Teen stepson spending more time at mums(2 Posts)
My 14 1/2 yr old stepson has lived with us since age 3 (me and his dad) due to mums neglect and emotional harm. This went through social services, the courts etc. She appears to have an enormous hold over him and we are sure he fears her rejection and goes along with what she wants dezpite how he feels. Over the last year his behaviour has become more and more rebellious and he has pushed to live with her. His dad refuses to allow him to live there believing he will not be cared for properly and this will jeopardise any chance of a good future for him. (I agree). So we compromised saying he could spend more weekends there and longer in the hols. Despite agreeing to stay at home for a weekend and come on holiday with us; everytime he goes to his mum, he then comes home slagging off everything to do with living with us and trying to mess about arrangements. Twice he has tried to get out of the holiday but always straight after being ther and otherwise he talks positively about coming. We think that he is being very pressurised to be there more than he really wants to. It is cutting him out of family life here. He is not going to be here for his brother's first birthday. Me and his dad are upset and don't know what to do for the best. We have insisted he comes on holiday with us because he needs to have some positive family time with us. We don't trust his mum and what kind of mum wants to stop her son having a summer holiday and miss his brother's birthday? A selfish one who knows this will upset her ex (his dad). Any advice fellow parents?
poor you. Not sure I can offer any help except to say that I know how you feel, we have one dss living with us (15) his sister lives with the mother, who has all kinds of problems. SD did live with us for awhile and everything improved, long story, but then went back to mother due to pressure, when she is with us she enjoys herself, dispite herself! and we always have problems with family time. Can you have a family day out for your other sons birthday when the older one is around, maybe not telling the older until the day, sneaky but works for us! We talk positivly about our holidays and the things that we are going to do, to engage her before we go, we also add a few days at the start of the holiday for "going wrong" time, mother is good at arranging stuff that clashes, so it gives a margin for problems. not sure if any of that helps.
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