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Mrs Schadenfreude's Mirror Test... (not for the fainthearted)

(49 Posts)
MrsSchadenfreude Fri 17-Jun-11 22:40:05

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. Go and find a mirror that you can lay down on a flat surface. Yes - that little prop up one from the bathroom that you use to squeeze your blackheads or pluck your beard will do fine. No, you don't need the magnifying side.

Right, pop the mirror down on the table. Coffee table, kitchen table, wherever you happen to be, doesn't matter. Now look into it - no, leave it on the flat surface, don't stand it up. Lean over the mirror.

How do you look?

Just fine and peachy - not much different from vertical, really? Good, then you can go away and need read no further.

Are you in horror at the jowls swinging forwards? Is that a really horrible sight? Are you running away screaming?

Well let me let you into a secret. This is the view of you that your Other Half gets when you clamber on top. As you ride enthusiastically, looking lovingly down at him from on high, the only thing he can concentrate on is your jowls. And possibly the slap, slap noise your tits are making as they go back and forth. (That's why he fondles them - to stop the noise.)

This is why your OH shuts his eyes - he's not concentrating on his orgasm, he's shutting out the picture of those jowls.

Time to stick to missionary or doggy or try the reverse cowgirl, maybe?

Have a nice evening. gringringrin

You BIATCH

activate Fri 17-Jun-11 22:42:19

sweetheart no woman who is old enough to have jowls can be arsed going on top any more

far too much effort

Casmama Fri 17-Jun-11 22:42:46

Oh do fuck off.

MrsSchadenfreude Fri 17-Jun-11 22:47:01

who me fuck off, or activate?

(Activate has v valid point, actually.)

Casmama Fri 17-Jun-11 22:52:02

You - why would you want to make other women feel self-conscious?

TeddyMcardle Fri 17-Jun-11 22:54:54

Are there really men out there who wouldn't want a woman on top of them because she has jowls? Or even think about that in the middle of sex?
I suggest you find a new dh.

MrsSchadenfreude Fri 17-Jun-11 22:55:43

Oh lighten up, do. I thought it was quite funny - it was passed onto me by a female boss I had some years ago. As I am now the age she was then, I thought I would share the lurve (already shared on hagsnet, to much hilarity).

ggirl Fri 17-Jun-11 22:58:57

accidentally looked in a mirror on the floor once..............never again
can't remember why there was a mirror on the floor though

StrawberryMewMew Fri 17-Jun-11 23:40:32

Sorry, but please fuck off. You do realise that although this seems like a laugh it will get some people thinking and make them extremely self conscious. Me, becuase I am 6 months pg, already feel fat and didn't need anything else to obsess over.

ggirl Fri 17-Jun-11 23:43:35

oh ffs she said it wasn't for the fainthearted

CointreauVersial Fri 17-Jun-11 23:46:10

TBH, DH would be so delighted, nay astonished, if I clambered on top that he'd gladly keep his eyes shut.

Tennis balls in socks springs to mind...

CointreauVersial Fri 17-Jun-11 23:48:32

Clearly only the crepeys appreciate the humour in this situation...

StrawberryMewMew Fri 17-Jun-11 23:48:33

And normally I'm not. But I hadn't ever thought about my DP thinking I've got a fat chin while we're shagging which I know he wont be ,I'm just being paranoid. until I came on this thread, so I wasn't exactly worried about being fainthearted before I read it!

SherbetDibDab Fri 17-Jun-11 23:49:45

I'm struggling to understand why anyone would post this.

StrawberryMewMew Fri 17-Jun-11 23:49:46

And I actually do see a funny side to it but ffs I am such a hormonal wreck today I cried watching Futurama!!

CointreauVersial Fri 17-Jun-11 23:50:27

Now if I lie on my back and think of England my tits disappear into my armpits. Not sure which is worse.

StrawberryMewMew Fri 17-Jun-11 23:52:25

Cointreau I have the whoppers of tits too, the jowls are worse because at least with the tits a bra can be kept on. grin

BooyHoo Fri 17-Jun-11 23:52:40

look, for thsoe of you that may be self conscious, it's ok. that's what reverse cowgirl is for wink

(and before anyone tells me to fuck off, it was tongue in cheek, a wee joke, not serious. it's friday night FFS!!!)

StrawberryMewMew Fri 17-Jun-11 23:54:23

Is it bad I still get self conscious in reverse cowgirl? hmm

chickchickchicken Sat 18-Jun-11 00:07:09

i thought it was funny. but then i am quite old and find laughing at myself a good thing

GeekLove Sat 18-Jun-11 00:08:12

strawberry I can perfectly understand crying over futurama if it was Jurrasic Bark you were watching.

StrawberryMewMew Sat 18-Jun-11 00:31:51

I think it was... The one where it's like Hachi at the end?

ZacharyQuack Sat 18-Jun-11 03:44:23

Are men ever made to Do men ever worry about what they look like having sex?

God it's a wonder all the old ugly people ever manage to control their revulsion and get it on.

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 18-Jun-11 08:32:17

So people are divided on this one - the hagsnet bunch (40 +) generally think it is quite funny, but those who are younger are more self conscious. Interesting.

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