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Dh Xmas gift for dsd...

(42 Posts)
Loveineveryspoonful Sun 08-Dec-13 16:44:05

Have just spent a lovely afternoon Xmas shopping with dh, for us, for kids etc.
At one stage dh was looking into buying dsd, 16, some jewelry as a bigger present and actually considered getting her a ring.
I found this incredibly inappropriate as we've gone through some real shit with getting him to see how his spousification of dsd was threatening our marriage. Our couple therapist wasted no time in telling him what's what and told him to cop on. There has been some occasional backsliding, but I thought it was really under control. Then this.
I remained calm, only said her taste is the opposite of mine and he'd have to decide on one himself. Eventually I also pointed out some other things like earrings as I was seething ever so slightly and he did finally choose a bracelet I found quite attractive and which suits her style really well.
Am I weird in feeling a tad resentful here? It reminded me of the chastity rings American dads give their daughters, really truly YUK!
Btw, dh never buys me jewelry... I've stopping giving hints and buy stuff I like myself.
Another btw, in a spare moment own ds wanted to buy me a present and I made damn sure it was approriate (a nice bangle, similar to something dsd helped him pick for my birthday). I'd die of embarrassment if I got something as intimate as a ring off him.
Am I mad? Or is this a case of once bitten...

elliebellys Sun 08-Dec-13 17:23:06

Why cant a dad buy his daughter a ring?.why is it just acceptable for wife/ doesnt have to be weird..

eslteacher Sun 08-Dec-13 18:28:46

I don't think its necessarily weird in and of itself, but given context of spousification which had been discussed in therapy no less, it doesnt take a big leap to see it as such. He should have cottoned on!

And the fact that he never buys YOU jewellery, despite hints...well yeah, I'd definity be feeling grumpy if I was you! But it's not something I'd make a big fuss over, you have to choose your battles and this probably isn't the best one. Annoying, yes, but as backslides go it could be worse. Take a couple of deep breaths, rant on here, and try to be zen IRL, I'd say.

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 08-Dec-13 18:34:13

You actually sound very jealous and unhinged unreasonable, whatever your other problems are.

WhoNickedMyName Sun 08-Dec-13 18:34:44

I don't think there's anything wrong with a dad buying his daughter a ring for Christmas...

Unless this is the fella who lets his 14 year old daughter get in his/your bed.

outtolunchagain Sun 08-Dec-13 18:35:49

I certainly don't think it's odd in itself for a 16 year old to be bought a ring by a parent , although I always think its safer for a person to choose jewellery themselves. But, there is obviously a back story here so it sounds like the bracelet wl be a better choice .

Petal02 Sun 08-Dec-13 18:52:57

I tend to think that a ring is a gift from a man to a woman when they're sharing the same duvet.

And with spousification in the background, and also given the man in question doesn't buy jewellery for the OP, I think a ring is an inappropriate gift.

How would everyone else feel if, for example, your partner doesn't buy you flowers, but sends his daughter a dozen red roses? It doesn't sit right, does it?

SoupDragon Sun 08-Dec-13 18:56:40

A ring isn't "intimate" it's just a piece of jewellery.

My dad gave me a 1ct diamond solitaire ring. I don't share a duvet with him.

Petal02 Sun 08-Dec-13 18:58:59

I don't share a duvet with my Dad, but I wouldn't expect him to buy me gifts of that nature.

SoupDragon Sun 08-Dec-13 19:01:25

Of what nature?
It's just jewellery.

Anything else is just personal spin put on it by yourself.

elliebellys Sun 08-Dec-13 19:08:41

Why tho ?.a ring can be given from anyone,doesnt mean anythingsexual.same goes with a way he,s goin to have to scrutinize everything he wants to buy her,just in case its seen as innapropriate.such a sad way to live for all.

NCISaddict Sun 08-Dec-13 19:10:39

We bought our DD a ring for her 18th birthday, a Russian wedding ring which she wears every. Never thought it was odd, after all when I was that age I got a signet ring but they aren't in fashion now.

Squidwardtenticles Sun 08-Dec-13 19:12:15

Your poor dsd.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 08-Dec-13 19:14:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu Sun 08-Dec-13 19:17:07

Rings aren't 't 'intimate ' unless they are an obvious engagement ring or wedding band.

PissesGlitter Sun 08-Dec-13 19:20:19

It's a ring
My daughter got a beautiful ring last Christmas

I honestly think you are over thinking this

Only get a ring from someone you share a duvet with, I have never heard such shit in all my 36 years on earth

bellablot Sun 08-Dec-13 19:46:31

You sound extremely bitter and jealous of a 16 year old girl. There is obviously some back story to this and what 'spousification' ( is that even a word) and 'back sliding' mean is beyond me, some sort of couples counselling jargon?

Can't comment too much as post is too cryptic but you do sound rather jealous.

supermariossister Sun 08-Dec-13 20:24:20

you sound really odd and like you are trying to compete with his 16 year old daughter. I don't think it's an odd present or too intimate it is a ring which will probably be treasured in years to come as it's from her dad. I wear a ring given to me by my mother. she is dead now and it is my single most favourite thing I own. this whole post is really strange

caramelwaffle Sun 08-Dec-13 22:06:14

In the context such as this, a ring from a father to daughter where there is a clear history of Spoucification is wholly inappropriate.

Add in the fact that your DH purposefully avoids buying you does not a happy house make.

ENormaSnob Sun 08-Dec-13 22:14:09

You are nuts.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Sun 08-Dec-13 22:16:15

I remember you - dsd hogging the couch, your ds leaping on you if you and your dh got too cosy.

Tbh, I would have thought thered be a lot mire to Spousification than that.

I also think you are a bit bonkers for thinking a dad shouldnt buy his dd a ring or that your son shouldnt buy you a ring.

Maybe83 Sun 08-Dec-13 23:10:02

How ridiculous... Seething spousification really?

intimate and inappropriate... to read your post and remove the word ring you would actually think you were describing lingerie...that's how extreme your post is.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent buying a child of either sex a ring as a present. Unless it is a wedding or engagement ring which is accepted intimate and inappropriate.

Yes you coming across slightly mad to be honest.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 08-Dec-13 23:44:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 08-Dec-13 23:45:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jemma1111 Mon 09-Dec-13 00:01:37

In answer to your question "am I mad?" at the end of your post

"yes , you probably are"

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