robe smells musty as result.Other ideas re praise etc sound a good move!!Not sure how to transfer this to relationship thread but good idea. thanks again!!

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