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Miserable at 3rd of uni :(

(17 Posts)
RoyMum Mon 01-Oct-12 09:23:09

Took a year out after having my son unexpectedly. Back and hating it..if my heart has ever been in...

Help please sad

RoyMum Mon 01-Oct-12 09:24:45

~Just to add to this as computer went errrrrrrrrrr

I did well in previous 2 years, never enjoyed it but had time to I don't and I'm frankly not interested..

What do I dooooo?

I quit everything and yes I am normally happy about quitting..but I'm fed up of being the butt of jokes in my family that I never finish..

NotALondoner Mon 01-Oct-12 09:45:41

What are you studying? When do you finish? June?

Newlysingleandstuck Mon 01-Oct-12 12:52:09

I utterly hated all of uni, and had dd in tow so didn't have time to study and know exactly where you are coming from.

It is only another 8 months, and then you have a degree and can go on to other things. I am now on a postgraduate course that I LOVE (but am still struggling with procrastination-ha!), despite not doing very well in my degree.

You will feel incredibly proud of yourself if you do finish. I didn't think I would as I got such shocking marks, but I actually feel an incredibly big sense of achievement, especially when I saw those with less on their plates dropping out. You CAN get through this, each assignment is one week closer to the end!

RoyMum Tue 02-Oct-12 07:51:46

I would be due to finish lectures in April and assignments end of may i hope I'm not too sure. iv looked at a realistic schedule and need at least 2 extensions so probably more like October end. i hate that I'm missing a year of my son when he's so young they don't stay little long. I'm glad someone else hated it I'm fed up of the i love university statements! and i highly doubt ill be using it!

NotALondoner Tue 02-Oct-12 08:15:21

Can you take another year out? Realistically it's not long that you have left. What about just doing the bare minimum just to pass the bloody thing?

kellestar Tue 02-Oct-12 08:21:39

Would you consider going part time? To give yourself more free time to study and spend time with your little lad? It would mean you are looking at 2 years until you are completed.

If you do need extensions talk to your CL so they are aware of your struggles. Also copy in letters to student services, not all CL pass on information like this.

You should break up early december and return mid jan. Lectures over by mid march/early april and exams done in May.

The first month was always overwhelming for new students, especially after a break, you start looking ahead and panic. Which is perfectly fine.

I worked in student services and have made many a cup of tea and raided my drawers for biscuits, for worried returning students. If it gets to much pop along and speak to them.

RoyMum Mon 08-Oct-12 07:03:49

Hi all thanks for your replies.

yes i could do bare minimum and get 60 credits and pass without honours. that is an option. i meet with dissertation supervisor and this was mentioned. she said it depends if i want a job out of it or its a personal achievement. i don't think i want a job out of it but i don't want to shoot myself in the foot. plus my brother and sister both got with honours ill always feel below them although admittedly they weren't married with a child!

At the moment I'm seeing how i go but I'm verging on exhaustion and feel inadequate that all these other people who have 5 jobs manage to do it?!

the worst bit is i took 6 hours out from seeing my son on Saturday to do work and what i did is awful and still not finished. it stinks of i don't care attitude!

i asked about extensions was told i need medical proof as to why i need one apparently getting 6 hours sleep, I'm terrible with less than 8! sorry to you that can go on 6! is not an excuse. fair play but its not going to get done when my eyes are half shut!

charlotte x

angelfire Mon 08-Oct-12 10:01:06

So sorry to hear you are struggling with it all - I know where you are coming from - am mid way through a degree, work F/T and have a family. I feel I am doing a crap job at most areas in my life.
This is how I have approached it

1. Take a day to think hard about what your goals are. It sounds as though the degree without honours is an option BUT a. it will only take that bit extra to get the honours and b. you will always feel that you could have done it

2. Compartmentalise. Give your self a limit of say 5 hours study per day (sorry I don't know what your lecture commitments are - this is based on distance learning). After the 5 hours are up - you stop. Stop. And get on with doing all the other things - cooking, looking after son, watch TV, listen to music. You have to factor in that you also have a life!

3. Dont beat yourself up. Pat yourself on the back that you have come this far. You have balls, commitment, self discipline, aspirations. You are amazing!

Kepp going - you can do it - the home strait is the worst bit!!

RoyMum Mon 08-Oct-12 11:41:49

Hi thank you for your reply. wow you work full time as well?!

At the moment I'm taking your approach. I'm still trying to get the honours but i also want to believe that should i get it without it, that's ok! th point is i didn't quit, i didn't have to come back and sacrificing time with my son is so gut wrenching, but i made myself do it and that in itself is an achievement.

the thing i find hardest out of your reply is that lecturers don't seem to understand or believe in time for me-us?

they all seem to say work in the evening or when my son naps?! wtf? I'm shattered thanks they're hard work and he's my first so I'm still naive about trying to do everything i was before!


kellestar Mon 08-Oct-12 12:41:13

If your lecturers aren't helping, just go to Student Services and see what they advise. Some lecturers are so archaic and don't get family/work/uni balance.

I would push for honours, tbh, employers will ask. Plus it's hard to go back and get the extra credit for honours.

Try some relaxation time, I found the more stressed I was DD picked up on it and was fractous.

In that writing time block don't review or edit or delete in frustration. I have a review session a week or two later. I found a minimum time block of 2 hours was needed to be productive.

Is the a student parent support network at your Uni?

margerykemp Mon 08-Oct-12 12:44:32

Could you do this year part time over 2 years?

Don't drop out. With so little left to do you'll regret it later and would have to redo the whole 3 years.

angelfire Mon 08-Oct-12 12:50:35

Hi Charlotte
By way of explanation my son is older than yours (9) and I can do my study whilst he is at school/clubs/watching TV - he doesn't NEED me in the same way he did when he was younger.
I suspect that your lecturers do not have children/have never been a main carer/ their children are a lot older and they have forgotten how much time/energy they take up.
If I get well meaning advice I simply smile and nod and silently ignore
You have to work out a strategy that works for you and your lifestyle - no-one else is walking in your shoes

Working in the evenings is what I do - and at weekends my DH takes over. This is why I look so freaking old and am permanently shattered. I am doing all this so that I CAN spend more time with my son eventualy (I am hoping to be a teacher) and also showing him that hard work gets results.

Do I feel guilty? Yes. But I am hoping that this wiil all be worth it in the long run and it is that that pushes me on

Take care

Ephiny Mon 08-Oct-12 12:53:59

It would be a shame to quit after you've done two years already. However being honest a degree with a non-honours pass grade is not worth much, it may feel like 'personal achievement' to you to finish at all, but that doesn't mean employers will see it that way.

Better to take another year out (if you can) or go part-time and come out with a good result IMO.

May I ask what subject you're studying and what your career aspirations are?

RoyMum Mon 08-Oct-12 22:02:30

Hi I'm doing childhood youth and community studies. Started on health and wellbeing but it ended in my year out so got transferred.

you see its not a 'skilled' degree and no i don't want to work in it particularly. i did university as a personal achievement only to prove i could do it and also to take time to think about what i wanted to do. ironically i discovered in the time i wanted to be a stay at home mum and work for myself so the degree isn't worth much in that respect. and in my previous roles iv never needed one.

i am still attempting the honours but i am still taking the glass half full approach if i don't the honours. i still achieved a degree. its still a level 6 qualification i just don't get graded only a pass.

Thanks for all your replies x

AlexanderS Sat 13-Oct-12 12:28:34

Why not look into the Open University?

You'd be able to take the 240 credits you gained in your first two years at university and do another 120 credits to top them up to a degree in your own time at your own pace. I don't know without checking the OU website whether or not you'd be able to top up to a degree in Childhood Studies or something similar, but you'd definitely be able to top up to a BA (Hons) Open - a degree that isn't in any one subject, something only the OU offers. You wouldn't have to start straight away, you could start in a year or two when your son is bigger (margery is wrong, if you drop out then want to go back you don't have to do the whole 3 years over - you have those 240 credits in the bank, as it were, and can request a transcipt from the uni to attest to this fact).

The one thing with switching to the OU is that you'd have to pay fees at the new higher rate (if you live in England, that is, if you live in Scotland or Wales you wouldn't) - as you started your course before the fee rise came into effect I guess at the minute you're paying fees at the old rate. But you would still be eligible for a student loan and financial support (as long as you study at least 60 credits a year. It'd be paid pro-rata i.e. if in a year you did half the amount of credits that a full-time student would do in that time you'd get half the amount of student loan. The OU also allow you to pay your fees in monthly installments if you don't receive financial support).

But I thoroughly recommend the OU - I've just done a postgrad course with them and they were way better than the campus-based university where I did my undergrad degree.

There is no point doing a degree without honours as people on here have said. Once you have 300 credits under your belt you really might as well push on and do those last 60 credits.

Like you, I have quit a lot of stuff in my life. For example, I dropped out of my first undergrad degree. When I went back to university and graduated it was an amazing feeling. I proved to myself and to other people that I can stick with things, something I'd needed to do and suspect you do too. So I think you need to enjoy spending time with your son whilst he's a baby - you're right, it soon goes and you should make the most of it - but also have a plan for how you're going to finish this degree.

AlexanderS Sat 13-Oct-12 12:51:28

Have just looked at the OU website and yes, you'd be able to transfer to the BA (Hons) in Childhood and Youth Studies.

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