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* sigh * and a bit of a moan

(22 Posts)
AbsDuCroissant Thu 14-Jul-11 16:36:12

so, DP and I have decided to get married - we can't formally get engaged yet (for various complex reasons I'd rather not go into), but we've started planning and discussing stuff, budgeting etc. etc. we've told family members (and colleagues. They were wondering why I was googling wedding venues and DP was asking about his colleagues' wedding budgets).

So, so far so good. Naturellement, i've been looking at dresses (which is turning into an unexpected nightmare - I keep on changing my mind), and told SIL in a chatty way and she said "oh great! take an afternoon off work, other SIL and I and you will go to a bridal shop and you know we'll be brutally honest about how stuff looks". which is what I'm worried about.

We haven't had the easiest relationship - she and my brother have been completed arses towards me for years and they can be very mean about stuff.

So, on the one hand - it's sweet and it's all nice and sisterly going shopping etc. etc., but on the other, I really don't feel like subjecting myself to an afternoon of this. Normally when shopping I just go on my own, or do it all online, and no major disasters yet

DP has it so much easier. Buy suit (on own, not with entourage). Wear suit. * <sigh> *

Pootles2010 Thu 14-Jul-11 16:38:07

Just say something along the lines of maybe later, but my mum/sister/best friend would be really upset if I didn't take them?

AbsDuCroissant Thu 14-Jul-11 16:41:51

Good thinking. I notice she excluded mom from the invite, and I know she'd be upset if she couldn't come along as well.

OR - I fire up the credit card and get this baby nice

I might also need to crack on a bit more with the stomach crunches.

Pin0t Thu 14-Jul-11 16:45:33

Aww congratulations Abs!

Embrace your inner bridezilla grin

Pootles2010 Thu 14-Jul-11 16:45:35

Ooh get you! Bit posh. Yeah i'd look like sack of spuds in that but it's very nice!

Def don't let them come. I don't buy all the codswallop about you being only one matters on wedding day, but you should be able to enjoy dress shopping/fitting!

philbee Thu 14-Jul-11 16:46:08

Can you just say you're not at that stage yet, and you'll let them know if you need any advice or help with it? Then you're not promising anything... Or could you ask them to look after your LOs while you go - thus helping but not with you?

AbsDuCroissant Thu 14-Jul-11 16:53:09

I don't have any little ones - I'm one of those weirdo not a mum mumsnetters.

Oh Pinot, you have nooooooooooo idea how bridezilla-y this is going to get grin

"I wanted hint of creme napkins. those are hint of meringue - do you know what the c**nting difference is?! Do you?! This wedding is supposed to be CLASSIC, ROMANTIC CHIC, not CHAV. AAAAAAARGH".

It will be awesome

CoffeeIsMyFriend Thu 14-Jul-11 16:56:01

love that dress, but I think (unlike me) one would have to be tall, slender and have some fab curves to work it. grin

It is indeed beautiful.

ramade Thu 14-Jul-11 16:57:13

This could be an olive branch from her, tell her you want to do that bit on your own/with your best friend, but offer to get your nails done together instead to talk about wedding ideas/ have a girly day together.

You might be gritting your teeth through the whole thing, but it will get her out of your hair on the dress day, also you will be doing something positive about your SIL relatioship.

Pin0t Thu 14-Jul-11 16:58:56

I am giddy with anticipation of all the zilla-esque threads you can do! I jeffin' LOVE a decent bridezilla!

I was one, natch grin

Pin0t Thu 14-Jul-11 17:00:52

Which reminds me of when I stomped into the Reception venue at 3am on my wedding day to check they hadn't fobbed me off with pesky white candles, but palest ivory ones as I'd requested. 3am! <flexes zilla muscles>

AbsDuCroissant Thu 14-Jul-11 17:04:15

Maybe it is ramade.

I have a couple of weeks (she proposed a date) to think about this

Oh Pinot, I have soooooooooo much to learn from you.

Something tough on the dress choosing front is that I can't discuss it with DP. Turns out, despite once suggesting that white lycra leggings was a good look (let's forget that), he does have quite good taste in fashion and I would lurve to send him links and for him to be all "nice. You'd look beautiful in it". I have to wait, a YEAR

FourThousandHoles Thu 14-Jul-11 17:06:26

Tell her you've already found the dress

Which you have, I reckon

Good frock, shame about hte price tag

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 14-Jul-11 18:35:20

Go with your mum, or best friend. Failing that go alone you will know when you try the dress on if it's your dress! You just know, tis mystical process that cannot be explained.

Start as you mean to go on and do not let anyone but you and dp have opinions.

I'd buy my veil second hand if I did it again, only wore it a couple of hours and it was £95!! For a bit of netting essentially.

Did you know you can hire diamond tiaras? I found out too late and couldn't afford it.

I have experience of sil's who are difficult. Did not take her dress shopping. Or ask her to be bridesmaid. Or a maid of honour. And she's only on three wedding photos.

But she didn't get us a wedding present. And she dressed like a showgirl fir a church wedding. Aah it goes on and on.

wicketkeeper Thu 14-Jul-11 19:57:25

I took my fiance with me, but then, we've always been a bit odd...

LadyWord Thu 14-Jul-11 20:02:39

However you wriggle out of it, you should shop for your wedding dress in the way that suits you best - alone, with your mum or whatever YOU want.

You sound a bit like me... I've found that I cant shop very well with other people - I'll enjoy window shopping with friends, but for making decisions it has to be just me, or I get confused and make mistakes.

For your wedding dress you have to be happy with it and enjoy shopping for it, so you have to wriggle out of this methinks.

AbsDuCroissant Thu 14-Jul-11 22:41:41

Agree on the price tag -maybe I could get an MN whip around grin

So far, she's told me UNEQUIVOCABLY that she's not going to be a bridesmaid (I wasn't necessarily thinking of asking her, but there you go) and that instead, she and other SIL (not sure other SIL is aware of this) will wear black and sit in the front row and gossip hmm. I said maybe, a few weeks before the wedding we can all go to a spa or something and hang out and eat cake, and she said no, she'd rather go to a motor show.
For other SIL's wedding, SIL one decided on the colour (though albiet that was slightly dictated by my niece's FG outfit. And niece nearly upstaged the bride she was so cute - she was 3) and the cut of dresses, where they were bought, hen night and so on and so on.

For the veil I think I'll use my Mom's (when I told her she looked so happy, so win win!)

I'm glad to hear that you do find "the dress". So far I've mostly looked on line, and it's involved finding "the dress" - yay! then five minutes later having an existential crisis and deciding I could NEVER wear something with that much lace, that shade of cream, blah blah blah

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 15-Jul-11 08:02:19

There is a wedding thread on mumsnet I saw it ages ago

Pin0t Fri 15-Jul-11 09:37:01

<hops with excitement>

You can hire diamond tiaras??? <faints> Gawd, I'd love that. I told DH that if I'd been Kate Middleton I'd barely have been able to lift my head up for diamonds grin

Love love love the idea of your Mums veil, Abs - that's such a classy thing to do. Very lovely of you. My advice on the dress is to really go for it - you have the rest of your life to be understated etc. Your wedding dress should be your dream dress, never to be bettered. Not in a frills and flounce kind of way - if it's simple, make it amazing simple, make it jaw-dropping in style. In quality. Make it give you butterflies! Hope you know what I mean smile

FakePlasticTrees Fri 15-Jul-11 09:46:18

why not suggest doing what my friend did, say, great, but as you've only got one afternoon, you'll look on the websites of a few designers and make sure you call a few dress shops, make appointments and make sure they have the dresses you want opinions on in stock. tell her not to book the afternoon until you can sort out which day you mum can come along. (Just act like it was a given your mum would be coming to give her opinion)

Then go buy the dress you want, telling her you found out it was in a sample sale and you had to get it now and wow, it's such a bargain!!! Be super excited and tell her you'll save it for the big day, so does she still want to take a day off, as you need to go get shoes, clutch bag etc, or shall you all go do something fun like go get your nails done?

LuckyMrsT Fri 15-Jul-11 09:54:09

OMG!!! How did I miss net-a-porter for wedding dresses? And now I've missed the boat. Did you see the Gucci one as well? It is cheaper than the dress I bought! (though I did love it)

I. Could. Have. Worn. Gucci.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 15-Jul-11 09:59:03

I took my MIL with me to chose my dress.

I had torn pages out of magazines of dresses I liked but only actually found one of them in the second shop we went in. It wasn't nice on me. The staff were so awful that I just wanted to get out of there and all I could think about was this one dress in shop one.

When we went back the ladies said they knew I would be back for that dress but not that it would be that soon.

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