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So bloody overwhelmed with study/home/children. Does anyone recognise this feeling?

(22 Posts)
ClarkGable Fri 14-Feb-14 10:18:32

I am in my second year of a health care professional degree course. It is tough, much harder than first year and I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I feel like I am doing everything badly - studying, being a mother, keeping on top of things. If I try to concentrate on one area when I feel it's getting out of control, every other area falls to pieces. Last week I felt I needed to study more in the evening, just basic reading over stuff, but as a result, I didn't listen to ds (year 1) reading or do his spellings. My dd just seems to have given up asking me to do things with her. The house is constantly a shit tip and I'm always forgetting to buy milk, bread etc so we run out all the time.

I do have a dh but he works full time. I try to tell him that I am struggling but I don't feel he really understands. When I'm on placement, which means full time hours, he helps out a little round the house, but not much. Our house is horrible and although we're having some work done over the next few months that in itself is also stressing me out. I just sound ungrateful now. I am a terrible procrastinator but also put pressure on myself to get good marks. I'm starting to feel like I also won't be able to do the profession that I'm going to qualify in particularly well either, and I know my dh expects me to get a full time job when I qualify. I'm worried about the effect on my dc and they've already suffered by me going to university (was sahm before) and hate it when I'm not around on half term holidays. I'm thinking ahead to them having to go summer camps etc - I know they will hate it and feel awful. I feel like I'm in such a mess and don't know where to start to sort it all out.

tanyatwo Fri 14-Feb-14 20:35:22

I feel pretty much the same, but when you qualify, at least you will be mentally there for them in the evenings. You'll be more relaxed and probably won't be so preoccupied with other things. I know my LO is misbehaving a little because I am so pre-occupied, but what can I do? I have to get to the end and then I will feel like a better mother and the time I spend (& communication) with her will improve. By the way, my flat is a state as well. My hair is a state. I haven't got time for makeup or to pluck my eyebrows regularly.
You haven't got too long before summer. Think of that. Take each day as it comes and remember that the guilt is natural.

MercuryRising Sat 15-Feb-14 16:39:40

Clarkgable you are not alone. I am half way through teacher training and I feel exactly the same. My house is a mess, I don't have anywhere near enough time with dcs and my relationship with dp is suffering. Luckily I do get school holidays so will be spending the next week catching up. When it all feels too much I try to remember that the intensity of this year won't last forever and I am setting a good example to dcs. It is far harder to juggle everything than I ever thought ot would besad

katedan Mon 17-Feb-14 18:58:36

ClarkGable - I could have wrote your post! I am currently working fulltime on placement, have essays and portfolio work to do HATE not being there for the kids in half term especially as this is the first time they have ever needed to go into a holiday club. I hope in the end the kids will realise how hard I have worked but I am sure all they will remember is me missing assemblies, brownie promises and picking them up from school!

You are not alone, keep going! Do you get the summer off if so use that as your goal and make some nice plans of things to do with your kids when it is all over.

Buggedoff Fri 14-Mar-14 20:21:33

It's so hard. I'm struggling with my degree. The assessment schedule is relentless, I'm not sleeping properly and have been diagnosed with high blood pressure which is resisting the treatment I'm on.

I have a clinical exam, 2 vivas, 1 lab test and one written test in next three weeks. Then main exams in May. I'm actually thinking that failing might not be so bad.

And my house is a mess and the garden is a wilderness.

Unfortunately my course doesn't attract an NHS bursary, so this could be an expensive mistake.

Anyone want to cheer me up?

Mrsbaconandbeans Sat 15-Mar-14 08:24:12

Dissertation time really needs a clean sad, hardly spend any time with kids and garden messy. Overwhelmed the majority of the time, due to graduate in June - just focusing on the end now.

evilsquirrell Mon 17-Mar-14 12:00:03

Snap - this morning I've read 1 paper & took notes, so least something done, have a skype with tutor tomorrow to discuss progress - should be a very quick meeting as I've just been procrastinating for weeks now - keep setting goals of 500 words per day - to try to get myself going & into a writing habit. I normally have no issues producing tomes of crap (ahem -meaningful assignments) I HATE LITERATURE REVIEWS, just cannot get the hang of them - too much referencing.

Now the sun is shining and I am sooo tempted to throw in the towel, ignore the housework and go for a walk - and its ST Partrick's day (I'm originally from Dublin) so my DNA says I shouldn't be doing anything today bar celebrating - AHHHHHHHHH
Mine is due in May so I just need to give up on life till then & focus!!

June is not that long - stick in there & ignore the housework - will just get dirty again!

tanyatwo Mon 17-Mar-14 22:19:22

I've just finished the literature review of my dissertation, which is due in May, but as well as the dissertation, I have a 25 minute presentation to prepare by mid April. a 2000 word self reflection statement, plus 2 other reflections, all due in May. After that we go straight into another placement, which is followed by an assignment. We'll be finished in September. I'm so shattered, I can hardly type this reply. sad

evilsquirrell Wed 19-Mar-14 09:51:13

How long is ur lit review tanyatwo?

littleballerina Wed 19-Mar-14 09:56:19

Op, I'm another that could have written your post!
My children are fab, they know why I'm doing this but I feel awful.
My mantra is 'it'll all be worth the juggle in the end'.

MamaPingu Wed 19-Mar-14 10:00:45

I'm a single parent due to start university in September, DS will be one.

How old are everyone else's children?
What is your child care set up like?
I'm fortunate in that I have good family support but DS might have to go to nursery two days a week.

This threads making me panic a little!

May I also ask about how much financial support you get if you're a single parent if anyone knows?
I'm waiting to hear back from student finance and it's worrying me too

crazynanna Wed 19-Mar-14 10:05:53

I suppose my position is a bit easier, as my DD is 15, but I have to work every day (although P/T) in shifts and juggle that around F/T Uni (2nd year), and I am knackered.

Up at 6 every morning, most nights studying until midnight.

My bedroom looks like a squat, I have toilet brushes for legs, and my stairs look really manky.

<sigh> <falls asleep>

MamaPingu Wed 19-Mar-14 10:15:21

Bless you crazy, this keeps reminding me of the stress of my A levels. I absolutely hated doing my A levels but I think that was due to other factors and that I had to keep juggling entirely different subjects.

I'm hoping because it's one subject at uni it'll be a little easier to keep focused.

Fortunately I'll have to pack my job in because with travelling involved I'd never see DS. And with him being so young I want as much time as possible with him.

Having a 15 year old is good as teenagers can look after themselves mostly and have their own lives so that must be good.

Don't worry about the house and your hairy legs! smile
A degree is far more important, sod everything else (other than family!) until you're finished smile

crazynanna Wed 19-Mar-14 10:20:22

Thank you mamapingu smile

I think, as a LP, Student Finance is quite a reasonable amount to live on if you take the loans and grants, as you will be eligible for grants that do not need to be paid back.

Although my degree is FT, it is still only 12 hours per week over 4 days, so childcare depends for you on how your modules are spaced out over the week.

Good luck!

tink82 Mon 31-Mar-14 17:49:18

I'm glad it's not just me.. I thought I was losing my mind.. my diss is due in Thursday. I have a funeral tomorrow and it needs binding so need to allow time for that.. I'm on my own with DD (11) and once my diss is done I have a 2k word essay due 10th (not started) a 3k for 28th, lab report, court report, interview for my dissertation, mock court appearance and exam to do yet sad I've just posted in the preteens section about DD's behaviour..

I feel like the worlds shittest mother, so neglectful but I think she understands. I broke down Sunday in front of her (I try not to do this, leave it til she is in bed!) I am just beyind stressed and it's affecting sleep. I suffer horribly with anxiety and be glad to see the back of this..

mamapingu my advice would be to get all the support available to you, both family and uni. If you're lost, ASK!! confused? ASK! don't be frightened to ask for help..

oh, when doing an essay, reference as you go! don't leave it all til the end ;)

MercuryRising Mon 31-Mar-14 21:30:05

tink82 Im sure you are being hard on yourself and are a great mum and role model. The advice about referencing as you go is very sound. I always regret not doing this when I have to trawl back through my notes to find the references. I have a 6000 word masters assignment due on 24 April which is largely unstarted so I am beginning to panic slightlysad

tanyatwo Mon 31-Mar-14 23:31:08

My literature review is 5000 words evilsquirrel. It needs improving and then I have another 5000 words to complete. Am really feeling the pressure now, as my presentation is next week, so my dissertation is on hold. I snapped at my 3 year old today, because she said she was hungry when I put her bed. Then I apologised profusely after I fed her. I felt so guilty. It turns out she was actually hungry and wasn't just trying to stay up (she did have dinner). Having six hours sleep a night is getting to me I think. I'm constantly tearful and obsessed with when I can get back to work. I'm also a single parent like some of the other mothers, so there's no one else to play with her and make her feel secure. My daughter is getting very clingy and doesn't want to go to nursery. I feel like my preoccupation with studying is making her insecure. I'm feeling like an awful mother. Having a tense week. Needed a moan. Thanks ladies.

Franksmummy Tue 01-Apr-14 21:09:39

Hi mamapingu,

Obviously it will depend on your circumstances but you should get circa 10k + childcare allowance (85% paid) you can also still claim full tax credits child ben and majority of your housing ben (if you receive it) however the proportion of loan is actually greater as a LP. You should also get 1k bursary either as cash from your uni or reduction in fees. You can also apply for the hardship fund but these are notoriously hard to get. Overall you should be better off then if you were working a min wage job.

It is hard work and hard leaving your kids but obviously it's worth it otherwise we wouldn't all do it! Everything OP posted is 100% true, don't doubt it, just get used to being self motivated and managing your time well now.
I have my ds in childcare an extra day so that I can do work and also the odd extra hour to get housework done. Although it means less time with him the time we do have is more relaxed.

StillGettingItWrong Sun 06-Apr-14 16:03:52

I feel sick reading this thread! I'm due to start a nursing degree in September and I'm worried about the effect on my DC. I'm a LP and my DD's are 3 and 5. I'm doing an access to nursing course at the moment and I have five assignments and a presentation that all need finishing for beginning of May. I'm about 40% done but the stress is making me snap at my DC. I have 3 weeks off over Easter but with looking after the DC full time, I've only managed to wangle 4 child free days where I can study. The rest of the time I'm grabbing the odd hour here and there. My house is also a tip most of the time, which doesn't help my studying as I need it tidy in order to be productive for some reason! If I'm feeling the strain now what on earth is uni going to be like?! confused

I also think my DM is unsupportive and doesn't think I should be doing this. She doesn't know "why on earth" I would put myself and the girls through it. She doesn't seem to understand the concept of wanting to better yourself and provide a better future for your family. She makes noises about helping out when I'm at uni but I can't rely on her. I'm 34 now. I really don't want to wait until the DC are older and more independent before returning to study. I'm hoping they won't really remember how disruptive the next 3 years are going to be and how stressed and snappy mummy was sad

I guess the key is to be über-organised, a trait I am definitely not blessed with!

tanyatwo Mon 07-Apr-14 23:22:54

I think your mother should be more supportive. It's fantastic that you're doing this degree and getting a career. It will be stressful, but also very rewarding with each passed assignment and practice placement. At least you know you can come here and vent when it gets really stressful. Believe me there will be other parents on the course who will feel exactly the way you do. I've made loads of girlfriends on my course, but its the other mothers that really understand me. The course will probably go really quickly as well. I can't believe I'm nearly finished already.

rockpink Tue 22-Apr-14 09:10:45

Ooh I'm reading this with interest!
I've been offered a place at University this September and I would love to take it.
It's just how much childcare is going to cost that is scaring me, there's just me and my two wonderful DC's, I cant ask my parents for any support financially or childcare as they're getting on a bit now.
I'll keep thinking..

BigBirdFlies Sat 07-Jun-14 08:30:55

My exams are over and I have made it through the first year grin

I feel absolutely ecstatic today. It's really weird not having anything to study for. I can catch up with friends that I have ignored for the past year, maybe even do some housework and clear out the garden. I can read a book or MN without guilt, do a jigsaw with my dc. Happy days.

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