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Relapsed back to cigs from vaping

(37 Posts)
AgentCooper Tue 09-Jun-15 09:56:25

I'm sitting here in tears. I've just gone out and bought fags and smoked 2 in a row. I had been a happy, healthy vaper for 6 months, 6 whole months! I'm on the last day of my holiday with DSis and it's been quite boozy. Now Isshould know better but booze really worsens my anxiety and I developed such a strong craving for a real fag the past few days that I couldn't eat or sleep.

And this morning i finally gave in. I'm so angry and disappointed. I have let everyone down.

I need any advice, please. I'm hoping that if I go to a higher nic level when iget home and mmaybe get a better kit (I was on 12mg and just had a basic clearomiser and battery) that I will be able to be a vaper again. Sorry to bring negativity on here but I am so, so low.

magimedi Tue 09-Jun-15 10:24:56

It's only 2 cigs - not the end of the world & just think of all the cigs you haven't smoked for the last 6 months.

I also came very, very close to having a fag when on holiday, about 9 months after I had become a vaper. Sitting in a cafe, harbourside, in Turkey & everyone was smoking & I can't tell you how much I wanted one. It's a holiday thing. I'm nearly 3 years a vaper now & never want a cig at home but for some reason find them tantalising when on holiday.

Go to 18mg when you get home, for a bit & treat yourself to some new kit.

The E leaf I stick battery with the aspire mini nautilus tank is very popular - I've moved on to that & love it as do lots of other vaping vipers.

You may be able to get the kit cheaper than the link above, it was the first one I found & am just using it to show you.

Dry those tears & chuck the fags away - it's only a small slip up.

AgentCooper Tue 09-Jun-15 10:28:22

Thanks magi, I've been thinking about getting the proper e leaf for a while now. I am just so sad, 6 months is the longest i'd ever gone and I really thought I'd cracked it, but I know i can't think in such black and white terms.

AgentCooper Tue 09-Jun-15 19:52:11

Just bumping for the evening crowd. I think a big part of my anxiety was around the prospect of smoking a real fag again. Now I've done it, I hope that anxiety of 'what if' will be gone but I'd so appreciate any reassuring words.

PolterGoose Tue 09-Jun-15 21:11:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlentyOfPubeGardens Tue 09-Jun-15 21:21:47

6 months is brilliant and you have let nobody down! As magi says, how many have you not smoked over that time?

I had a boozy night a few months in and ran out of eliquid. I ended up smoking a couple of roll-ups. As soon as I was home again I switched straight back to vaping and gave it no further thought. I'd probably do the same if I was in that situation again, although I make sure I take enough of everything everywhere these days, including my 'emergency' eliquid - 24mg, high PG, the faggiest flavour I have found (Hangsen RY6) grin

I think one of the brilliant things about vaping is that you're kind of 'relapse-proof', even though you feel right now that you have relapsed. A slip-up can be treated as just that - you're not back to square one as you would be if you'd done cold-turkey.

If it was me, I'd just switch back to vaping when I got home and yes, definitely treat yourself to some new kit - how much money have you saved over 6 months?

AgentCooper Wed 10-Jun-15 01:01:21

Thanks for your kind words Polter and Plenty. Really, all of you are making me feel a lor better. I love vaping and do consider myself to be a vaper rather than a smoker now. I'm not sure exactly how much i've saved, Plenty, but definitely enough for some new kit smile

AgentCooper Wed 10-Jun-15 17:14:08

Hi all, sorry to come back again but I've just had such a shit couple of days now. I've been on the stinkies constantly and this time last week I thought I'd never have another one.

I'm so worried I've ruined vaping for myself, when I was doing so, so well. I know my anxiety attack was caused by a combination of booze, tiredness and that compulsive thought of 'you've not had a real one in 6 months. What if you do?' I know I can go back to vaping, but I'm so worried it won't be the same... sad I'm still feeling anxious and sick and I'm so upset.

I would be interested to hear if anyone else has suffered with bad anxiety and eventually found that vaping did the trick instead of smoking.

AWholeLottaNosy Wed 10-Jun-15 17:20:18

I've been dual fuelling for a while now. Even though I think vaping is great sometimes I just want a real fag! To me it's a completely different experience. I've also felt disappointed in myself that I've relapsed into smoking again. All I can say is don't give up giving up! Get a decent e cig, like the one mentioned up thread and try again. Tomorrow is another day. Also think of all the benefits of not smoking, cost, skin, health etc and make a real commitment to yourself. Stopping smoking is HARD but if you've done it once you can do it again. Good luck!

AgentCooper Wed 10-Jun-15 19:00:18

Thank you Nosy. I remember commenting on your thread recently, and you're doing so well. I hate feeling like I've failed and just want to get back to where I was. I guess we just need to remember that life's not black and white, and at least if we end up back on fags we can always get back to vaping, unlike with cold turkey, as Plenty wisely says above. It's just horrible to feel anxious and hopeless again but I keep telling myself that I had never, ever quit for 6 months before and things are different this time.

PlentyOfPubeGardens Wed 10-Jun-15 21:57:54

You'll be fine, you did it for 6 months so you know you can do it. Have a think about what worked last time and what you found hard - make a plan, get some new kit and go for it, whether that's a sudden switch back to vaping or a cutting down slowly dual-fuelling plan. Especially make plans for what you will do next time there is booze and next time you are feeling anxious.

If you are feeling too anxious right now to contemplate not smoking at all then just start where you are and replace what fags you can with a vape. Every fag you don't smoke will improve your health and will increase your confidence that you can ditch them altogether.

I'm so worried it won't be the same...
So make it deliberately different - new kit, try some different flavours ... don't skimp on nicotine, it's not harmful in itself. Good luck and keep posting flowers

DancingDinosaur Wed 10-Jun-15 22:02:43

Get a better kit. I did exactly what you did, stopped for 6 months and then went back to cigs. I've got an itaste mvp3.0. And 18mg liquid. The ecig looks like a bag of nails, but it really deals with the cravings. Have quit cigs 11 months now, really dont need or want them now I've got the mvp.

AgentCooper Thu 11-Jun-15 12:23:58

Thanks everyone flowers I have managed to replace a few smokes with vapes so far today, so here's hoping. God, I just wish I was back to where I was but I am going to get some new kit. Dancing, thank you for sharing your experience - I'm really glad to hear that you've had more success with your new kit.

AgentCooper Fri 12-Jun-15 16:24:32

Hi dear nest of vapers. Just checking in. I'm sad to say I'm still on the stinkies, but trying to dual fuel as much as possible. My anxiety has been through the roof and I do still feel awful. I'm going to my local B&M shop after work to ask for help re: a better kit and some rescue remedy from the chemist but I'm terrified about this weekend. DH hates me smoking and I feel like I'm still too anxious to stop.

I can't even believe I'm typing that. This time last week, thought of another fag passing my lips disgusted me. I thought this would never happen. I know I can do it again, but anxiety is such a fucking curse. I hate it so much. Vaping is the most success, the only success I've ever had in dropping the fags and I wish my stupid brain could get back on board.

PlentyOfPubeGardens Fri 12-Jun-15 20:38:03

flowers sorry you're feeling so rough. Is your DH generally supportive? If you say 'I've had a slip-up and I'm feeling really anxious but I'm planning on giving it another go' will he be understanding or will he have a go at you? I'm assuming you were a smoker when you got together. It would be quite shitty of him to be unsupportive when you are clearly trying so hard.

Anxiety is horrible, I've had to leave jobs in the past because of it so I have total sympathy. Are you getting any (or enough) help for it? I'd make that the priority, rather than the fags right now. There is more in fags than just nicotine. There are some chemicals in there that are MAOI's - a type of antidepressant - it could be you are missing those as well.

For now, just take it one fag/vape at a time and keep counting the ones you don't smoke. You'll get there! You did 6 months so you know you can do it. It might be worth getting in touch with your local stop smoking services - more and more of them are coming round to the idea of vaping and are happy to offer behavioural support to people who are switching.

I hope you got on OK at the vape shop, I'm looking forward to pics of your lovely shiney new kit!

AgentCooper Sat 13-Jun-15 18:22:33

Thanks Plenty Today hasn't been a good day. I was smoking like a chimney and DH really doesn't understand. I was a smoker when we got together but cut down a lot until I was never smoking in the evenings or at weekends, but when I had anxiety attacks I'd smoke all the time. The reason he hates it so much is that his mum smokes and has had cancer (now in remission, thank God) and he says the fags just make me worse, more anxious.

I got a new battery yesterday, an ITaste with adjustable wattage. I think it will be good, but i need to rethink my juices too. Right now everything just tastes too sweet and is making me feel a bit sick. Does anyone have any recommendations for a mellow tobacco tasting juice? I started on tobacco liquid at first but soon moved on to mint flavours, and I think I may do that again.

AgentCooper Sat 13-Jun-15 18:24:28

And I calculated how many fags I didn't smoke over those 6 months - 1800. I can't believe I managed that and I know I can get there again.

SaucyJack Sat 13-Jun-15 18:47:57

I vape most of the time, but still quite often bum a real cigarette from DP in the evening.

I see it like having the occasional red Coke instead of diet if that makes sense? Vaping and fags are not an either/or thing for me.

AgentCooper Sat 13-Jun-15 19:11:42

Yeah, that's a good analogy, Saucy. I felt that way in the beginning (and it was very comforting to tell myself that I could smoke again if I wanted to), but then I got to love vaping and hate smoking. I want to get back there. I think I made a few mistakes in using the same kit forever and mostly the same juices, so I didn't have any scope for change, which I think is what I needed.

magimedi Sat 13-Jun-15 19:44:19

You will get back there, Agent.

Get some decent kit & go for it & stop worrying about dual fuelling.

I think the vast majority of us dual fuelled for ages before going over to 100% vape - someone was at least a year, possibly Allergic ??

Stop beating yourself up. Every stinky you don't smoke is the only thing worth counting.

And we are all here for you!

And if you are anywhere near to Brighton, why not come & join the great meet up the vaping vipers next Saturday? No one will be down on you if you need a cig - Jeez - I smoked for 40+ years before kicking the habit.

Here's the meet up thread:

Would be lovely to meet you!

AgentCooper Sat 13-Jun-15 19:54:18

Thanks magi, I so wish I could come and meet you all but I live in Glasgow. Everyone here is so sweet and supportive, you have all been a lifeline these past few horrible days flowers It's very kind of you to bother with my moaning.

I'm going to go back to my local B&M and ask about juices which aren't too sweet or foody - when I'm highly anxious I feel sick all the time and just can't face eating, so I think something that doesn't taste at all edible would help.

magimedi Sat 13-Jun-15 20:04:18

So sorry you are too far away for the meet.

I have vaped almost exclusively a tobacco flavour for night on 3 years:

The Sherlock from here:

I really, really don't like most of the flavours but, in the last few months, occasionally ad a bit of rhubarb & custard to my Sherlock.

We are always here to help, Agent - keep on posting, our motto is that no question is to silly, no moan is too trivial.

You'll get there - I promise you!

And I know that there are a few vaping vipers in both Glasgow & Edinburgh - why not try & organise a Scottish meet up??

PlentyOfPubeGardens Sat 13-Jun-15 21:39:36

And I calculated how many fags I didn't smoke over those 6 months - 1800

That is bloody amazing! starflowersstarflowersstarflowers You should feel very proud of yourself and know that you can do this again when you're ready.

I'm also stuck on one tobacco-esque flavour - Hangsen RY4 mixed 50/50 with RY6. It's cheapo high PG so proper throat hit like you get from a fag. RY6 on its own is too faggy most of the time but occasionally when I've been drinking it's just the thing - a bit like a gauloise grin You might want to try some of the coffee and nut flavours as well if you don't want something sweet.

A Scottish MN vape meet sounds a good idea. I think there are quite a few of you up there.

AWholeLottaNosy Sat 13-Jun-15 22:38:15

Can you articulate exactly what it is that you are feeling so anxious about..?

AgentCooper Sun 14-Jun-15 14:03:59

Thank you for the tips on liquids, Plenty, I will note them down for when I go to the shop. A Scottish meet up would be really nice, when I start to get stronger, I'd love to do something like that.

Nosy, articulation can be hard for me. I have generalised anxiety disorder, which is like a free-floating anxiety which can be quiet for long periods then get attached to something and explode. On holiday, it was this thought of 'what if vaping's not enough, what if you need a real fag?' Then I started smoking again and was so caught up with guilt. Now the fear is 'what if i can't go back to vaping?' But I am trying. Generalised anxiety disorder is awful, I wake up feeling nauseous and sweating when I'm having an attack and that feeling doesn't leave until the evening, just before I go to bed.

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