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Any Lone Parents at uni?

(17 Posts)
UNItil2017 Tue 04-Feb-14 23:48:09

Needing a bit of a pep talk.Started uni in autumn and just not enjoying it.Feeling isolated.Just a really bad feeling in my gut that I don't belong there. Don't know if that makes any sense.Worked so hard to get a place but wondering if I can cope with another 3 1\2 yrs.

MikeTheShite Wed 05-Feb-14 15:47:07

I just got in for September and b feel just like you despite knowing how hard I worked sad

UNItil2017 Wed 05-Feb-14 18:16:09

Thanks for the reply. Ru in first year? Just can't seem to get going.Just really isolated and don't have much in common with others.Just lost all my confidence in my ability and disappointed cos I guess I thought it was going to be fun.have switched off completely to the course, never been like this ever. Loved college and love my job but this is a fecking nightmare smile

MikeTheShite Wed 05-Feb-14 18:48:27

I start September and I know ill feel how you do sad

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Wed 05-Feb-14 19:28:46

I too am an LP at Uni. You don't need to 'fit in' with your class. Join some clubs, find someone in the Uni you like, invite them around to yours. Do the work when you feel isolated and then when you do make friends, you'll have free time for the fun.

UNItil2017 Wed 05-Feb-14 20:09:43

I don't have free time that's my problem. I work, go to uni f\t and have no support, like friends or family. Would love to go to clubs just not got the childcare. I need childcare before and after school or for shifts so all used up b4 socialising. Got kids 24/7 no contact with Ex H.But yeah that is the bit I'm missing out on definitely, no social life at all.A nightshift is a night out for me. Just don't know how to change it.

UNItil2017 Wed 05-Feb-14 20:15:43

congrats mike u will be fine,massive achievement, always remember that x

tanyatwo Sat 08-Feb-14 23:32:15

I'm a lone parent and I have my child all the time, except when she's at nursery. I'm a mature student on a 2 year masters. Even though it's a masters, I'm still older then most other students and I'm the only lone parent. Do I care. Heck no! I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to get my degree and I'm always turning down invitations (from uni and non uni friends). I don't know how old you are, but I'm soon to be 37, so I've done a lot of the partying I wanted to do and I will do more when the course finishes. I didn't think I would make friends because of my circumstances, but the people on my course are lovely and I've never felt left out. Give it time.

I think you should sit and remember why you're there. Your priority should be working hard, getting your degree and giving you and your child a better life, and setting an example. Even if you don't make one friend, as long as you get those grades in, that's all that matters. Having fun and making friends should be the last thing on your mind. Sorry to sound like a boring old teacher, but that's how I see it. I prepared myself for having very little social life before I started, but I'm going to have a blast when I finish. Good luck.

fruityloop Sun 09-Feb-14 03:59:15

Uni - I felt a lot like this when I started last year. It was even worse when I had to repeat my first year due to pregnancy and kidney failure. Im not a lone parent but understand what it feels like to feel isolated. TBH with three kids including my 6 month old dd a lot of the social events they go to, I've sat there fidgeting thinking, I could be studying, food shopping or any of the million other things mums have to do. You are in the different situation that you have many more demands on your time and finances than other students. Congrats to managing it in the first place, many cant handle the pressure. Have you tried interacting with any of the other students? I find just a smile or holding the door helps start a conversation, and many of the students at my uni are fascinated by me having kids and how I manage everything. I even get the odd text about how to get stains out of jumpers and how to cook chicken lol. It feels shitty right now, work is piling up, weather is crap, just over xmas, and you have a LO. But believe me it will be worth it, hang in there. x

UNItil2017 Sun 09-Feb-14 19:49:07

Thanks for your replies. I'm in my 40's with a 7&8yo and I'm pretty isolated socially anyway.I think I just thought it might not be as bad once I got to uni,but I understand if I had support at home I wouldnt be looking for it at uni.4yrs just seems a long time to be somewhere you're unhappy.Can't believe I'm even writing this was so motivated before I went.It's just like I'm wearing a coat that doesn't fit,everything is tight and awkward.

tanyatwo Sun 09-Feb-14 20:55:15

Is that you're not enjoying the course? If you don't enjoy the course then I can understand. You may need to change the course. If it's just about social interaction, then you may want to look on the website 'meetup' and see if there is a parents / single parents meetup in your area. I'm a member of a single parents group and it's great for meeting new people. They have much more meetups then I can attend though. You don't just want to rely on Uni for social interaction.

By the way 4 years will go by faster then you think and (as someone else said) you will have little time for going out. The parents on my course are hardly ever out. What I miss is quality time with my child. That's definitely decreased. I would take a great weekend with my 3 year old over a night out any day.

UNItil2017 Sun 09-Feb-14 22:08:17

Yeah, that's what I meant.If I had more support at home I wouldnt be looking for it at Uni.I've not spoken to any adults all weekend. Love my kids to bits but it would be great to speak to adults too.I can't remember what a night out is lol, that's not what I was meaning by socialising. It's just the laughs you get at your work I'm missing. Hope to start up a study group and going to speak to my tutor. Thanks again for your replies.

UNItil2017 Mon 10-Feb-14 19:33:04

Had a great day today. Lots of chat and support from the people on my course. Onwards and upwards!

tanyatwo Mon 10-Feb-14 22:35:15

Great to hear!!

flusteredmumto2 Mon 10-Feb-14 22:50:22

I start uni in September in a new city with 3dcs in tow the youngest being just 6 weeks when I start. I'm bleeding petrified! My dp will be around but I'm worried about coping with everything as he won't be moving in straight away as my 2 older dcs aren't his and I need them to adjust to new city, schools, baby etc . Knowing that others can do it is a boost.

UNItil2017 Tue 11-Feb-14 22:40:09

Well done Flustered on getting your place at uni!Nothing to fear but fear itself. Take one step at a time and post on MN when you feel the need :-D What a difference a week makes x

Avacathar Sun 23-Feb-14 15:19:38

Hi all! need some advice, starting uni in Sept, hoping to go Brighton...haven't heard back yet though. Will be moving 200 miles with LG and want to live just outside in a town where my parents live. The uni itself doesn't offer family housing. what do I do? I have a place at a local uni, just really want Brighton! I know its a bit soon but i want to be organised as it so important, any help appreciated! x

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