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Has anyone started a degree & had to drop out part way through?

(6 Posts)
lostinlace Mon 28-Jul-08 17:56:15

Sorry to anyone who's thinking of starting studying. Don't want to put anyone off by any means as it's done massive for my confidence so I don't see it as wasted, but am afraid dp might. Also, realise this might be better off in relationships or mental health but want opinions from people who know what it feels like.

I'm about 1/2 way through a p/time degree. Have struggled with PND right the way through, wasn't a problem doing the Access course as only 1 child, studying close to home & in a friendly small college.

Since starting the degree have really struggled with travelling, being at a Uni with loads of 'scary' young people (scary to me - they're trendy, they're thin, they have a social life!!) Dp has been supportive in that he's allowed me to do it & has not minded me using paid childcare (no family locally) but hasn't helped round the house at all. That sounds really petty on my part, there's more to it, but if I say too much it sounds like I'm trying to blame him. I'm stressed beyond belief and am concerned that if I keep trying this route I will ultimately breakdown in a very very scary way.

What worries me - I told everyone how much I wanted to do this, but I have a history of taking on too much & then having to give up so don't suppose people will be surprised, just disappointed. It has cost us a lot of money (though I have worked part-time throughout so it hasn't left us worse off financially than if I was a stay at home parent, just means most of the money I've earned has been accounted for).

I feel incredibly selfish and know if I do give up dp will be extremely angry as he's struggling with work and has, throughout, told me that as soon as I've finished studying he's quitting his job.

Anyone still reading? Nearly finished grin What I could do is get a part-time job for 2-3 days a week, work less nights/evenings and carry on studying through the OU, admittedly it would take longer and would be a more general degree but I would stay sane and be able to love my family a bit more. On the plus side, this would take the financial pressure off him, make me feel a bit more grounded (guess I am a 9-5 person after all) and we could leave some of the chaos behind.

Big, big thank you to anyone who's made it this far.

Does anybody have any advice? Any advice on anything? <pleads desperately>

PS I'm doing a NHS degree (sorry to be vague) so could do Health & Social Care through the OU & do roughly the same kind of job, just not with letters after my name.

TheFallenMadonna Mon 28-Jul-08 18:04:15

If you are a 9-5 person, then is the OU really for you? You do have to be quite self motivated and I would have thought you would feel more grounded at a brick uni really. Not wanting to sound negative, but not wanting you to make a change that isn't right for you. But of curse, I'm neither thin nor trndy and have no social life, so that bit would be about right wink

lostinlace Mon 28-Jul-08 18:21:57

Thanks TFM, all opinions welcome. Trouble is, it's not 9-5 - I have to leave ridiculously early to get there, spend hours in between lectures because of the way they're timetabled & it takes 15 minutes to get to the library from any of the lecture rooms. I can be self motivated - did the Access course over 1 year, doing several modules 'self-study' so I could fit it into 3 days & still do paid work. I think what I mean is that Unis are so big and anonymous it's easy to disappear into the background but if I work during the day, even if it's only 1 or 2 days, I'll feel I have a 'role' and can then do the study as a fun thing instead of a chore. Quite happy to be wrong, though smile

What I'm wondering, as much as anything, is if you were my dp, how angry would you be with me for the cost/stress I've put everyone through?

sandy4 Mon 28-Jul-08 18:27:30

I really do feel for you. what you're saying about the housework etc isn't petty at all, it's a huge & very stressful balancing act.

You have to do what's right for you, regardless of what others may think, for your own sanity if nothing else. That's not selfish. I don't have any experience of studying for an NHS degree, but I am studying with the OU at the moment.

Ypu say that you are half way through - that's an achievement. Please don't beat yourself up about it.

TheFallenMadonna Mon 28-Jul-08 18:36:26

Why are you doing it? Would the OU degree be as useful to you as the one you are currently doing?

My DH would be annoyed if I stopped my (OU) degree at this point, but I don't suffer from depression.

Have you spoken to him about not taking his fair share of the housework? If you are working past time and studying part time then you are working full time surely, and you need to share the domestic load.

Kif Mon 28-Jul-08 18:47:55

you need to speak to a tutor at your college.

1/2 way through is very respectable - speaks a lot about your commitment. I wouldn't walk away until you'd explored all options. I think focussing on your dp is a red herring - you need to do justice to your own effort to get where you are.

How old are your Dcs? how far is your college? Aren't you on summer holiday now anyway, giving you recuperation time?

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