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new husband has had enough of my dsuhhter

(54 Posts)
wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:08:04

I have been with my husband for 6 years, my daughters are 18 and 16,
The girls are argiin one minit and cuddling tbe next.
My 18 yesr old is very strong minded and she has began to get under my husbands skin.
He told me me he wants nothing more to do with her.
I have told him that we come as a package and if he doesnt want anything to do with her then im off, this was last week and we havnt said one word to each other since,
Any advice!! Am I in the wrong?

wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:09:31


TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 07-Oct-13 20:09:51

He said this after 6 years?!

wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:09:52


wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:10:59

Yes!! As she has got older he got more annoyed with her sad

PareyMortas Mon 07-Oct-13 20:13:44

I'm 45 and have a terrible relationship with my mother, she always put her boyfriend(s) before me. I know what I'd do.

wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:15:49

If he loved me as much as he sais he does he wouldnt be putting me in this situation sad

MorrisZapp Mon 07-Oct-13 20:17:33

Is she annoying?

TigerBabyyy Mon 07-Oct-13 20:18:10

When your children are adults, you dont come as a package.

If he doesnt want anything to do with her, then just see your dd without him there.

allnewtaketwo Mon 07-Oct-13 20:18:11

You haven't given much detail, what is it about her behaviour that he's having trouble with? When you say 'strong minded' that suggests to me a bit more?

ClementineKelandra Mon 07-Oct-13 20:18:43

Tell him where to get off.

wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:20:31

I think its because shes 18 and he thinks she should be doing more, shes in college and she works, when my two daughters argue he goes mad and blamea the elder ine, he has a real downer on her which makes me sad sad

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 07-Oct-13 20:22:24

Tiger, I think they all live together.

wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:24:34

My dd lives with us.
She leaves her bedrom in a mess, brings people home without asking, stays out all night, doesnt do any house work...argues with her sister,
She doesnt really think anoit other people, but its hard cos she is still
My dd

TigerBabyyy Mon 07-Oct-13 20:25:43

I ve just realised that from the ops last post.

Could you talk to your dd and set some rules that suits everyone to make things at home abit better?

wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:26:22

*about other people

When I wtite all that down it does sound bad doesnt it?

ChinaCupsandSaucers Mon 07-Oct-13 20:26:46

Sounds difficult - I have lots of questions!

Is your adult DD still living at home as a dependent? Are there house rules (such as no smoking etc) that you and your DP have agreed between you? Do your DDs stick to them? Do you DDs contribute to the running of the home? How do they speak to your DP - are they respectful or rude?

What about him? If he's capable of blanking you for a whole week, then I'm guessing he's not brilliant at discussing things in an adult manner? Is he rude to them? Yell? Has he disengaged or has he played a role in their upbringing? Do you share parenting values?

Do your DDs dislike him? do they have any reason to?

TigerBabyyy Mon 07-Oct-13 20:28:06

Alot of 18 year olds are like this.

Self centred pain in the arses! grin

Definitely some house rules needed here.

Anyone that doesn't stick to them can find themselves somewhere else to live.

wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:29:03

Tried the rules, but I tell het off but its not good enough for dh he wants me to hit the roof and be on her back 24/7 which just results in me getting very stressed and upset.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Mon 07-Oct-13 20:30:02

X-post; yes, it does.

If you are happy for your DD to behave like that then great, but it's a big ask for your DH to put up with it as well.

I'm guessing you don't discipline effectively? That you overlook your DDs behaviour and defend her? Are you a DisneyMum?

ChinaCupsandSaucers Mon 07-Oct-13 20:33:49

Tried the rules, but I tell het off but its not good enough for dh he wants me to hit the roof and be on her back 24/7 which just results in me getting very stressed and upset.

It's called parenting.

If your DDs know that if they ignore you, you'll eventually give up/get upset/stressed then of course you won't get anywhere.

Decide on rules, agree consequences for not following them and see it through no matter how tough it is. Or alternatively, lose your DH and be treated like this by your DDs for a good few years yet.

needaholidaynow Mon 07-Oct-13 20:33:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TigerBabyyy Mon 07-Oct-13 20:34:02

Well your not a disney mum are you china? grin

If you have tried the rules, then maybe they should live somewhere else for a while if they cannnot respect your house.

She is an adult now, you need to treat her like one

wendyjayne Mon 07-Oct-13 20:34:46

Dd is still living st home as a dependent, she doesnt smoke in the house,I have notes everywere reminding them of normal house rules,
She doesnt contribute,
She is respectfull to dh and he is disrespectful back, he just wsnts nothing to do with her,
The girls like him and he has been a good step dad until very recently.
We cant discuss it like adults as he can't see my side.

Thanx for all ur comments smile

allnewtaketwo Mon 07-Oct-13 20:34:50

"She leaves her bedrom in a mess, brings people home without asking, stays out all night, doesnt do any house work."

Hmm, I can see his point tbh. Her behaviour and contribution to the household, his home, sounds atrocious. If all you do is "tell her off" and it makes no difference, I really can see why he'd expect you to be "hitting the roof". At 18, living with your parents is not a right, she cannot behave line a stroppy spoiled lazy teenager any more. Well she can of course, but your DP is clearly not, understandably, prepared to live with her under this situation.

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