Hello,
I'm kind of new to this and it's my first post. It's going to be long so bear with me.
I didn't really know where to post as well as I have a blended family, I've been reading mostly in Step-Parenting so will post here. Sorry if I don't get all the Abbr. right...I haven't figured them out yet.
I have a DD who's turning 6 this week. Her birth father (BF) left when I was 3 months pregnant. She was a surprise but I was happy to be pregnant. He was very resentful of me deciding to keep the baby and made my life a misery during pregnancy and in the few months after birth.
I met my husband while I was pregnant but we didn't get together until daughter was 1 year old. I moved to the UK from Canada and since then we got married and live here. DH has been a wonderful father to my daugther since we've been together and she sees him as her daddy. He has 2 DD (7 &9) from previous marriage and the eldest lives with us.
At the time, BF said he was actualy pleased I was moving abroad as he didn't want contact with me or the baby. I filed for sole custody and moved.
DH is very supportive of me and also has DD best interests at heart. He's always said no matter what I decide that he will be there. He's also made it clear that he would be happy to adopt her.
DD does know him as ''name'' and a friend of mummy in canada and I'm planning to tell her before she is ten or when she will ask about how and when she was born, whichever comes first.
Since then he has seen DD only twice (2006 & 2008) when I went back to visit. He never came here to visit her. He sends one gift to cover b-day and xmas each year, and pays maintenance when he feels like it(Because I'm abroad they don't have to chase him so it's irregular). Every 6 months , he writes a mail, saying he wants to establish contact and I, trying to do the right thing, go along with it , arrange a time only for him to cancel the whole thing because he doesn't feel like it anymore. Then it is complete silence for another 6 months...
Each time , He ends up rambling about how much this whole thing has ruined his life but then he rants about how he wants her to know he's the father and I have to explain over and over that it's not about him but about DD's happiness. I have to feel the time is right for her to understand the complexity of the situation. He's sending very mixed messages and I'm not sure how to read him anymore.
Now with her birthday coming up , I just got a mail from BF asking for my mail address (which I sent him twice since we've moved!)and a request to wish happy birthday to DD via skype. I've agreed to it but haven't said anything yet to DD as I'm afraid he will cancel it last minute as he always does. I'm feeling a bit uneasy and unsure about this....
so my question is : I'm really sick of him rambling about the past and wish he would either get over it , get involved because he wants to or we both agree he's out of the picture unless she actually wants to know him at some point...
I've always been cooperative and courteous for the sake of her ''possible future relationship'' with him but this is now really annoying me.
Not sure if this makes sense or not...
I'd appreciate some input as I'm feeling a bit lost here...
Thanks!
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Step-parenting
Need a bit of wisdom ....
7 replies
RougetNoir · 19/10/2009 13:07
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