I need a rant about the Guardian's style section

[thomasbodley]

I'm being very 2011 and entertaining myself in the garden with the online newspapers.

Sali Hughes is talking about make-up in an online video. The woman has an ORANGE face. Seriously, WTF? How can you possibly teach other women about make-up when you can't even match foundation to your own skintone?

As for Jess Cartner Morley, words fail me. She has the vocabulary of a particularly vacuous fourteen year old, and has bloody awful clothes, hair and taste. Stop getting dressed in the dark and try investing in a mirror, Jess.

AIBU or are they both just shocking? Also, given neither seems to have any talent for telly, why doesn't the Guardian tell them to stick to writing? Hannah Betts, Lisa Armstrong and Justine Picardie seem to manage well enough with words, after all.

[moondog]

What do you expect? It's the Guardian. It's all shite.
That Jess woman is hilarious though.
I often look just to see what dreadful ensemble she is wearing.I'm convinced it is a massive piss-take on the fashion industry (as probably are those $200 Prada banana earrings.)

[tulpe]

Not seen the Sali Hughes video but quite like her make up reviews in the mag.

As for JCM: the case against stands firm and you put it so well :o I read her column more for the "WTF is she rambling on about this week" value. Certainly wouldn't pursue any of her suggestions.

[thomasbodley]

Also, WTF is up with Jess's pigeon-toed "lickle me" stance? The woman is 37 years old, FFS.

[tulpe]

Absolutely Thomas, although that winds me up when models in general adopt that pose.

[BettyTurnip]

Oh yes, when she bangs on about being like a cart horse when she's clearly a size 8 on a fat day. Also don't like the models with long grey hair, not in an ageist way...just hate the long grey hair, too witchy by half.

[thomasbodley]

Sorry to go on, I'm in a particularly vicious mood, evidently .

Justine Picardie's columns always, but always seem to mention her sister's death, or her divorce. They must be dreadful, dreadful things to suffer but seriously, her brother in law has remarried and so has her husband. Years have gone by, Justine, enough with the "poor me" solipsism.

[moondog]

All those journalists on the Guardian and Observer are intent on turning themselves into personalities.It's so dull and navel gazing.

The only person i can tolerate is Nigel Slater for his fabulous prose.

[thomasbodley]

Oh yes, I heart Nigel Slater.

I love Caitlin Moran and India Knight too.

And (the shame, the shame) Allison Pearson . I read her thing in the Telegraph yesterday about Princess Di and had tears in my eyes .

I'm being horrible but actually I like Justine Picardie and have read a couple of her books and really enjoyed them.

The undisputed queen of columns, though, is Nora Ephron. Hers are now available as collected essays: buy them. 'I feel bad about my neck' is a work of genius.

[chrisonabike]

Just watched the Jess C-M piece. I can't get excited about a nasty fuchsia blouse that Pat Butcher would turn her nose up at for £199

Farkinell.

I'm with you on Nora, tb.

[ColonelBrandonsBiggestGroupie]

Justine P drives me insane. And her book about Daphne du M was horrifyingly bad - she needs to learn how to punctuate in the first instance.

Have they sacked Polly Vernon yet though? She is by far the worst of them - she makes me want to drown her in her own bloody cocktail.

[cyb]

I think Bhs are doing silk blouses in that pink colour. And they sure as hell aren't £199

[SpringHeeledJack]

me and dp are with whoever complained about JCM and the stance upthread. Every damn week!

I think they should let Lucy Mangan and Zoe Williams do the fashion for a bit instead

In fact, give 'em the whole magazine between them

I luuuurve them

[Eggphemia]

The magazine is rubbish, but never as bad as The Guide. That contains whole sections whose purpose I can never work out.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who wants to slap JCM for standing like a silly wee girl! [buangry]

[DreamsInBinary]

Oh, I adore Sali Hughes. V amusing on Twitter, and I tend to agree with her make-up choices. The lighting in those videos, however, is beyond bad.

YANBU wrt Jess. No no.

[polyhymnia]

Another non-fan of Justine picardie here - agree her life must have been tough but don't want to read about it constantly in a fashion column - find that rather expoitative in fact. Also loathe allison Peasrson i'm afraid - real Glenda Slag stuff ...

Caitlin Moran good - and Sarah Vine can be. Not sure about India Knight - sometimes OK but didn't respond to her 'princess' thing in Sunday Time so-called News Review today.

[polyhymnia]

Sorry, Allison Pearson - at least I should get her name right!

[verysomething]

Agree with dreams it looks like just bad lighting on Sali Hughes... I love her makeup column soooo much.

But agree about the rest, that permanent knock-kneed stance really shits me.

[SpringHeeledJack]

oh God Allison Pearson

she sounded fine on here- but I had a copy of the Daily Hate with me Tesco delivery once where she was spouting about Burkha Rage and seeing muslim women fare dodging.

It was really, really awful

[polyhymnia]

That's her, I think.

[Prunnhilda]

I NEVER read these columnists* - just stop, you'll feel miles better, honestly. It's such an emperor's-new-clothes industry, the Columnist. Or Columnism. Mostly vapid. A few excellent. Some just employed to attract outrage. What a lot of bollocks.

*Except Charlie Brooker because I have a crush on the old toad.

[thomasbodley]

Except Charlie Brooker because I have a crush on the old toad.

I have a much, much worse crush. I am obsessed (OBSESSED) with Giles Coren. He's so arrogant and such a bully (from what I've heard) but I so would, mm mmm.

He is totally lost in unrequited love with Sue Perkins though, isn't he? You can see the pain all over his face when he looks at her.

[Prunnhilda]

Oh DON'T. Giles Coren dressed up as an 18th century rake just about did for me. I mean, I HATE the man, I hate everything about him, but dammit......

[polyhymnia]

I think he is just too horrid and obnoxious to to be fanciable, I'm afraid - Mr Darcy he isn't. V. boring of me, but perhaps I'm just getting old.

[thomasbodley]

He is SO obnoxious.

But I figure if he's friends with Sue Perkins (with whom I'd love to be besties) he can't be all bad. . I've thought about this too much, haven't I?