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Anyone else using some daycare to get studies done...?

(19 Posts)
Acinonyx Mon 10-Sep-07 15:06:57

I'm about to start my final yr of a PhD after 2 yrs out after having dd. Dd has been going to nursery 2 days a week (yes, I am paying daycare without actually earning anything - or rather - dh is...) while I get caught up and will go up to 3 days/week from Oct when my grant kicks in (which will cover daycare costs). Money has been tight while this has been going on and I feel bad for dh who doesn't get to enjoy much of his hard earning money.

I feel fantastically guilty about having dd in daycare when I'm not actually working ie - I feel guilty for not somehow squeezing the hours into the week some other way. I expect I will work some evenings and wekends as well - but really I'm so knackered and I can't see it being possible to get it all done that way - especially not as I need to finish on time (ie when the grant runs out).

Then I read about women who wish they could afford to SAHM but can't - and I'm actually using daycare and wihtout a job and who knows if I will actually get one in the end.

Anyone else struggling to balance study time/daycare/money/family time? I feel like I have been doing this for a thousand years - when I started - I expected to be long finished by now. I feel like I am trying to have my cake and eat it by doing both at the same time. JIll

TheodoresMummy Mon 10-Sep-07 17:01:37

Nothing wrong with having your cake and eating it if you can...

You say that you are using daycare, but not working - but you are working.

Is your DH happy with the situation ?

TellusMater Mon 10-Sep-07 17:05:27

Of course you're working. Don't be daft.

If I'd done my PhD after I had children they would have had to go into childcare because it was lab-based.

It's not having your cake and eating it, it's the best of both worlds wink

Acinonyx Mon 10-Sep-07 18:59:15

He's OK with it - doesn't complain. I wouldn't say happy exactly. I think he's counting on me getting a job when I'm finished but since I can't move to get a postdoc I'm a bit anxious about that.

Tellus - I used to be in a lab-based field but now my data comes in the post so in theory I can work any hours I choose.

I don't know what makes me more guilty - the fact that I'm doing this or the fact that I want to. For whatever reason I am really agonising over moving dd from 2 days to 3 days per week. jill

TheodoresMummy Mon 10-Sep-07 19:18:15

How old is your DD ?

Jazzicatz Mon 10-Sep-07 19:21:33

You are working you are doing a PhD. I am in my final year of my PhD, and I put my youngest into nursery 2 days a week, and one day with mil, really do not feel guilty, it is great for you to use your brain, makes you a better mummy!!!

Acinonyx Mon 10-Sep-07 19:36:14

Theo - dd is 2 - she was born at the end of my second year.

Jazz - good to hear you have a 3 day/week schedule like me. Let's hope we both get finished this year... What would you like to do when it's finished? Jill

Jazzicatz Mon 10-Sep-07 19:38:12

I would like to get post doc funding and continue researching. I really enjoy the researching side. How about you?

Acinonyx Mon 10-Sep-07 20:37:05

Same here. I feel I have to get a couple of publications submitted next year if I have any hope of that though - which is all added pressure and time. I'm also a bit anxious about the amount of hours I'd be doing as a full-time postdoc and part-time post docs are rare indeed. Jill

MRSskidaddle Tue 18-Sep-07 18:20:26

Acinonyx - I am in almost the exact same boat - dd is almost 2, going into final year and thinking of upping her time at nursery (provided uni will pay for it). DH is also doing a PhD and dc2 is due in December so we are not exactly rolling in time or money!!

I also feel bad about leaving dd in nursery esp. as I will only spend two half days with her now but writing up is a nightmare and you need a lot of time to do it - it is only a year and then (HOPEFULLY) the stress will be off a little bit.

Absolutely don't feel guilty - of course you are working, my God what is harder work than writing a bloody thesis??!! And it is for a limited time only. Your dd will probably love it and you will be less stressed - absolutely do it!

Acinonyx Tue 18-Sep-07 23:13:21

MrsS - wow - dc2 is coming soon! I can see you need to get as much done asap.

You must ahve avery busy household indeed. Jill

harrisey Wed 19-Sep-07 23:19:32

Acinonyx - i have childcare in order to study - I went back to do a 2nd undergraduate degree last year, finishing next june (got advanced entry into yr2 as I had a degree already adn sat entrance exams).

I felt guilty to begin with - we have a nanny - but I spend a lot more time with my kids than if I was working ft (dd2 was 2 when I started last yr), and dh works hard in the holidays (he's studying with me) to pay for childcare etc (luckily he's a GP so can earn plenty over the summer to keep us going).

But I look at it this way - I'm using my brain again, I'm loving my course (and consiudering postgrad - eternal studenthood looms I think) - its all the wohm arguments! I spent the last 5 years at home with the kids, gave them a great start that way, but now I am doing something I love and they are not suffering in the least - they have a fabulous nanny who they love dearly and they are exceptionally well cared for, as well as having a happy and stimulated (though just a leeeeetle bit hassled at essay time) mum.

Acinonyx Thu 20-Sep-07 09:55:03

Having a nanny would be ideal. We're thinking of moving out of town next year and I might look into nanny shares then. What degree did you do and what are you doing now? Jill

harrisey Thu 20-Sep-07 16:51:41

My first degree was Geography at Edinburgh University. Currently doing Theology with Cross Cultural Ministry at ICC in Glasgow, which is linked to Aberdeen Uni.

Nany is a great option for all the pick ups, drop offs and after school stuff that primary age kids need. It worked out cheaper last year than nursery for 2 plus after school care for 1, this year it is more expensive than nursery for 1 and after school for 2, but it allows them to do their after school activities, and for me to stay a little later in the library and get books out etc. Its deffo worth it, though we know we are very lucky to be able to afford it.

HonoriaGlossop Thu 20-Sep-07 18:07:58

oh Harrisey, sorry for Hijack but my DH is currently thinking of going for a part time Theology degree, would you recommend it? Have you enjoyed it?? Silly question perhaps, but do you have to, to do it? Thanks! Sorry again for Hijack.

harrisey Thu 20-Sep-07 18:40:00

I'm loving it! But I am deffo religious!

I dont know much about places to do it ... depends where you are, but I do know Aberdeen Uni doa fab distance learning degree in Theology - I did a couple of modules with them and have a friend who did her whole degree that way.

My college is more of a seminary - most people are heading for some kind of ministry. But theology is fascinating wherever you are coming form, I think. Peachy might be a better person to ask - she's doing a religious studies degree.

Get in touch if you like though, you can CAT me if you want.

HonoriaGlossop Thu 20-Sep-07 19:09:41

oh thanks harrisey, that's kind of you to get back.

DH isn't religious - but he's very interested in it in a kind of historical/cultural studies kind of way, and he is thinking of going into teaching so it's a career thing too. i think he's found one at Chichester, which is not too far from here. Now we've just got to see if we can pay for it hmm

thanks again!

Acinonyx Thu 20-Sep-07 19:10:24

Interesting change. I met someone recently who is doing a 2nd PhD in theology - the first being in biology. He's involved in a project to apply both religious and scientific methods to problems. Jill

harrisey Tue 25-Sep-07 12:15:12

I'm toying with the PhD idea too (dont tell dh!) Just so many things I'd liek to look into more - interface of changing theology adn missional praxis is my current thingy!

Hope your dh finds something good to do!

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