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Dressing for a funeral. (my Dad's).

(52 Posts)
hellymelly Tue 18-Sep-12 22:01:39

My darling Dad died two days ago. I now realise that I will have to find something to wear for the funeral, both for myself and my 80 year old mother. I don't wear black much normally, it doesn't suit me, and so the only things I have in black are either very casual or full on evening wear. I wear 30's or 40's things if I'm wearing a dress, and I'm roughly a size 12 but should be a 10 (have put on a stone recently due to a thyroid problem) so although not a big dress size I am a bit chub. I like things to cover my knees and I am tallish. My Mum is also about a 12 but a typical old lady shape. I don't even have black shoes! Am frantically dealing with funeral arrangements all day and haven't had time to really look online (I live hundreds of miles from any half-decent city with naice shops). Very grateful for any ideas. Dark grey would be fine as would navy I imagine.

tethersend Tue 18-Sep-12 22:04:06

Oh helly, I'm so sorry sad.

Will have a look for something you might like.

fridgepants Tue 18-Sep-12 22:06:34

I wore a brown jersey dress from Tesco (the easiest place for me to get to that had clothing) that was a kind of 1940s shape for my dad's funeral. (I wore it to a job interview later.) If time is short, I'd head to your nearest clothes-selling supermarket and pick up a plainish top and skirt in a sober colour. I think it's fine as long as you are dressed in something plain and sober.

I hope you and your mum are holding up OK.

lurkingaround Tue 18-Sep-12 22:08:24

I have no help to give you, but I couldn't read and run. So sorry for you and your mother in your loss. This is a hard time. Sympathies.

slinkyboo Tue 18-Sep-12 22:08:29

I'm so sorry for your loss, hellymelly. I lost my Dad six years ago. I didn't want to wear black to his funeral and I found a lovely bottle green embroidered skirt and cardigan in Monsoon. They had lots of things to choose from. (I was also 12 weeks pregnant and more fat curvy than usual.

Maybe your DM could find something there too? Or she might want to wear a dress that was a favourite of your DDad's, or one that she associates with happy memories. That might be much easier than going shopping for something new.

I'm sorry again and I wish you strength for the days, weeks and years ahead.

follyfoot Tue 18-Sep-12 22:13:42

Oh bless you sad sending you thanks and a big hug.

Would something like this be appropriate?

Or perhaps this?

Or maybe something from Boden and there might be some shoes for you too?

As for your Mum, how about M & S online, would they maybe have something she would like to wear?

Do take care xx

hellymelly Tue 18-Sep-12 22:24:19

Sadly I can't wear green or brown (I wear those sort of colours usually so would like to) as my Mum would be upset. She can't get out and shop as she has a badly broken arm and can't do much at all. I do like the Fenn Wright and Manson one follyfoot and the Hobbs one although maybe I'm not thin enough for that. I will have a look at Boden now. Lord knows what I can get Mum. She can't move her arm much so getting her dressed is tricky anyway. I need to allow time to try things on and for them to arrive in the first place. We haven't set a date yet but will be next week sometime I imagine. I feel heartbroken, he was such a lovely man, I can't think straight but my Mum will want me to look smart and formal and I know I need to get it sorted asap. What do you put little girls in for a funeral? just a darkish colour? (really hoping I don't need to shop for them as well)

chocolateteabag Tue 18-Sep-12 22:24:45

Hi Helly, firstly really sorry for your loss.
I guess my first question would be what would your Dad want you to wear? As in do you really want to wear black? I know it's traditional to wear somber colours but are you mourning or celebrating his life? Don't mean that to sound blunt and hope I've come across ok but if it's not "you" then do you really have to?

That said here are some ideas which you could order and chuck back if not ok:
very basic boden dress but with a slip underneath will skim chubby bits. Wearing with black tights and coat &scarf and then you could wear again but add some colour with a necklace. or this boho one is a bit looser

Bit more structured but still comfortablethis Viyella dress in sale or there is this one which is a bit 40's ish (or my idea of) so maybe one for you?
Hobbs are also good for ordering a lot and sending back so maybe worth just ordering a job lot of things

Hope this is some help

tethersend Tue 18-Sep-12 22:26:58

fur trim






Pearl Lowe

Pearl Lowe again

chocolateteabag Tue 18-Sep-12 22:28:32

God sorry just seen your second post and my first looks crass now

Your mum might be best in a wrap dress with a black slip underneath? It would be easy to get on and the black slip would avoid wrap dress splay issues. Isabella Oliver ones are pretty fail safe but would size up to a 14 for her.

BobbiFleckman Tue 18-Sep-12 22:32:12

can you borrow something from a good pal? If you buy something, you'll never wear it again, the association will always be there.

chocolateteabag Tue 18-Sep-12 22:33:40

There is this black wrap dress from M&S which would maybe work for your Mum with a Jacket?

madmomma Tue 18-Sep-12 22:35:22

Sorry no clothing ideas but just wanted to send you a huge hug and lots of love and strength. I recently lost my wonderful Dad too, so I'm with you in spirit. xxx

tethersend Tue 18-Sep-12 22:53:32

Dark green but formal

Bargain black velvet

janji Tue 18-Sep-12 23:31:26

So sorry for your loss. Although its something everyone seems to stress about, what you wear really doesn't matter unless it makes you feel really uncomfortable not to follow the traditional black.
Could you and your mum wear an outfit that you know your dear dad would have liked? In all honesty people will not really care what you are wearing, they will be more concerned that you and your family are ok and wanting to say goodbye to your dad.
In my experience, a small black armband can show the same respect as a whole block outfit that neither you or your mum may ever wear again and that in all possibility would only remind you of this unhappy day when you wore it again.
Wishing you and your family strength and hugs. Xxx

hellymelly Tue 18-Sep-12 23:38:27

Some very good dresses here thankyou. Tethers I like the Hobbs one a lot. Some of the others are a bit short looking for me but I like the dark green repro one, and the Pearl lowe one on ebay with the lace trim- am going to email them to see how long it is. The Viyella ones that chocolate suggested look great too, particularly the more 40's style one, which leaves me with plenty of choice. I think i will order three out of these, and a black one with a discreet flower print that I have seen on the Cath Kidston website, and hopefully one of them will fit and look fine. I'll have to do a shoe search online tomorrow night. Will need to have a bit of a heel but not too high.
Am not sure for my Mum, she will want a high neckline, she's 80 (actually 81 tomorrow, my poor Mum, Dad died on Sunday, yesterday was their Wedding anniversary -52 years- and tomorrow is her birthday sad sad) She's not daring with clothes and will want something very plain, which is the hardest thing. Lovely things for old ladies seem very thin on the ground generally. Thankyou everyone for the kind messages, as well as the brilliant ideas, I would never have found any of those things as I almost always buy vintage, but there isn't time for that now.
I did wonder about borrowing something, as I have a lovely black ankle length fine wool Toast dress in a 10 that fitted me a few months back but is a bit snug now, and my friend has the 12. However I think she would then think of it being worn to a funeral every time she went to wear it and it might spoil it for her so I don't think I'll ask...
madmomma i'm sorry you have also lost your dad. It is bloody awful isn't it?
(I have never found out how to accent a name in bolder type sorry)

EnjoyGOLDResponsibly Tue 18-Sep-12 23:43:53

My friend and her mum went to Asda. Top to toe. Looked very stylish. Binned the next day.

hellymelly Tue 18-Sep-12 23:44:53

Oh and my Dad thought I looked beautiful in everything, so he wouldn't mind , but he was always "properly" dressed for things and thought that was important, so I wouldn't want to wear something bright and cheerful, even though he was bright and cheerful himself.
slinky I will have a look at monsoon online, I'm sorry you've also lost your Dad.

EnjoyGOLDResponsibly Tue 18-Sep-12 23:51:53

Maybe for your mum a black cardigan/knit jumper twinset: M&S have loads, looks very elegant with a string of pearls, black tights and black skirt.

theowlworrier Wed 19-Sep-12 00:45:27

Sorry foryour loss Helly. I lost my dear dad almost 7 years ago, and although I don't have any practical suggestions for what to wear, I will say that I couldn't bear to wear any of it again, so it may be worth bearing in mind while you of course want to look good to say goodbye, I wouldn't choose anything based on repeated wearability. Wishing you strength sad

pocketandsweet Wed 19-Sep-12 05:38:09

I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost mine a couple if years ago and my only real wisdom is that I wore something dark and smart and I absolutely will never wear it again because it is " what I wore to Dad's funeral" . A garment now far too loaded with sad memories to ever be worn again.... don't spend too much money on it because you may feel the same. For what it is worth my 11/2 year old wore a very colourful dress and lots of people ( young and old) told me that it made them feel better seeing a lovely happy colourful baby at a funeral . Wishing you and your mum lots of strength over the coming days .

MsArseBiscuit Wed 19-Sep-12 07:06:14

I don't have long to reply, Helly, but I thought I could at least chuck in my experience of helping older ladies with fractures to get changed, the easiest thing to manage is a blouse that fastens all the way down the front, that way you can slip the bad arm into a sleeve first without moving it too much, so in that vein, what about this ? With an elasticated waist black skirt ( I couldn't find any other than pencil ones online on M&S and I assume she'd prefer A-line, might be worth looking at bhs ).
I went to my uncle's funeral earlier this year and wore a black Warehouse dress that I ordered from ASOS, below knee, slash neck,came with a black patent belt, it was sober but easy to wear again ,they deliver very quickly .

gastrognome Wed 19-Sep-12 07:22:37

I'm so sorry to hear that you have lost your father.

When my dad died, I just wanted to wear something that would have made him feel proud. He was always quite dapper and well dressed (sounds rather like yours, always properly dressed for the occasion) so I made sure I wore something smart but not too dark and sober. (In the end I chose a black flippy skirt and soft pale pink v-neck sweater, and a white embroidered scarf.)

But it's such a personal thing. Have you seen anything online you think might suit? I agree that you might not want to borrow your friend's dress.

Wishing you lots of courage and strength over the days to come.

Dollydowser Wed 19-Sep-12 07:38:20

This dress from Pepperberry has a 40's vibe to it. The skirt has a decent length to it (it was too long for me at 5'3") and is a lovely heavy quality jersey.

madmomma Wed 19-Sep-12 11:58:05

Hmm I feel differently. I wore a dress that my Dad admired a week or so before he died. I wore it because I knew he liked it, and now when I wear it I think of him. Could go either way I guess.

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